School want me to come in 3 times a week?

[WhatanEmbarrasment]

Would you find this too much? I have a 9 year old who doesn’t like school he often refuses to go in and this can make us late as it’s difficult getting him up and ready meaning we are often late (it isn’t our closest school and I’ve looked into moving him but he doesn’t want to change schools) a member of staff approached me from his school a year ago to speak about his dislike of school and asked me if I could come in for a meeting I said yes, during the meeting we spoke and she asked if I could come in every Thursday and sit with him for an hour whilst he does his work. I agreed at the time as she said she thought it would help him want to come in but I didn’t realise how long it would go on for, it’s been a year. Initially I thought it would be a few weeks or something?! There’s been breaks where I haven’t been in for illness etc but this started a year ago. The other day I dropped him to school and I had an awful morning where everything was just on top of me so when she caught me I looked like I was about to cry (I wasn’t it was just the last thing I needed) so she asked me to come in the next day, I came in and she’s basically asking me to come in 3 times a week for different things, every week so as a regular thing.

I feel like 3 times a week is far too much, even 1 day a week felt quite full on as I don’t know anyone who has weekly meetings at their children’s school. It hasn’t helped or changed the situation at all. Sometimes I will try to avoid her and drop them and hope to quickly leave so I don’t see her but she has clearly told the office not to let my children in until she gets there as I will buzz but they won’t let me in until she arrives. Would you find 3 times a week too much? I don’t know how to get out of this

I can’t win either way as I asked about moving a child’s school against his wishes and was told that’s awful, trust me I’m on all the groups not fine in school etc but they don’t help they just tell me to home educate. I’m not doing that, I think moving his school could make it worse as he is year 5 that’s pretty late to move schools and would probably make it worse for his trying to settle in.

Thing is he doesnt like School,That wont change sadly. It is immensely stressful for both of you ATM .Maybe if he doesnt want to change School think of HE.he needs to be educated one way or another

He doesn’t have any Sen

The needs you describe indicate otherwise. You need to speak to the SENCO again and request an EHCNA.

The school should be doing so much more than just asking you to come in.

Call a meeting and say you can't do it anymore, it isn't helping and you'd like to know what further support they can offer/find.

As someone said, educational psychologist could be called, or speak to your GP.

Or look around at other schools.

How does your child know about home schooling? Can you explain why it wouldn't be an option? Is it an option you would be willing to consider?

It is too much and it's ok for you to say that.

Good luck!

The senco has said he doesn’t have Sen I’ve spoken to them.

The SENCO is not qualified to say whether your child does or does not have special needs. The fact he struggles to cope with school is a red flag for something being different to the majority. There are many things (not just ND) that can be a contributing factor, but even if he doesn’t have the words to explain why, I really think the reason needs exploring. It’s not unusual for a child to dislike school, but it is unusual for persistent school refusal etc to happen without any other issues at all.

IMO, the school has got you in because it doesn’t cost money. (May have started as a good plan for support but has gone on too long to be one now.) They should give him a support based on his need (fear of school).

You can’t ‘make him like school’, but if the reason for his difficulties around school could be found, you could decide on a best course of action more easily and assess whether the reason was something his school was able to support.

Err no! Get it in writing they are asking you to do this then apply for an EHC needs assessment with the local authority, there is clearly some anxiety going on here and they need to meet his needs, not rely on parents going in to do it for them!

But people can be wrong though, can't they? It's not beyond the realm of all possibility that the SENCO is wrong. I think your child deserves a second opinion. Don't just take one person's opinion as fact.

I hated school my self when i was a child.
My son was the same he just did not like it at all but it got worse when he was at high school.
I was asked to go in 3-4 times a week it was to much.
At one point i felt like i was there more times than i was at work.
He left at 14 Thats another story.
But it is to much for you i would say something.

Speak to IPSEA or SOS!SEN about making your own application for a EHCNA. The fact you are being asked to support in school is evidence of need.

They are wrong. DS clearly has SEMH needs.

The SENCO is not qualified to say whether your child does or does not have special needs.

This^^

SENCOs are teachers with a special interest in SEN. They aren't in a position to diagnose anything. I think the SENCO is overstepping here by being so definitive

What does your son say when you tell him here is no chance you will be home educating him? You've offered to move him to a different school but he doesn't want that.
He doesn't want you in school (quite rightly).

You are sure there are no SEN.

Your ds needs to understand that going to school is a legal requirement, it isn't optional, that he needs to work with his teacher to find a way to make it tolerable for both of them.

And then leave them to it. They know what they are doing. The school will do whatever is necessary.

Since DS has a sibling with autism, DS may well also be ND.

Youre the parent - he needs to know that you can see he hates it there, so yore going to try a different school now. Your decision.

His present school isn't working for him. He hates it. So change it to your nearest school (or the nearest one with places). Hopefully that will help you get him there on time. If he still hates it, you haven't lost anything, but maybe the staff at another school might be better at dealing with him. The present lot sound remarkably wet. As anyone who has seen reception teachers peeling reluctant kids off their parents would testify, most primary school teachers are made of sterner stuff and have strategies to deal with reluctant school attendees. My DC's teacher would try to engage him, but ultimately he'd be told that he has to attend and, if he doesn't want to participate, he can sit in the corner and not disrupt the others. His choice.

Lots of kids don't like doing certain things. I'd tell him this is life, it's happening, he has to go to school and that's the end of it unless he has a legitimate compliant about how he's being treated.

If he doesn't want you there why are you going? I am guessing his secondary school won't want you coming with him to school so at this point I would be clear that he doesn't want you there, you don't want to be there and you don't think it is appropriate preparation for secondary school.

Would it be an option to home school just through next year and then start afresh in secondary school?

You don't say if you work

I also think your son has SEN, and that the SENCO is not qualified to assess or diagnose him.

If he does have Sen and I go through the doctors would he get a diagnosis if the school say he doesn’t? They have been pretty adamant to me that he doesn’t even in our last meeting when filling out the forms it asked about Sen and she said no Sen.

My son is the same. He's now in high school. I fought from reception to year 2 telling school he had SEN and they fobbed me off.
Eventually had to pay for private Ed Psych to access the help he needed.

Schools aren't usually qualified enough to make the call re SEN.

You need a meeting with the senco and head of key stage or the headteacher and tell them that it is not your job to go into school to manage your son and ask what how they plan to resolve the situation.

I also second the EHCP on the basis that the school is not able to deal with him. You don't need the school/senco to apply, you do it yourself. The ehcp covers a range of needs - he doesn't need to have a particular 'special need' diagnosed. .

Or yiubcoukd try the other school. Sure he might not want to change but it's your job as a parent to make that decision

As the others have said the SENCO is not qualified to determine only medically qualified personnel are. There is a reason your child is having these difficulties and resources are only accessible by following the assessment pathway.

At the very least professionals can highlight interventions. Regarding school change, with all due respect he is nine he hasn't the capacity to navigate school, he therefore cannot have the capacity to navigate the choice of school - sorry it is blunt but it is true.

He may not want to move but he also doesn't want to attend school and the school's approach is dire. By engaging you to attend they are alienating him from his peers which may be the way another school may navigate to engage him.

A diagnosis isn’t required in order to be classed as having SEN. However, yes, it is possible to get a diagnosis is possible even if the school think everything is ‘fine’. (Even though in this case it is clear everything isn’t ‘fine’.)

I would do this if it was helping my child (I have 2 with SEN and I spent a lot of time in preschool with one of them) but what's the point if your son doesn't want it??