Be honest.. when does parenting get easier?

[Liverpoolgirl50]

I had PND for the first year so there is a definite fog around that, my DD had a cows milk allergy and reflux, and was a pretty poorly baby. It got a little easier after she turned 1 and started walking - I was actually beginning to really enjoy it all. She’s about to turn 20 months and BAM - tantrums.

Fall to the ground, won’t get up, won’t be held, screaming tantrums. In the middle of Tesco, usually, because I’m trying to hurry her along or won’t let her have something. I try and manage them as best I can - getting to her level, asking her to use her words to explain the problem, even good old distraction. It is works 9/10 times but god the whole process is exhausting.

Does this phase last a long time? She’s a fairly strong willed little girl and I’m doing my best, but for example, when will going out in public become enjoyable again and not an anxiety inducing activity? 😂

Very true, it is such a difficult age, having to literally watch them constantly 😓 they often still don’t sleep well, can’t really understand those who say it doesn’t get any easier, of course it’s far easier with my 4 year old whom will sit and watch a programme for half hour with a snack, sleeps through the night etc

Parenting gets easier when you start giving your kids chores. Every day. Unload the dishwasher. Take out the recycling. Don't feel guilty. This teaches your kids responsibility and makes them understand that people depend on them. It also gives them self esteem.

As others say, it's just really varied.

For me, it was relentless until DD was rising five, because she didn't sleep. She had a blissful patch when she was 9 months to a year when she decided to sleep for five hours at a stretch, and that was it.

She's now nearly 7, and honestly, the time from 5-7 has been absolutely lovely. Sure, she isn't perfect; I'm sure I complain. But it's just such a nice age. You can have a good chat with them, and they are endlessly curious and funny and enthusiastic.

Without the sleeping issues, I also really rated age 2-3. The tantrums become easier as they get better able to communicate - there's a real hill to get over, when they feel they're making it quite clear what they need and they're just furious you don't get it. Then they get over that, and they're so happy. And that keeps happening (IME!) every few months - but you can ride it out each time, and each time they're so pleased at the new thing they've cracked.

I so much relate to your description of a Tesco shop, though - vivid memories of DD pounding the floor yelling 'MUMMY! I WANT MY MUMMY!' at the top of her lungs. Later she learned to add 'YOU NOT MY MUMMY!' into the mix. Good times. The security guards came to know me well.

My DD is similar age OP, 25months and started the tantrums when she was about 20months. I've just learnt to go along with them, ignore them and certainly ignore the people who comment 'ahh poor LO what's wrong' when it's happening. Just remember every parent (or most parents) have been through this stage and no one is judging (and if they are they have a very short memory or have never had children). When the tantrum starts in public, I let DD have it and ignore for 1-2 minutes and if it doesn't stop she's picked up (kicking and screaming if she wants) and I go about what ever it is I'm doing. They are still very young and learning to express themselves when they don't have all the words to tell us what it is they actually want/need, and more often than not they are just learning boundaries and what boundaries they can push, it's nothing personal

So many variables, primarily the temperaments of both child and parent. For me, the early years were so hard I completely distrusted anyone who said they found it easy and it took years to realise how different people’s experiences can be. Like people who have babies who slept weren’t managing it all when deranged with waking up many times each night. They had their own challenges but I can’t imagine the early years without that so it would influence my answer.

Tantrums are hard. I thought my eldest would avoid them as she was so articulate and verbal, I thought as she could describe what was wrong or how she felt that would mean it wasn’t needed. It may have helped but when she lost it, I could see that the issue was feeling the big feels - sometimes they are just overwhelming and it takes time for kids to develop ways of navigating them, with your help whilst they do. Solidarity though.

1. For both mine

I honestly think that sometimes in order to believe that it will get easier you have to train your mindset to change.

I try and lead a calm and easy going day to day with my 2.5 year old I.e as little rushing as possible, less strict boundaries about things which maybe don't really matter I.e making a mess and I've found it helps with tantrums a lot. I've had to 'let go' of a lot of my own stresses and hangups in order to make the days easier.

I know everyone parents differently and we don't always have the luxury of time but sometimes it's down to our perception of things. All behaviour is communication as far as toddlers are concerned, and I do remember from 18 months - 2 years my little girl being particularly angry because I think they struggle to communicate what they want/need/feel at that age.

I hope it gets easier for you, I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job.

It basically doesn't. Different ages bring different challenges.

It's wonderful but it's a life sentence.

Mum of 3 20-somethings

There speaks someone who didn't have a difficult baby.

Sorry, but honestly: it's true.

DD is four and she's far more reasonable than she was a year ago! She's really funny and generally lovely to be around. Of course she has her moments, but I feel like tweens and teens (and many adults!) are prone to major strops too, so that's ok!

I find I enjoy parenting more with every stage.

Between 4/5 because they stop being babies and can do more for them selves and you do “get a minute” . But it also becomes hard in a different way - there are no clear answers anymore about dealing with friends and different situations.

I think it has got easier every day. The sheer exhaustion of caring for a newborn while every orifice in your body is leaking was horrendous. Whereas yesterday I took my 2 teenagers into town, we had lunch, then did some shopping and went to the cinema to see Mean Girls. Nobody shat all over their clothes, nobody had a tantrum, nobody complained they were bored, it was a genuinely nice day out with two of my favourite people. Obviously they get easier as they get older and I'm going to miss them so much when they go to University.

FWIW @Liverpoolgirl50 I thought toddlerdom was a fab stage, yes they have tantrums which is very boring but language acquisition is fascinating and such a joyous stage and I loved watching them get confident about expressing themselves. And soon you'll be able to potty train and that feels like a big step forward as well.

There’s a sweet spot between maybe 7 and 12 where it’s fun and you do things together and they are articulate and up for it… then teens can bring very different serious concerns, then twenties have their own worries…
I long for the days when calpol and CBeebies solved most problems!!!!!

SarahAndQuack · Today 23:19

There speaks someone who didn't have a difficult baby.

Sorry, but honestly: it's true.

HTAF did you work that out? My 3rd was a nightmare. Never bloody slept. Woke several times a night until they were 2, bf until 22 months. If they'd been the 1st we would probably have been the last. First had reflux. All of them had colic!

All three were horrendous to potty train.

But I can tell you that even when they are grown up, you still worry all the time about their lives and happiness.

I assume you have a baby... Please don't patronise me.

It gets easier in steps. When they sleep through the night is the first biggie. Then when they start nursery school, so you can have some time to yourself. Then all the steps towards them becoming more independent.

Of course there are hiccups and new issues along the way, but unless your children have specific difficulties, those of you saying it never gets easier are forgetting what it was like when you were sleep-deprived with a baby who’d been crying for the last hour.

I’d say from 5 - only because they understand you more (of course depends on the child and parenting method) but from about 5 I could reason with my daughter and I feel we’ve had a pretty good relationship. I also took her to so many places with me so she was used to it.

Agree with everyone in terms of the challenges change but it gets nicer when you can communicate in the same “language”.

After you get the book ‘calm parents happy kids’ and implement it

was recommended to me on hear at about your stage and it was a game changer for toddler tantrums and everything since.

i over invest in them hugely in the early years. I want to put meeting their emotional needs not just ok but well at the top of my priorities

(and that doesn’t mean solving every problem. Sometimes it means having time to hear out the tantrum with calm acceptance even if it’s a couple of hours)

as well as positive stuff like whole heartedly joining their imaginary games, I cosleep whwnever asked( I LOVE cosleeping with them though)

at 5 and 10 they have a joy and confidence that comes from knowing they are deeply loved, accepted and supported as they are.

Really, that book helped me develop my parenting approach and I’ve enjoyed it most of the time since.

when things come up (older one went through an anxious phase aged 7-8) I turn to that book and similar resources to help me work it out.

It gets more difficult in different ways and easier in others are you go along.

This ^^ and which age one personally finds easier and more difficult I think we depend on one's temperament and individual skill set. I find the mental worry for teenagers almost unbearable compared to the physical busyness of littles for example.

I found 0-3 very challenging in all honesty. But we had a mix of colic/reflux with a very early walker who was very high needs with lots of energy. It's gotten better since 3.5 and now at 4 we've turned a corner finally it seems. Still needs lots of stimulation but now his understanding is really good so if I explain beforehand, he will usually take things much better. Also FINALLY plays by himself for a short while so gives me a little break as he's off pretending he's a dinosaur or whatever.

My son was pretty easy, although always strong willed, between age 0-3. However age 3-5 nearly killed me. 5 now…I think we’re getting out of the fog. I think every child/parent has their ‘worst’ age moment.

Dd1 had a cows milk allergy and reflux, then we had the terrible twos and threenager years. I enjoyed her nearer four. There have been other challenges but not as draining as the first three years. I imagine the teen years are going to be torturous though definitely. Has anyone told you about year 9?!

I found the 5-10yo stage the most enjoyable, dd was fun, easily pleased and generally good company. I think back to this time as the golden years.

Once she started secondary it got hard again and the teen years have been brutal.

She's 18 now and I lose more sleep over her now than I ever did when she was a baby.

This.

This age is tough!

I handled tantrums by removing triggers where possible. My DC tantrummed mostly when they were hungry, tired or didn't know what was happening. So I became quite a routine person - regular bedtime, meal and snack times, tried to be home at nap times or timed car journeys to include nap time.

It restricted us a little but I found having a really consistent routine helped. I also had a fridge chart where we'd look at what we were going to do today (I drew pictures of the church for playgroup, cat for nana's house etc).

When they started school we could be a lot more flexible.

HeddaGarbled · Yesterday 23:50

Of course there are hiccups and new issues along the way, but unless your children have specific difficulties, those of you saying it never gets easier are forgetting what it was like when you were sleep-deprived with a baby who’d been crying for the last hour.

Come back to me when your children are older.