hard to watch very young kids addicted to screens

[fleurneige]

We have several young friends with toddlers, aged between 20 months and 3.5 years- and they all give kids their phone or tablet as soon as they start whining a bit or saying they are bored. Honestly, it is hard to watch how addicted they already are, and having massive tantrums if they don't get phone or tablet when requested.

How do you feel? Thanks for discussion.

So glad screens were not so ubiquitous when ours small. I didn’t even have a smart phone myself when they were babies / pre schoolers and they never had iPads. Sometimes the advance of technology is
not a positive thing.

I see so many young kids sat in pushchairs or supermarket trolleys staring at phones with not a jot of communication between them and their parents, no wonder why kids have speech and language and concentration issues

In one case, I see them often and the out of control tantrums make this clear. It is either phone, tablet or TV. And very hard to engage them in any other activity, game, drawing, etc.

DC and I are working together to reduce our ipad and phone time as it reached 5 hours a day for DC over half term. Its now at 1 hour a day and while not perfect, their moods are a lot better, they engage more and are becoming more active. Ipads are an addiction and it won't be being replaced when it dies.

I also think a lot depends on the quality of the content being consumed. The youtubers who made videos about switch ganes speak so quickly and talk utter nonsense that I have banned it completely.

@Fivebyfive2

I agree, seeing toddlers watching tv in the pushchair is just ridiculous.

My kids are now adults and they coed just fine in restaurants, shops etc. I talked to them, we drew, puzzles etc etc. seriously you do not need devices to pacify children. We won't let dsd have her tablet near the table or in the park etc despite severe special needs. Just takes more effort on our part of course (her carers give in unfortunately, she's an adult)

DB sometimes gives his son who’s 5 a screen and has done since he’s been young. Mostly to watch something on as they don’t have a TV. But they’re fairly strict about screen time with him. Sometimes watching rubbish like reviews of toys on YouTube or those irritating Cocomelon songs are enough to keep him entertained whilst eg his mum is having a shower.

Can someone explain the difference between a child watching TV and using a tablet? Aren’t they both screens? I’m not necessarily talking about this thread but a lot of posters seem to think a TV is better then a tablet for some reason?

To be honest I think you need to look at the evidence here. If parents are not engaging with their children, if children are not getting the opportunity or being encouraged to do a wide range of other activities then of course that will have a detrimental impact on their development regardless of screen time exposure. For some children screens are particularly calming, sometimes they give parents a much needed break or opportunity to socialise. TBH I used to worry about all the hype regarding screens when they became more common place and wasn’t going to let my children use them etc but think 25 years of parenting experience and seeing the experiences of many of parents along the way has given me a more balanced view on the issue. Now rather than obsessing over screen time, my priority is preserving my energy and sanity to give my children lots of opportunities to be doing other activities, feeding them good food, consistent routine etc and not worrying about the screen down time in between

Well you don’t have a tv in your hand everywhere you go nor are kids right up close to the screen ( or at least mine aren’t)! I’m addicted as much as any other adult ,my younger teen has no off button enabled but my eldest is able to moderate herself much more…so what hope do young toddlers have, it’s being hardwired in to have that stimulation when the kid could be observing the world, listening and watching the adults around them instead of being trapped with a screen on demand. Nobody is allowed to be bored or daydream anymore…as a popular to programme from my youth said “ get off the tv and go and do something more interesting instead”.

This could apply to adults too though. Pretty much everyone is on a screen on the train or tube.

I totally agree. Though my kids watched their fair share of cbeebies and had kids tablets from junior school age (not infants!), they always had limits on these and also played child-appropriate (and often educational) games not mindlessly watching cartoons. But these days I do judge when I see babies and toddlers in pushchairs staring at a phone. They are definitely missing out on life a bit and getting addicted to screens, something which I think is inevitable eventually these days but as a parent you can try to delay/mitigate this.
People these days have much shorter attention spans due to the instant gratification they get from phones/tablets.

It depends how you use the tv. On all the time in the background, not great. Switch on and watch a specific programme then switch off, fine. Bigger screen, further from your face, only being watched at home during time you're not doing something else compared to a small screen out and about making you not look at the world around you.

It will only get worse, I'm so glad l didn't have this issue when mine were younger.

there was a bit on the news the other day about kids starting reception not knowing how to use a book at school and instead tapping or scrolling/swiping it.

fwiw with our eldest he did get my phone sometimes to pacify him but we stopped that now and DC2 has never had it. They watch limited tv at home and if we do a long journey (4+ hours) then they'll watch some ipad. they listen to their Yotos a lot. They are 4 and 1.

eta that in the car the ipad is behind a crash tested holder so it's more like a little TV. they never get them to play on or hold.

I'm always a lone voice on these threads, I really shouldn't bother reading them, but the smug judginess of the anti-screen brigade is nauseating.

12 hours is a very long day with a child. You're seeing a tiny part of it. You haven't any clue at ALL what the other hours are filled with. It is very likely colouring, and imaginative playing, and classes, and finger paints and digging up worms and all the other MN-approved activities.

You've no idea what the kid is watching - could be colours, numbers, songs. Older children could be reading a book or listening to a story, doing Sumdog for homework, or anything.

Honestly if I'm meeting a friend for a coffee, it's to meet the friend for a coffee. Not to do my bestest, most wholesome parenting. If that means the kids watch 20 minutes of TV or whatever (if they choose to) then that's fine by me. My friend and I will get a chance to chat.

My kids are amazing, well-rounded, smart, kind, funny, infuriating, energetic, imaginative, engaging and all the other things the non-screeners are.

MNers in particular major on the smug mum-shaming when it comes to screens. Not entirely sure why, but it pisses me off. Has for years. And yet I still respond to the threads...

I agree OP. As a teacher I saw how much some children were addicted to screens and the impact on their learning and social skills and I vowed to minimise them as much as possible with my own kids. I now have a toddler and I'm slightly less judgemental than before - parenting is hard! We have cbeebies on most days in order to make dinner for example. The one and only time I have used a video on my phone was when waiting in A&E for 3 hours, Ms Rachel on YouTube was a god send at that point. But I will admit I am lucky to have a child who loves people watching and can be readily distracted with a snack or a fidget spinner. I'm conscious that if I have a trickier child in the future things could be different! More generally, I think a real problem is being stored up for the future for these kids. It's a real concern but hard to bring up without sounding judgemental and making people defensive... Not sure what the solution is...

I wonder why this pisses you off so much?

And I made it clear this was to be about a healthy discussion and defo not 'smug judginess'.

The effect on concentration is concerning, and the fact that the really creativity engendring 'boredom' never ever exists anymore - and all the anger related to any attempt to limit screen time too.

I haven’t witnessed this and am slightly nonplussed at your use of “addicted”. What makes you think this is an addiction? It’s a toy that wasn’t available when your own children were younger. Do they ask for screen time when they are having fun? On a slide? In a swimming pool? Walking along a wall?

Have a read of this. It's very sobering.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2024/mar/21/the-anxious-generation-by-jonathan-haidt-a-pocket-full-of-poison

The impact on children having so much phone/ipad screen time when young and growing up is huge.
I work in a secondary school and children, who had a good reading age in entry, no longer read as it’s not as cool as being in your phone. One I spoke to the other day says she uses that time to be with her friends online but added she sees a lot of scarey things in YouTube etc. and has noticed her mood is often low. She’s addicted and can’t break the habit. Her reading age has stagnated and she will now find it a lot more difficult to access her GCSE courses. It’s very sad but often the parents are also addicted.
Many who think their child has ADHD are mistaking the child’s short attention span from being on screens for something more than it is. Excessive screen time is having such a detrimental effect as many kids can’t hold a pencil or pen as they haven’t developed those hand muscles, and also can’t hold a conversation as they lack the experience of it.
There’s been an interesting series in this week’s Today programme about the negative impact of social media on the mental health of young people. It’s all a rather depressing picture.

@PracticallyPerfectedIt crossposted with you and I actually had a final paragraph along the lines of your post, but was struggling to articulate it properly so I deleted it, but you've said it so well.

I think you're absolutely right that in a lot of cases, people will be doing loads of other non-screen based activities but I have worked with families before where children really do have unlimited screen access. However there are usually some other issues going on as well, parent mental health problems or a recent bereavement or some other trigger which has then become an impossible habit to break.

So while I agree with the OP in general about screen use, I think it's complex and I too dislike the screen shaming posts. Hope that doesn't sound too contradictory, I'm having one of those days where I know what I'm trying to say but not expressing it very well!

It’s depressing because it teaches the child that they need to shut up, nothing they say is worth listening to and their parents aren’t interested in them.
I see babies with a bottle in one hand and a phone in the other. You can’t tell me they’ll grow up emotionally functional.

I am 100% addicted to my phone and I do not want that for my DD, she’s under 1 years old so never had any real screen time yet except the odd bit of TV. I want to really limit screen time for as long as I can as I know how addictive it is.
Writing this down has actually made me think about how much I use my phone, really need to try harder to put it down.

The rather angry and almost violent tantrums if parent attempts to limit screen time. And the increasing lack of enthusiam at doing other activities- saying it is 'boring' and the lack of concentration whenever other activities are attempted, games, drawing, walking outside to enjoy nature, sport, etc.

I have a nearly 4 year old and i totally agree with you. I see it all the time. Mostly in cafes/restaurants. But also in cars, trolleys, pushchairs. Screens have a place for sure. We use an old tablet for our DD on flights and long car journeys for a bit of time. But they're not the first choice. We do other stuff first. I regularly see parents have a personal tablet for their child and use it whenever they can. I also see the attitude to their kids, which can only be worsened by use of screens. I only heard the other day a mum go "i better get the wifi code so i can stop hearing you talk" then proceeds to dump a tablet in front of the child and sits on her phone browsing instagram.

We eat out quite a bit and I can honestly say I have never used my phone or a tablet to keep DD quiet. I sometimes go out solo with her to cafes for lunch or coffee shops and we do not use screens! We talk and often read books. If i need to use my phone for something when i'm with her 1 on 1 like that i'll explain what i'm doing be it messaging daddy or emailing the plumber.

We have TV time at home and i'm not strict with it. Sometimes cbeebies for 30 mins and a coffee is my self care for the day. But we have clear boundries and expectations on time for it and its not on all day. We have no screens after 4pm unless in exceptional circumstances (sickness). We do get small tantrums sometimes when we turn it off. But that's fine. Reminds me why i dont allow it constantly. I have a lovely, imaginative, thoughtful and caring child. Who i enjoy time with (mostly!). Not saying if she had a screen constantly i wouldnt have the same. But i do think less screen time helps some of those qualities.

I agree parenting is tough and you never know what a parents been through on a day or at that moment. But i do think the threat of mum shaming is actually now used to stop being calling out lazy toxic parenting! Yes everyone will get defensive about it. Because no one likes to be called out on their negative habits.