hard to watch very young kids addicted to screens

[fleurneige]

We have several young friends with toddlers, aged between 20 months and 3.5 years- and they all give kids their phone or tablet as soon as they start whining a bit or saying they are bored. Honestly, it is hard to watch how addicted they already are, and having massive tantrums if they don't get phone or tablet when requested.

How do you feel? Thanks for discussion.

My reaction is appropriate given the lack of discourse as opposed to people bitching about seeing children with a screen in public.

I don’t know what the screen defenders think it was like for parents before us. A 12 hour day was still a 12 hour day in the past but the ways we do the non parenting things while caring for our children have never been easier. I do laundry but I have a washer and drier, I bake but I have a stand mixer and a food processor, I have a dishwasher, I work for myself but I have a laptop and a website and can pick my own hours around looking after my kids.

When I want to entertain or educate them I have more toys to hand than any previous generation. There’s a decently equipped park a walk away. I have a sling and a buggy for the younger one which makes taking them out easier.

Not everyone can afford the white goods I have but if you can afford to buy your kids a tablet you’re not claiming poverty.

We don’t have it harder than our parents did, cleaning takes less time than it used to as we have the benefit of gadgets.

Stick your kids in front of a phone or tablet if you want to. But there’s no benefit to your child. They might learn numbers and words from it but they’ll do that in other ways too. As children always have.

No teachers think babies and young children being on screens a lot is good for them. Why do parents think they know better?

Because societal issues affect us all, and this is now widespread enough to be a societal issue. If screen use is commonplace and affects language development and behaviour, then that will have a knock on effect on schools, public services, the workforce and all the rest of it.

We are perfectly entitled to judge poor parenting.

Very rarely that in my experience. Tablet parents think every event is worthy of them getting the tablet out for ‘five minutes peace’ - getting ready in the morning, car journeys, cafes, restaurants, ‘because they were having a tantrum and sometimes you just have to make your life easy’ etc…

So you just blanket judge every child with a tablet? Nice.

No one here has blamed the children.

Op you might just be seeing a snapshot of what they do. Literally sometimes you have over a screen because you’re tired/ have met up with friends/ want to chat etc. I never for example give my kids screens if are out to dinner or something, when we’re in eg doctor’s waiting room I won’t either but the other day we turned up at my mums house, I wanted to chat to her and there’s not much for the kids so I said go for it. She started giving little tips she’d heard on the radio for screen addiction and I stopped her because my kids a year ago had ACTUAL screen addictions, my teenagers had been sneaking them to bed and playing on the x box. They’d turned off the family app and for days weren’t sleeping, red eyes, blinking, losing concentration. It’s something people do have to watch but unless you live with the kids you’re making a bit of an assumption!!

Fine - blanket judge a parent.

how exactly is that going to help?

Fair enough. Children’s programming of 50 years ago was more like 3 hours then. From about 3.30 until the 6 o’clock news. Still nothing like the constant watching videos on phones. It was only in the house, not while walking around the park or playing in the garden.

And we all grew into functioning adults. Honestly my mother who is nearing 90 got just the same stick as a child for reading.

Agree, I have a 2 and 3 year old and yes they will watch abit of tellly here and there but there's not a chance in hell I'd give them my phone to watch or buy ipads. We eat out often and always take colouring , threading beads, stickers and actually engage with them. Always feel sad when I look over at a kid just watching a screen being ignored by their parents

Congratulations on winning parent of the year

Honestly my mother who is nearing 90 got just the same stick as a child for reading.

Was that stick backed up by increasing research into the negative effects of books?

I don't give anyone stick, I'd never comment on someone else's parenting like that. But pretending it's like reading a book is just being obtuse.

I doubt she was reading while walking in the park or on the walk to school. And reading involves some imagination, it’s not just input like watching YouTube all day.

I work in a school. The year one children were asked to draw a picture about a trip they had just been on. One of the drew a very detailed picture with one of the people in it saying ‘like and subscribe’.

@Fixerupper77 thanks ! 🤩

Not at all. But having a fair and honest discussion may.

Which is happening, where?

Well, that was the intention. Some of the very negative and defensive reactions didn't help at all. A pity.

Because you started a goady thread with a goady title.

Nothing goady about it. Sometimes I think ‘goady’ is just dragged out when a poster confronts an uncomfortable truth.

IMO parents who are on their phones when with their children, especially when the child is talking to them and they are being ignored, is worse.

There has been no actual real discourse here. No valuable insight at all.

Jealous is often used in a similar way.

To the posters speculating about how these children will be as they get older: No one knows how kids will turn out. My 9 yo knew her letters at 18 months, has above average language skills and loves to read despite getting a tablet occasionally as a toddler. Now she is more likely to bring a book with her when we go to restaurants, even though she has access to a (WiFi only) smartphone for games, messaging a friend. My 6 yo is the same, though restaurants mean maze books and drawing before a phone is even thought about. They can take or leave the tablets, I don't think either iPad has been charged for the past two months.

Likewise I know plenty of kids who have limited screen time but turn into zombies whenever they get a sniff of a tablet because it's so rare.

So it depends on the child really.