Be honest.. when does parenting get easier?

[Liverpoolgirl50]

I had PND for the first year so there is a definite fog around that, my DD had a cows milk allergy and reflux, and was a pretty poorly baby. It got a little easier after she turned 1 and started walking - I was actually beginning to really enjoy it all. She’s about to turn 20 months and BAM - tantrums.

Fall to the ground, won’t get up, won’t be held, screaming tantrums. In the middle of Tesco, usually, because I’m trying to hurry her along or won’t let her have something. I try and manage them as best I can - getting to her level, asking her to use her words to explain the problem, even good old distraction. It is works 9/10 times but god the whole process is exhausting.

Does this phase last a long time? She’s a fairly strong willed little girl and I’m doing my best, but for example, when will going out in public become enjoyable again and not an anxiety inducing activity? 😂

@MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned 😂Oh absolutely, very tricky. My MIL has my five year old today (something she rarely did when he was under 3... wonder why). When I pick him up later I'll tell her she should be grateful she wasn't looking after her 42 year old son or his 45 year old brother instead 😂

Obviously you still worry about children whatever age they are, and obviously some teens experience problems that go far beyond changing nappies and dealing with tantrums. But I think most people agree that once a child is reasonably physically independent and the drudgery of looking after a baby is over, your day-to-day life gets much easier.

@MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned I think it's weirder if your parents don't worry about you!

I think my son got ‘easier’ at about 4. He became a little more reasonable. He seemed to finally crack the idea that some things were dangerous and to keep away from them. Until then, it sometimes seemed like he was hell bent on his own destruction and my full time job was keeping him alive. That was exhausting.

He’s gotten cheekier though as he’s gotten older. Now he seems to want to give himself diabetes through only eating absolute shit and mulch his brain from screens. Easier insofar as I’m not racing after him, but harder insofar as I have to continually argue with him.

DryIce · Today 15:10

But do they lie on the ground shrieking when you take them to Tesco? Which was the OP's original question

Well if they do, I'm not there to see it. I avoided taking little ones to Tesco anyway. Especially as I had two by the time the first was 22 months. I don't recall any of mine doing that, no. They had their own foibles!

I don't think you have read the title of this thread.

My answer to the question asked is, it's never easy, just different.

Mea culpa, I responded anyway to how the thread had developed, and some of the utter horseshit that's been spouted.

The worst year of parenting I ever had was when dd was 21. Sorry, @Liverpoolgirl50

I'm sure they do worry about me. As they get older, I worry about them, too. I also worry about my children. I worry about DH, and my brother, and my (getting quite elderly) PIL, and about everyone else I love. None of that feels like especially hard work.

I have a 12 year old, 2 year old and 9 month old. All 3 are difficult in different ways, but my experience with my eldest was that 3-10 was a breeze for the most part, started getting hormonal stroppy and difficult around 10, even more so in the past 8 months 😬

There is a sweet spot between 9-12 and then it goes to shit again 😂 Luckly I adore them

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · Today 16:39

None of that feels like especially hard work.

It's quite a heavy mental load, I can assure you. You'll see.

For me probably 0-4 were the most intensive active parenting phase combined with sleep deprivation and so far the period after that hasn't been as hard.

That's not to say Ive not worried about my kids or found things stressful (GCSEs, going to a concert and missing the last train etc, going on holiday with friends, trip in a car with a new driver etc) or that there won't be equally difficult aspects of parenting going forward. I'm anticipating DD settling at uni might be pretty tough... whether I think it compares with toddler-dom we'll have to wait and see.

I have 3, once noone was under 5 it really became much, much easier. Luckily we had no major issues with them as teens.
A lot of it is luck and situational, the personality they have, and how much help you have as parents. I was always home with them full time when they were small and I think that helped - although I know many women don't want to be a SAHM or financially don't have that option.

Babies and toddlers more full-on and tiring. Teens more stressful. Mine has mental health difficulties though. Puts a real strain on the family.

Mines just turned 7 last week and I'd say it started getting easier around 6. She's very independent, insists on showering and dressing herself and is quite happy to entertain herself, sit and read a book/draw/colour.

Also follow instructions. Pretty much as soon as I could reason with her 😂.

Also, they get more fun as well. Like we can sit and play Guess who on a Saturday and she's genuinely good at it, and other games.

Babies/toddlers are cute but I much prefer it when they can talk back and we can do stuff we both enjoy.

Yes agree, the everyday teen things, getting in a huff when you call them for dinner as on their game, them going out (with consent) and then having to get out your pjs as they’ve missed the last bus, driving, exams and going off to uni I personally didn’t find particularly stressful at all. However the bigger issues such as mental health issues, school refusal, getting in with wrong crowd (or wrong man as have seen in my work) drugs, bullying, abandonment by other parent, police involvement etc are on a different level.

Lets take this to sn extreme. My MIL is in her late 80s, has 3DC in their 50s, all in stable relationships and with good jobs. She meanwhile has dementia. Who is worrying most about whom in this situation? And guess what, my teens are lovely with her and make allowances for her when she repeats herself or gets a bit confused during a conversation. They aren't the ones DH and I worry about the most and have to make the most accomodations for when we go out for the day.

When my Mum was caring for my grandfather towards the end of her life she said looking after her father was far worse than caring for children (she had 4 young adults by this point) because children get easier every day and there's a lot of joy involved in looking after them whereas he was losing capacity every day and there was only one end.

I would find the 1 year old easier for the following reasons:
There would be a clear structure with no negotiation eg: breakfast, dressed, park, lunch, nap, soft play, tea, bath, bed.
They are content with relatively simple activities and have wonder in small things.
I wouldn't have to do imaginative play or police screen time.
I could have an adult conversation
They would probably nap
There would be no arguments about food.

Negotiating with a toddler throwing a tantrum in Tesco? Pfffttt to that!!

Under the arm, legs in front so you can hold them, and get out of there. Go outside somewhere to let them work off their tantrum, and whatever it is they wanted/didn't want? Off the table....

And heads up, I thought my DC was a master of the tantrum at 18 months, oh no, that was just a warm up. Terrible twos are called that for a reason I'm afraid!

People go an about "terrible twos", but 18-24 months was the worst for tantrums in my experience

Looking back now dd1 nearly 18 primary years are golden 6- 12. Have enjoyed teens but it is definitely more challenging than primary. Baby early pre school definitely hardest and most labour intensive.

Mine are 7 and 9 and although it’s not as constant as when they were tiny, I think it is still hard. I’m an easily overwhelmed person though and I also think I have fairly needy kids.

With 3 wonderful adult DC I agree, they’re more of a help than work and is lovely seeing them getting in with their lives etc. I can imagine if someone has an adult DC addicted to drugs or in a DV situation then would be completely different but that isn’t typical.
I suppose when people say teenage years more difficult it’s because not so unusual to have at least 1 off teenagers go through some kind of major issue and that can be the most challenging part of parenting someone finds they have experienced. I know I definitely found that to be the case despite also going through quite challenging baby and toddler phrases. With now younger children too it is definitely the stage of parenthood I most fear again. Equally, I had one baby who was so easy, hardly woke in the night, napped in the day, hardly ever cried unless hungry etc, never had tantrums as a toddler, was an absolute joy and would gladly do her 0-4 10x over, just as one of my teenagers been an absolute joy throughout teenage years. However generally I always say if could skip the 8 months - 4 year stage and the teenage years I gladly would 🤣

''My kids aren’t teens yet but I can be certain it is only people with easy babies that say this

and why? The teen years are nearly two decades away for an OP that is struggling. What’s the point of mentioning it?

it’s very self centred.

yes I’m aware there’s a different type of worry when they are going out and you don’t known whether they are safe.

and based my second child maybe I’d say that later.

but with the first one sleep was very very tough for a long time and she was 3-4 before I started to have enough sleep in enough long stretches enough nights to begin to recover.

if a partying teen is the worst your sleep gets - when you may wake or stay awake to hear them come in safely but you can also sleep in or have a nap in the day and don’t have to get up with them at 5/6/7am is the most disrupted sleep you have then you are very lucky.''

My dd was definitely not an easy baby, or easy toddler for that matter.

The sleep I lose now she's a teen is because I'm worrying about her, not because she's out. The worry of having a teen, especially if they struggle with their mental health, is all consuming. Someone on another thread the problem with teens is the stakes are so much higher which is true, peer pressure, bullying, social media, education, their future, sex, drugs, alcohol...

The arrogance of the poster who thinks they're going to sail through the teen years because they've put the work in early on 🙄 yeah right, good luck with that.

Thanks for this......Mine are (18 and 15) and 5, 4 3 2 and 8 months.....You survived and so shall I !

Tbh, I found things easier from 2 and a half. When I could reason quite well with my son, he understood a lot, and this is when he was potty trained! He's nearly 3 so I'm sure I have other challenges ahead, but so far I've found the last 6 months pretty good!