Nursery constantly sending home child- going to lose my job

[Ayeayee]

My child is 2 and to be honest I feel like the nursery centre does not like my child. As a result, it seems like they are constantly looking for reasons to send my child home, they are sent home every other week with illness, sometimes several times in that week. They will claim that they have a fever and are inconsolable but upon collection no fever and perfectly fine but they withhold a nap in these instances so child is tired so more cranky. Child is fine at home, no symptoms at home and then within a few hours of drop off, is suddenly symptomatic and needs collection and on collection is fine.

(to be clear no meds are administered at home when I say child is fine, so it’s not a case of oh well they’ve had calpol so they are ok at home but has worn off later)

dh and I have used all our emergency leave now and it’s not even March. Child has been sent home 5 times, twice this week! Same story. We can’t survive on one income.

there is no other Centre around, no childminder, nothing, no family or Friends who can take them either. At this rate I’m worried I’m going to lose my job.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost some privileges now at work due to this and have had a few raised eyebrows at the sheer volume of calls, they call me 6+ times to collect asap. It’s not always possible to leave there and then unless an actual emergency.

(reasons I don’t think they like my child, an insistence that they are delayed talking but they actually talk very well, so It’s leading me to think they aren’t engaged with, one accusation that my child (as a 1 year old) was actively victimising other children and wasn’t a very nice child, I’ve seen them shouted at, and I’ve had some serious instances of them being left in a soiled nappy for an excessive period of time, and consistent nappy rash that would clear up at home and when in the centre flare back up (to the point of bleeding) due to lack of changes.)

If your wage completely covers childcare then what difference will it meet if you stop work? Or are you saying you earn slightly more than your childcare costs?

Honestly it sounds like everyone would be better off if the lower paid person stopped work and took an evening/weekend job somewhere for a few years.

Because me not working will put us into debt. The currrnt nursery has 2 month notice which I’ll have to pay and not working I can’t afford it.

i said the cost of the higher nursery completely eradicated me working, here I’m a hundred up or so, so able to put food on the table

If you're only a hundred or so up after childcare costs, then surely it would make sense for the lowest earner to give up their day time job, cancel childcare (work notice periods, so no debt), and then get an evening/weekend job where no childcare is needed, which will, even at minimum wage and part time hours, bring in more than a hundred or so that is currently being brought in after childcare. (I think you'd need to work about 8/9 hours minimum wage for that £100). It's not ideal long term career wise, but for a year or two until your youngest is school age, it might just be what you have to do.

Blimey OP. This is such a shit situation for you.
Is there any way you can make up extra hours with your work. Could you offer to do Saturdays for example?

I'm sure you have already considered this. I believe you when you say you have tried everything!

Two of my kids were selectively mute (not 100% but not far off) when they started kindergarten and the school rightly raised it as as issue. I dismissed the schools concerns as the kids were both great talkers at home. Given a bit more time it was obviously to the school both kids were fine and happy and after a year of so they both spoke more at school. The point being that I'm not sure it's unusual to not talk in a different settings, that it doesn't mean anything is wrong but that it's also not wrong of the nursery to raise it as a potential issue.
You could film your son at home to show them.

I really hope you manage to sort something.

So you are left with around £100 after paying childcare

Wouldn't it make more sense to stop daytime working and find an evening job or weekends and hubby look after child so no costs

Cleaning shops macdonalds waitress pubs etx

You would be left with more than £100

@Ayeayee come on, you're either lying or you're not very bright.
Serve notice at nursery, serve notice at.your work to coincide. Get an evening job somewhere.
Is it worth your child being neglected for £100 a month???

It’s really hard to give up on a career job for what you hope will be a temporary childcare issue though, good jobs are not all that easy to find. But @Ayeayee im not so sure you do have a good supportive employer here - some childcare settling issues are to be expected and if they’re already withdrawing privileges etc, they don’t sound supportive.

Given all the things op has said re the nursery I don’t think the huge discrepancy in behaviour is normal, no. I think your situation is clearly different @onl as you overall thought it was a good setting.

tbh though, children not talking in their main childcare setting - I just can’t see how that’s good or in the interests of good development.

Radical idea but perhaps look at becoming a childminder if there are not many childcare options in your area.

OP has already said upthread that she has a disability which would prevent this.

i said the cost of the higher nursery completely eradicated me working, here I’m a hundred up or so, so able to put food on the table

So go and work in a supermarket two nights a week and earn the £100 that way 🤷‍♀️

Aww op, you have my sympathy! I have been here and it's awful. Asking for a meeting with nursery staff is probably the best way to go about it. Tell them it's affecting your job and explain that you can't understand why they are saying he's unwell when he's clearly not, is there an underlying issue? When I went through this with my son, he was eventually diagnosed with development learning delay and sen needs. He's 8 now and finally where he needs to be, in a school where he's supported one to one. But before this happens, he got sent home, expelled even fully excluded from one school. He was 5. The fight we have to put up so our children get the support they need is insane! Don't wait, rasie concerns now because it's a battle. I unfortunately don't have advice on work, at the worst I had no choice but to give up. The school called me constantly to pick him up. Get that meeting booked with nursery and find out what's happening, I wish you all the best

This setting sounds appalling OP. Do you know other parents who send their children there? Do they have similar complains/concerns. I feel they need reporting to the governing body is it ofsted in England? I’m in a different part of the UK which is why I don’t know! There seem to be safeguarding and care issues which is unacceptable & needs dealing with.
Im sorry you are in this awful predicament but like others have said have an open & honest chat with your employer about how much this nursery is being a pain in the arse & you’re doing your best to find a solution. Fingers crossed something comes up does you.

You don’t seem to understand that the few £100 extra I have from working (yes I meant few £100 and not £100 upthread but was rushing).

the nappies I raised to the head of the centre and they now supervise all changes so it’s not happening, not that makes it ok.

but i have to make it work until I find something else. I wonder if it’s retaliation from the centre sending him home all the time due to the fuss I made on nappies

I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to get from this post to be honest. People are making many and varied suggestions - leaving your job for part time work, a meeting with your employer, meeting with the nursery, being more firm with the nursery at collection, moving to a new area, advertising locally for childminders - and you are adamant nothing can be done. If you're just after a moan you are entitled to one, it really sounds shit, but it doesn't seem like you're interested in moving forward with any of the options available to you.

If what you are saying is true you need to report them. I've worked in childcare for many years and would never leave a soiled nappy on a child. Neither would my colleagues as soon as child is finished it's changed. Yes there are some children you just can't take to but as a professional you don't show it
If a child is sick they go home simple as we are not doctors or nurses. When you decide to have children you need to look at all the facts of having a back up if child is sick. Sounds harsh but it's true unfortunately

Quitting and taking a part time job just aren’t options so they sadly won’t work.

dh has had another meeting today, explaining that in the wider context of incidents it feels personal to my child. Good idea we took on board asap.

dh is also speaking to his work- another good one. Sorry I’ve not come back on everything it’s just been hectic.

conscious about my employer as I’m in hot water anyway, I think I need to let the situation cool down a bit first

If they’ve told you they don’t think your child is nice, they’ve shouted at your child and not changed their nappy…why do you want your child to be there?!

I agree it’s also worth going to the body supervising nurseries in England, but, again this is likely to make the situation more, and not less, hostile.

There are 12 nurseries within walking distance of my home. My daughter has applied for a space for one of my grandsons. The minimum wait list time is 8 months. There are only four registered childminders in our area, so yes, it is absolutely possible.

Quitting and taking a part time job just aren’t options so they sadly won’t work

Why isn't it an option? If you only need to be making a couple of hundred a month this seems like a good solution.

What do you mean by nursery centre? Is that different from a normal private nursery? We have a lot of private nurseries where I live. But I haven’t heard of a nursery centre.

Quitting and taking a part time job just aren’t options so they sadly won’t work.

Why on earth not? Your child is being neglected here.

OP it's so hard when you're working but honestly your child needs to never go back
There. Come on. I've been where you are and have put work first but have regretted it ever since. Put her child first and find another arrangement asap. Today. There are always choices . Make the right one

Can you husband quit his job? Just asking as. Most posters are saying you have to. Nice sexism there.

Also how long would it find to get an appropriate job?