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School want me to come in 3 times a week?

192 replies

WhatanEmbarrasment · 14/01/2024 13:12

Would you find this too much? I have a 9 year old who doesn’t like school he often refuses to go in and this can make us late as it’s difficult getting him up and ready meaning we are often late (it isn’t our closest school and I’ve looked into moving him but he doesn’t want to change schools) a member of staff approached me from his school a year ago to speak about his dislike of school and asked me if I could come in for a meeting I said yes, during the meeting we spoke and she asked if I could come in every Thursday and sit with him for an hour whilst he does his work. I agreed at the time as she said she thought it would help him want to come in but I didn’t realise how long it would go on for, it’s been a year. Initially I thought it would be a few weeks or something?! There’s been breaks where I haven’t been in for illness etc but this started a year ago. The other day I dropped him to school and I had an awful morning where everything was just on top of me so when she caught me I looked like I was about to cry (I wasn’t it was just the last thing I needed) so she asked me to come in the next day, I came in and she’s basically asking me to come in 3 times a week for different things, every week so as a regular thing.

I feel like 3 times a week is far too much, even 1 day a week felt quite full on as I don’t know anyone who has weekly meetings at their children’s school. It hasn’t helped or changed the situation at all. Sometimes I will try to avoid her and drop them and hope to quickly leave so I don’t see her but she has clearly told the office not to let my children in until she gets there as I will buzz but they won’t let me in until she arrives. Would you find 3 times a week too much? I don’t know how to get out of this

OP posts:
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DottyLottieLou · 16/01/2024 05:31

My son suffered school refusal. Turned out it was anxiety. This led to depression. Best thing is try to get the anxiety sorted. Go private if you can. Camhs weren't much use as they are seriously under pressure with much worse situations so our appt was often cancelled.

ISSTIUTNG · 16/01/2024 07:59

OP without sounding harsh I think you really need to step up for your child a bit. Like pp have said you sound so passive about this. Where do you see his future if before he's even at secondary school he is refusing to engage with school?

He needs you and the school to be firm with him whatever his needs are. Not going to school isn't an option, nor is you going into the school every 5 minutes to pacify him. I think this is ultimately going to make things worse and send him mixed messages as it's basically a step towards homeschooling

The thing I find you to be most strangely passive about is how you describe your DS as a person..... because you don't really... I've read all of this thread and I really don't know much about what he's like as a child how he's doing academically, whether he's loud/quiet/funny/cheeky/sensitive. Are you or the school really considering this because imo it could be massive in deciding how to support him or how to assess for SEN

I'm usually one who gets irritated at people insisting that every little thing must be SEN. However, in this case I think it really needs scrutinising. You say he doesn't talk to any of the kids. So he doesn't have any friends at all?! This is wildly unusual for a 9 year old surely?! Even if he hates the work and is shy most will have at least one or two kids who's company they enjoy. Does he enjoy playdates out of school? How about the siblings? How does he interact with them? I really think he needs an in depth assessment to establish what his needs are as there clearly are some.

Please have a bit of gumption now OP before it's too late. This isn't really about the school inconveniencing you. It's about a little boy who for whatever reason is missing out on his right to an edcation

Joyk1980 · 16/01/2024 08:05

Please look in to this more. School attendance difficulties are often linked to underlying SEN or mental health issues. School SENCOs often have very little SEN training and are not trained to diagnose SEN. Please either go to GP for a referral or if you can afford it get a private assessment.
Also Google “not fine in school”. Forcing your son into school can cause long term trauma and this will become a huge problem when he gets to secondary school.
You should stop going in to school as well. They need to apply for extra funding to support him and not use you as free help. Ask them to get an urgent educational psychologist assessment in the classroom.
Please be an advocate for your child. He has to know you are on his side.

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Mamabear487 · 16/01/2024 15:14

Your the parent. I can’t actually believe your taking orders from a 4/5 year old who’s in reception. You should call the shots and it’s not your responsibility to make him like school. That’s what the school is for and the help they offer

WhatanEmbarrasment · 16/01/2024 15:16

I’ve decided not to come back to this thread as the comments were vile tbh he’s not 4/5 read the thread properly he is 10 in two months! Wont be back so no need for further comments

OP posts:
Terfarina · 16/01/2024 15:35

gosh - I thought there was quite a lot of helpful advice

HarlaEB · 16/01/2024 15:39

And there is the difficulty for schools.

Giving good advice is only acceptable when the parent is working with you to improve the life chances of the child.

When the parent doesn't want to hear, or accept that there is also a role that they play….

AtLeastHalfRelieved · 16/01/2024 15:43

Do any of his siblings have SEN?

MrsMariaReynolds · 16/01/2024 15:44

I would find another school for your child, if for no other reason than they seem a bit shit.

An out of touch SENCO, and fobbing off work to a parent?? work that should be done by a paid staff member to educate your son. For over a year? Serious piss taking there.

LIZS · 16/01/2024 15:49

Terfarina · 16/01/2024 15:35

gosh - I thought there was quite a lot of helpful advice

Me too Confused This situation needs addressing before he is due to apply for secondary school.

DyslexicPoster · 16/01/2024 15:55

How strange. My dd has sen and ehcp and is awful going in. However, I'm not allowed in school under any circumstances. I can't read to another year group, can't volunteer in the library, can't help sell cakes etc in case dd sees me. Even if I volunteer for reading help to another year group when she's out in the hall doing PE it's a no. I'm have expecting school to not let me meet her after school at this rate, or wear a balaclava.

BTW your child does have SEN IMO in its true meaning of the term. Sen isn't a diagnosable condition, it's a special educational need - ie needs 1:1 in this case with you.

There's a mum in my ds class who says her son hasnt got any special needs as he is just naughty. He hasn't got ASD, ADD, ADHA etc, but he is excluded, can't cope with school, I'd argue these are special educational needs.

AuntMarch · 16/01/2024 17:17

It's a shame OP won't be returning but I'm going to post my reply anyway.

SEND doesn't necessarily mean a diagnosis. A child with this high a level of anxiety around school should be on their SEND register. It is a special educational need. It is special educational needs and/or disabilities. One does not necessarily mean the other. I feel like the school are fobbing OP off here. (And I have worked in schools since 2013, I know it is tough!)

Given the DC doesn't like school anyway, I would 100% be trying to move both children to the closer school if possible to take the journey time off - the younger child deserves to get there on time.

ChaosAndCrumbs · 16/01/2024 18:22

WhatanEmbarrasment · 16/01/2024 15:16

I’ve decided not to come back to this thread as the comments were vile tbh he’s not 4/5 read the thread properly he is 10 in two months! Wont be back so no need for further comments

Sorry if any of it was me. 😔 Honestly didn’t mean to offend, was just trying to help.

Hereinthismoment · 16/01/2024 18:27

Don’t think it was @ChaosAndCrumbs

Theres always some idiot who can’t read but decides to tell OP how much better they’d do her life than she is.

ChaosAndCrumbs · 16/01/2024 21:12

Thanks, @Hereinthismoment 🙂 I hope it wasn’t, I know I ask a lot of questions sometimes and that can seem pushy/offensive to some, though I don’t mean it to be.

beanii · 17/01/2024 11:12

Hereinthismoment · 15/01/2024 20:36

She hasn’t said he’s disrupting others Confused

And in any case, it really isn’t standard for parents to go in for disruptive kids!

But if they want her to go in 3 times a week I can pretty much guarantee he isn't sat there like an angel 🤦‍♀️🤣

Hereinthismoment · 17/01/2024 11:23

Oh, you’re there, are you?

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