hard to watch very young kids addicted to screens

[fleurneige]

We have several young friends with toddlers, aged between 20 months and 3.5 years- and they all give kids their phone or tablet as soon as they start whining a bit or saying they are bored. Honestly, it is hard to watch how addicted they already are, and having massive tantrums if they don't get phone or tablet when requested.

How do you feel? Thanks for discussion.

I agree with you OP. I think it's very sad and is likely to have a detrimental effect on children's mental and physical development.

It pisses me off because it is other people making a huge, negative, judgement about other parents on the basis of a tiny snapshot.

You can say all you want that you aren't being smug and judgey and perhaps you believe that but the truth is most of the responses are. They 'feel sad' for the children etc. Just look at the myriad of screens in restaurants threads and you'll see the parents being called lazy, selfish, over and over again. It's horrible.

I try really, really hard to be a good parent and to juggle that with all of the other pressures of modern life, including a career. At the moment with 3 young children to parent mostly on my own, it's really my raison d'être. So to have that not just questioned but openly criticised is tough. I have many things to worry about, and many ways in which to beat myself up. I don't need a screens to add to that pile, and I don't really think they deserve to be there.

Why is the phrase 'a tiny snapshot' always trotted out. You know there are young children on screens for hours every day. DD works in a cafe part time and 99 times out of 100 the toddlers will be on phones all the time.

I hate it. Saw a young child about 3 in a buggy on a train. She was instinctively curious and looking around her at the people etc being as good as gold. For absolutely no reason parent (who hadn't said a word to her) just shoved a phone in her hands. Girl still wanted to look around but eventually screen won so she "zombied" into it. So sad.

Are the toddlers in there for their whole waking hours? Or are the parents trying to drink a hot cup of coffee for 20-30 minutes out of an entire day?

Some of them are there for up to an hour. And come back in the afternoon. And yes, the children have the phones all the time they are in there. Look, I have no skin in the game - my children are young adults. But even the sketchiest research shows the damage being done to pre-schoolers' rapidly growing brains by phone use.

I agree. There's mounting evidence it has a terrible impact on children's development and mental health. I recommend watching/reading Jonathan Haidt on this topic.

What do you think parents did before portable screens? No one is saying people are parenting badly with judicious use of screen time but I can’t believe that a very young child needs it and if you are feeling defensive there is really no need. I don’t know how old your eldest is but once they get to the age where they can have autonomy it’s a lot harder to get them to limit their time, some schools themselves use tablets with their kids or set homework via apps, young children you have far, far more control over how they spend their time so it makes sense to delay the inevitable as long as possible!!!

And when screen addicted children don’t listen at school it’s the fault of the teacher being boring….

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/?gift=6kW-3kpyH7tV4NcHqyTUk4pQbLwhJ51mzwtSdzMDnc4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

The impact on language and communication skills on the children coming through nurseries now is huge. I really wish new parents were given better information about the importance of making time for positive interactions with their children.
We all want a bit of peace and quiet as parents but there are other ways of keeping children busy as long as screens aren't the default.

I don't really take my littlest to cafes because she'd want to run around, and it's too expensive a treat for me to feel stressed about her doing that, but if I did I'd be gutted to think that the staff/other parents were keeping tabs on her screen use, feeling sad for her, and thinking I was a lazy, toxic parent as a result.

Yeah I absolutely feel defensive, to me it's quite obvious why, but perhaps if you're not in the same camp it just cements your view. Meanwhile I'll just keep muddling through with my lovely children and their beloved kids kindles!

I'd be gutted to think that the staff/other parents were keeping tabs on her screen use,
There you go being defensive again.

YANBU. This is going to sound really sniffy, but my daughter had a group of friends who were so tight at junior school - they've gone to different schools now, sadly - and although completely lovely, one of them was one of those girls who seem to be enabled to be swept along with whatever the trend is. TikTok, Snapchat from Y5/6, Apple Watch, Shein, Temu, Drunken Elephant etc. No conscience about over-commercialism or the environment, whatever was the rage she was allowed it.

She stopped going to a club they'd all joined since being separated by school, and has apparently quit another activity, because 'it went on too long'. I'll bet this will be partly as a result of social media addiction.

There're a lot of children who struggle with attention in school these days; it's attributed to COVID but really, it's the massive increase in screen use over that time, particularly for children living in houses/flats without gardens to escape into, or whatever.

I think screens and social media are the biggest issues for our youth.

I think unless there is a need for a screen due to being ND, then it is really sad seeing a family out for tea, and the kids are glued to screens.

You have children who are addicted to screens at such a young age it is really sad.

Yes. I am defensive. My parenting is being attacked. I'd be negligent not to defend it (but not as negligent as playing an episode of blippi in a Caffe Nero)

I don't mind screen time at all. However hours on end isn't something I choose to do. He's almost three and has his own iPad. He has a wicked imagination and is pretty smart so I don't think it's done him any harm.

Screen addiction/ screens used as dummies are in my opinion, significantly harmful to the social devlopment and character building of young children. Imagine how they will be when they’re teens and young adults- when that’s all they know.

This. I don't give my child a phone or tablet to watch at home, because I don't need to, that's time for me to focus on them and we do a big variety of activities. When we're out, do I need/want to either eat or drink myself, or enjoy a chat to a friend? Yes, so screens come in handy.

My DD has quite a lot of screen time but it isn't constant. I do other things with her as well. Take her out on a bike, colouring, baking etc.

It's about moderation isn't it?

Sorry I don’t buy your justifications practically. We didn’t even have screens when ours were toddlers but we managed in cafes by parenting them.

Some preschoolers tantrum some don’t. I think most don’t like being stopped doing something they enjoy. For my part I think screens are brilliant but consistent expectations go a long way to avoiding upset. Children who are used to being allowed to play games suddenly asked to sit and stare into space while adults talk are never going to be happy are they?

Who suggested they sit and stare into space?

What's wrong with books, drawing, and toys?

Nothing is wrong with any of those things, and that is often what children are doing on their screens.

The majority of my friends give their toddlers their phones in their prams. I think a lot of parents have lost sight of what's normal... a phone to a toddler in a pram is not normal. Children's TV is fine, but constant screens is just silly. I mean, I know a two year old who is addicted to unboxing videos ffs.
The parents I know usually immediately justify giving them it, but I've never expressed any judgement or distate, so i think most parents know it's not quite right. It's like switching your kid off. And yes I have two intense toddlers, so I know how challenging they are as a species!