Nursery constantly sending home child- going to lose my job

[Ayeayee]

My child is 2 and to be honest I feel like the nursery centre does not like my child. As a result, it seems like they are constantly looking for reasons to send my child home, they are sent home every other week with illness, sometimes several times in that week. They will claim that they have a fever and are inconsolable but upon collection no fever and perfectly fine but they withhold a nap in these instances so child is tired so more cranky. Child is fine at home, no symptoms at home and then within a few hours of drop off, is suddenly symptomatic and needs collection and on collection is fine.

(to be clear no meds are administered at home when I say child is fine, so it’s not a case of oh well they’ve had calpol so they are ok at home but has worn off later)

dh and I have used all our emergency leave now and it’s not even March. Child has been sent home 5 times, twice this week! Same story. We can’t survive on one income.

there is no other Centre around, no childminder, nothing, no family or Friends who can take them either. At this rate I’m worried I’m going to lose my job.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost some privileges now at work due to this and have had a few raised eyebrows at the sheer volume of calls, they call me 6+ times to collect asap. It’s not always possible to leave there and then unless an actual emergency.

(reasons I don’t think they like my child, an insistence that they are delayed talking but they actually talk very well, so It’s leading me to think they aren’t engaged with, one accusation that my child (as a 1 year old) was actively victimising other children and wasn’t a very nice child, I’ve seen them shouted at, and I’ve had some serious instances of them being left in a soiled nappy for an excessive period of time, and consistent nappy rash that would clear up at home and when in the centre flare back up (to the point of bleeding) due to lack of changes.)

No they would not. They aren’t trained in that.

The nursery has raised concerns. About his interaction with peers and language development, which you’ve dismissed.

The head of paeds isn’t trained to spot behaviour problems or delays ? In what reality? Sorry but that’s utter non sense. This man was more than qualified.

the interaction they raised about peers was a 15 month old trying to play with pre walkers and being too rough

language there are clear milestones that a 2 year old should have, dc has all of them and some. And can speak in sentences, the milestone at 2 is 2 words together. Speech is fine

If keeping your job is a must, and also getting your child in a new setting is a must i think that leaves considering the very costly childcare option.

You could get a loan which costs less monthly than the increase in childcare costs but covers the additional cost. If you arent comfortable with debt, your other options are making more money or selling an asset like a car to cover the difference. Hopefully the financial pressure is only until funded hours kick in at 3 or you move up the waiting list on your other options. Sorry to hear about your situation, it's not easy whatever you do.

Again, they would not. They would rule out medical causes of concerns raised and then refer on to a community paediatrician and that would only be if you raised concerns. A paed dealing with allergies in a child isn’t looking at social or emotional behaviours.

You're continuing to be dismissive. They raised concerns. You have fobbed them off. That’s why they’re sending him home.

Honestly this is ridiculous.

the head of paeds IS a community paed, he is literally the head and runs a private general paeds practice too. You do not know who we have seen so stranger on the internet you just need to accept that I know who I have seen and what their qualifications are.

no they aren’t sending him home due communication problems, which would be discrimination or having behavioural problems they are claiming illness they’ve not said that dc needs extra support or they suspect additional needs

this is getting stupid now

If you know the nappy changes are now happening regularly that's great. Childcare is a very very hard area to navigate as is being a working parent, or any parent. If that nursery closed though, you'd not actually leave your kid(s) home alone all day while you worked, or not work and not feed them, you'd find a way, because you care about your kids. If the nursery is really inadequate, you need to tell yourself that you HAVE to find another way now, because you do.

It is ridiculous because you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

paediatricians supporting allergies are not the same as those who support children with or diagnose developmental disorders. You are now making stuff up to try and “win” an argument but are missing that your lack of knowledge means you keep putting your foot in it.

They have raised concerns about him and continue to send him because he appears unwell - not unusual in children if there is an issue.

It’s clear to me what’s going on here. You can consider their feedback and maybe start working with them or lose your job. Your call.

it it’s not a case of working with them because there is nothing to work with. No You’re just being contrary for the sake of it. I can’t be bothered to engage with this

no a general paed isn’t the same as one specific developmental disorders but we know who we’ve seen, we’ve been to the allergy clinic and been triaged there by the head of paeds who’s got a number of specialties including but not limited to allergies. I know who I’ve seen and the assessment they did on my child which included a developmental one. He’s passed his 2 year HV check. I specifically highlighted what the nursery said about communication to both of them

You need to pack in your job and get an evening/weekend job. Makes zero sense you working what you're doing now for a 'few hundred pounds' spare. Lose the childcare costs, look after your own child (revolutionary) and earn the ££ when husband is home.

Again, anyone specialised in allergies is not the same as someone who manages social and communication issues. Which is why I said community paediatrician.

You know best though, of course. Good luck.

Yes I actually do know best who I’ve seen, thanks 🫠

Only you don’t.

i said the cost of the higher nursery completely eradicated me working, here I’m a hundred up or so, so able to put food on the table

But is 'a hundred or so' £s worth it, given how abysmal your son's childcare experience is? I'd suck up the cost and put him in the higher costing nursery. Most people I know got through the the nursery years with credit cards.

Lots of judgement on here about OP not just jacking in her job and taking him out. The reality is most people need to work.

Sure, but she says she's going to get sacked anyway, so either way she won't have a job! 🙈 I don't understand why she doesn't just move him to the higher costing nursery. Surely that will cost less than losing her job!

No it doesn’t. Dismissal for taking emergency time off for dependants is automatically unfair and you don’t need 2 years’ service. However the problem is obviously that your time off may not be seen as reasonable

But you random stranger on the internet were there, in the appointments were you? You know the consultants we saw? In general paeds and allergy? Fgs, stop trolling

thats my point, it’s to the stage that it’s no longer reasonable. Which is what I’ve been told and it clearly isn’t as dh and I have 3 days emergency leave and we’ve already used it all and it’s not even March!

I’ll get let go if it continues this way for sure, sometimes I can get 10 phone calls a day Around collection, it’s not fair use of the phone etc so it’s a number of policies this situation breaks

A few ideas

Ask for an urgent meeting with the head of the nursery. Provide the total number of absences and discuss with them that when home they aren't presenting with a temp or issues at all, and are they checking for temp when child is upset? As body temperature of an over tired upset child will raise significantly.

You've already raised the nappies and that sounds to be resolved.

Can you look at weekend work/shift work that means one of you has child until the other is home etc? At least until you maybe succeed with the other nursery?

You could consider posting the area you live in in case anyone has suggestions at all

At my daughters hospital most of the paediatrician are general paediatricians. My daughter sees a paediatrician for allergies and reflux. He is a general paediatrician. When we had concerns with her language, he discussed with us our options and next plan. For us no hearing test as that has been completed during a previous developmental delay and contact our HV for support. If this wasn't helpful he said to get in touch and he would do referrals. He checked in with us about this at her next appointment and for us it has resolved. Paediatricians are more than capable of determining norm development. They are more than capable of determining development that doesn't look quite right and they are more than capable of determining development that is beyond their skills set and requires a more specialist referral. After 3 years our general paediatrician has come to the conclusion that my daughters reflux is beyond his expertises and we now have a specialist too.

A general paediatrician is not the same as a community paediatrician.

General paeds and community paeds aren’t the same thing. That’s the point.

You are saying a person that spends all day looking at sick and healthy, developmentally normal and those with concerns cant separate the two groups?

I'm just going to quote the remit for community paediatrician from my NHS trust page. I would link it but don't want to identify my location

Community paediatricians are doctors experienced in working with children and young people for an identified health need. Our community paediatricians are specially trained in child health and development. They see children for a wide variety of reasons. It may be to assess:

Developmental concerns in under 5’s
Specific developmental problems (such as Autism (ASD) or ADHD)
Learning difficulties (if a medical or neurodevelopmental cause is suspected)
Complex physical disabilities
Sensory impairments such as visual difficulties or hearing loss.
Specific genetic conditions.
Referrals to the service are via Single Point of Access (SPOA) all referrals are reviewed in order to identify the most appropriate service. The Community Paediatric team may give you advice or signpost you to another more suitable service.

This only applies if you’ve been with your employer for more than 2 years. I haven’t. You cannot claim unfair dismissal if you’ve been with your employer fewer than 2 years. Discrimination yes, but i do not fit into a protected characteristic

You are a woman.

Has your employer dismissed a man for caring for a sick child?

Do you have an HR department? I agree with having a frank and open discussion but get HR involvement. You also need to see their policies and procedures for parents.

I'm assuming your husband / partner has been with his employer for 2 years so he needs to become the default parent for the nursery to contact.

I know you have said he's not always available but if he was a single parent what would the nursery do?

I’m aware what a community paediatrician does. The OP did not see a community paediatrician.