Nursery constantly sending home child- going to lose my job

[Ayeayee]

My child is 2 and to be honest I feel like the nursery centre does not like my child. As a result, it seems like they are constantly looking for reasons to send my child home, they are sent home every other week with illness, sometimes several times in that week. They will claim that they have a fever and are inconsolable but upon collection no fever and perfectly fine but they withhold a nap in these instances so child is tired so more cranky. Child is fine at home, no symptoms at home and then within a few hours of drop off, is suddenly symptomatic and needs collection and on collection is fine.

(to be clear no meds are administered at home when I say child is fine, so it’s not a case of oh well they’ve had calpol so they are ok at home but has worn off later)

dh and I have used all our emergency leave now and it’s not even March. Child has been sent home 5 times, twice this week! Same story. We can’t survive on one income.

there is no other Centre around, no childminder, nothing, no family or Friends who can take them either. At this rate I’m worried I’m going to lose my job.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost some privileges now at work due to this and have had a few raised eyebrows at the sheer volume of calls, they call me 6+ times to collect asap. It’s not always possible to leave there and then unless an actual emergency.

(reasons I don’t think they like my child, an insistence that they are delayed talking but they actually talk very well, so It’s leading me to think they aren’t engaged with, one accusation that my child (as a 1 year old) was actively victimising other children and wasn’t a very nice child, I’ve seen them shouted at, and I’ve had some serious instances of them being left in a soiled nappy for an excessive period of time, and consistent nappy rash that would clear up at home and when in the centre flare back up (to the point of bleeding) due to lack of changes.)

We are desperately trying, these incidents have been spread over the course of 18 months but all true.

@Ayeayee I understand but until you have somewhere else for them to go you have to either make it work or have a risk of being let go if you’re in probation.

And when I moved my son from one nursery to another he still got a mini version of every sniffle going and constantly runny nose.

You don’t need me to give you ideas about how to change nursery that’s already been covered by others.

How remote are you ?

Maybe name a town near you

Have you looked on childcare site for cm or even nwoc

Does seem the nursery doesn't have enough staff and if goes over numbers need to get rid of kids

Maybe don't answer phone if they ring

Or tell them you are working away and can't collect till 6pm

Def talk to other parents and see if same is happening

On Fb local group ask about childcare and cm or nannys

A nanny? A childminder?

You can if they claim the DC has a temperature but when you arrive point the thermometer at their head and they don't have a temperature. You can smile at the nursery staff and say X does not have a temperature, so I'm off back to work.

Would you claim a DC had a temperature without taking their temperature though? Sounds like this nursery does.

i find it hard to believe there are no Nannie’s or child minders at all in the area. Have you tried asking on Facebook?

cost prohibitive means it is around £100 a day so pretty much eradicates my wages

That's mega expensive, but if you can afford it, surely it's worth it if you genuinely think you're going to lose your job anyway? When my kids were in nursery, I was paying more than £3k a month - more than I earned (post tax). But I knew it was worth it in the long run, and lived on credit cards for a while.

I honestly would do anything to not send my child back to a nursery like the one you describe - it sounds horrendous.

I’m a childminder and if a parent turned up at my door with a thermometer to “prove me wrong” it would be immediate notice served. You need to trust me to look after your child - if you don’t think I have their best interest at heart, it’s not a good fit. Be warned nursery might feel the same way.

This is one of the reasons why I would never use a childminder for my child 🙈

Short term:
How have you tackled this at work? Can you have a formal conversation with them about the situation, so that they are aware of what is going on? Perhaps ask them for advice on what would be best to do in your circumstance. Basically turn the tables and have them making suggestions that you can demonstrate are unreasonable (such as not picking up your child if they are sick). Check your rights to parental leave, too, to understand what you’re entitled to, to be able to look after your child in these circumstances. Also could you offer to make up the hours by going in earlier, or leaving later? If you’re doing pick ups and drop offs, could your DH offer to make up his hours, if he picks up his child? At least this way, you’re offering to repay the time lost on childcare while you find a long term solution.

Also, carry a thermometer with you and if the nursery mentions a temperature on the phone, ask them to check it again before you leave to pick them up. When you, or DH, turn up, take your DC’s temp while you are in front of staff and if it is normal, ask them to use their thermometer to double check. If both are normal, ask why they have asked you to pick up your DC.

Long term:
If child care alternatives are simply not available, could you rent your place out and rent somewhere instead, so that you can move to somewhere with better childcare options?
Are both your places of work completely rural? Are there no places, or child minders, local to your workplace?

You are entitled to take reasonable time off to deal with emergencies involving dependents - you can't be dismissed for this, and if you are, you will have very good prospects of bringing an unfair dismissal claim.

Employment Tribunals are very firmly on the side of the employee with this - reasonable time off is considered to be one or two days each occasion, but the number of occasions is unlimited. Your employer can't legally take any action against you, even if you have only been there a short time, and it would be automatically unfair if they dismiss you. Do not quit your job over this.

I would be honest with your employer about the situation you have found yourself in, that it is as frustrating for you as it is for them and you are doing all you can etc. However level with them that you are well aware of your rights.

I'd also recommend keeping a diary of all the occasions you have been asked to collect, the reason, and how your DC presented upon collection and afterwards. Sit down with the nursery to raise your concerns, threaten to raise a complaint if this continues.

It doesn’t matter if it eradicates your wages. And why is it YOUR wages? Why do women always work out how much the childcare affects THEIR salary and not their husbands? Staying in work keeps you employable, gives you purpose, ensures you are still contributing pension and NI etc.

i had almost the same predicament as you and I moved to a nursery twice as expensive that was over an hour round trip where my child was happy and well looked after.

I’m sorry but you just have to do it. What is the price to make sure your child is not sitting in shit all day? Come on - you know the answer.

dont forget they will get free hours before long and that will help financially. Many people go into debt during the childcare years too.

fyi you are entitled to unpaid family leave for emergencies too.

see if there’s any local mums Facebook groups and start asking on there about nurseries and childminders too.

This only applies if you’ve been with your employer for more than 2 years. I haven’t. You cannot claim unfair dismissal if you’ve been with your employer fewer than 2 years. Discrimination yes, but i do not fit into a protected characteristic

I’ve used that as an example of how costly it is and it would render us living on one wage, which we simply cannot do our bills are more than dh wage. Our mortgage practically doubled due to rising rates. All the increases of col have added 1k onto our monthly bills. So I don’t shoulder the cost of childcare alone rather it basically eradicates me working

And yes I’ve asked on Fb and all over the internet, nothing

rather it basically eradicates me working

I get it. I've been there. But so have loads of parents. This isn't an unusual situation - many many women decide to carry on working even though there is no short term financial benefit. It was literally costing me to go to work every day when my boys were young (I had 2 under 2, and was forking out £160 per day for nursery fees for them!). The point is, I think, that you do have an option. You say you are going to lose your job anyway, right? So, you can either go with that and stay at home with your child... or you can change nurseries to the more expensive one and just find ways to manage the cost until the funding kicks in (for me, to manage the £160 a day it was credit cards and additional work, eg tutoring and examining - not fun, but meant I could keep my career, and they're not in nursery forever!).

Lots of judgement on here about OP not just jacking in her job and taking him out. The reality is most people need to work. It's very naive to say 'I'd rather starve than put him in there'. It wouldn't just you starving though would it. It would be the kids as well. Surely not great parenting to intentionally impoverished your family. I would suggest being very vocal with the nursery about your concerns. You might need to become 'that parent'. Maybe see what other parents have experienced and see if you can get back up for changes. I'd also see if they are almost ready to move rooms whether they can go early. It might be the workers in that room that are rubbish and when he moves it gets better. It sounds like you have no options but to make this place work. I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds really hard x

S@Ayeayee your job brings in zero after childcare, is that right? Is your other child already in school?
Of you're bringing in zero anyway why not go sick / leave? Why are you putting yourself and your poor child through this?

Where are you based? People might be able to help you there. Most nursery schools in England take from the term after 3. Have you put your child down on the waiting lists for all spaces as it might just be they say they don't have spaces currently and one suddenly comes up. Have you tried pre schools compared to day care nurseries. Yes it is shorter hours but at least you might be able to manage work more easily with knowing you can definitely work rather than getting called out several times a week. Some childminders may have said they only have 2 days a week space (as many people put their children in part time now due to cost) and you discounted as they havent got the 5 days a week you need but you could do shared provision. Take the 2 days and then do 3 days at the nursery and hope that more days come up at childminder until you finally get the full days you need there. We see so many parents discount a provider as they haven't got the exact hours/days you want but it is sometimes better than nothing and once your in a setting you can say I want to increase as soon as you have spaces.

Because I won’t get paid at all, and it’s incredibly privileged to say oh just pull them out and put them where? I have to work in order for us to survive and no a min wage job won’t cut it

I’m on every waiting list. And no the other nursery school is the year they turn 4.

no childminders have space ive asked and I’ve got ads on childcare sites too.

even if it’s school hours it leaves me with wrap care to source too, which I can’t as there is no one. And it’s the same predicament, we are on the list regardless. This nursery also has 2 months notice

but everything I’ve tried. Literally everything.

Sorry if my message came across as harsh but unfortunately going skint, using credit cards and debt is the reality for many people paying for childcare.it truly sucks.

Hi op,

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I feel something is going to have to be sacrificed here for the wellbeing of your child.

Although an incredibly difficult process, I would urge you to move as soon as possible to a more suitable location.

Childcare is difficult and I feel your pain as my son was on his 3rd childcare setting by 2 and a half.

Are the childminders in your are (if you trust them) able to share care at all? For example, do any of them have a day each free you could have? Maybe ask about this. When my first childminder quit, i found another who had a 2 day space free, and i literally took whatever I could get at the time.

But you said upthread "the cost of childcare eradicates me working". So if you're not a net contributer why are you putting your child through this? You're in a new company, you're likely to get sacked anyway, it's not as though you're in a well established role where you're liked and respected?