Partner wants to share bank account

[RP1176]

My partner has started saying he thinks we should put all of our salaries into one bank account which both can have access to spend from as they see fit. All bills etc would come out of this account. I earn about £1000 more than him per month and I get a small amount of maintenance from my ex which my partner also wants to go into this joint account. Currently I pay 70% all household bills and most meals out and activities etc. I feel it is unfair as he is bad with money and has several debts he incurred before we met for example his flash car, and for music equipment he bought on finance. I don’t think I should have to pay for his poor choices. Also I have a very demanding job and worked really hard to get to where I am in my career. He chose to go travelling instead of getting an education, again I don’t see why I have to give up my hard earned money because he decided not to get an education or pick a career. I don’t expect him to pay my way and I buy most things for our son and everything for my own son from a previous relationship. He says I am being unreasonable and selfish, what are other people’s perspectives on this?

Holidays etc we usually work out a fair split with me paying more as I earn more. Birthdays and Christmas I pay for and he buys some small gifts for me and the kids. He says it’s up to me to spend on Christmas and birthdays as he doesn’t agree with it. If he was the higher earner I would never expect free rein on his salary. I would expect him to pay a higher percentage of the bills which is exactly what I do now.

OP I just saw you mention his account is in an overdraft?????

No joint account and if he says why, tell him it's because you don't want him running up an overdraft in the account and be on the hook for his purchases. Did he really say spend as he sees fit? Are you sure it's not like a discussion only if it's over £100?

Don't hold back, tell him the truth because he needs to be aware of his financial irresponsibility. If he begins to deflect and get defensive it's a huge red flag. He has to realize he needs to learn financial management. Otherwise he'll never change

Why on earth are you with this cocklodging fool?

He thinks £500 is too much for absolutely everything? He's in his overdraft and thinks that's because you spend too much?

Tell him to move out, then he'll know what having no money feels like.

Oh FFS. So his TOTAL bills are £500 and he's still feeling hard done by because he doesn't have enough spending money? I bet he's also not doing loads of cooking/cleaning etc either?

You have a cocklodger here OP. Probably time to relook at this entire relationship.

Yes! You are frugal while he has a flash car etc. He only puts £500 a month into family bills, even on a low wage he should have enough spends left over. Be careful he’s not also going to try to get a share of your house (the house he doesn’t want to pay bills on because it’s not his) 🚩🚩🚩

Absolutely not a chance.

He is already a cocklodger if you are paying so many bills and leisure expenses. Why are you settling for this man? You are virtually paying him to stay with you and now he is trying to get his mitts on the rest of your money.

I would run for the hills. Why would you put up with this arrangement??

He doesn’t do any cooking and cleaning right now as I am on maternity leave (on full pay so that is not relevant for the money situation) so since he is working and I am off I do everything in the house

So he doesn’t pay for anything he doesn’t want to- birthdays, Christmas, running the house- and wants the same left over money as you?

He appears to be saying out loud that he wants to spend your earnings as well as his own, because you share a child and a bed.

Ask him what he sees as a fair contribution to raising your son and housing himself.

Does he bring value in other ways? Childcare? Housework?

Honestly this has to be a joke?

You are doing EVERYTHING!
And he is living off your salary and taking you for a total ride.

Does he do anything when not at work?

OP, you absolutely know where this is going. He is using and abusing you. You know it.

Please be strong for your children. Your money is for you and for them. Get this guy out of your house.

Been married 20 years and still keep everything separate here but in the most loving committed relationship you could imagine.

I'm bad with money though! At least I can admit that.
Don't do it.

Imagine the genders being reversed…

As soon as we married, we had joint accounts and full access to each others money. We trusted each other and neither of us ever abused the privilege. But these days it seems that people can't/don't trust each other, and from threads on here, I can fully see why! Sad reflection upon people today I suppose.
Having said that, it's a firm no from me to a joint account with this chancer.

After the £500 he would have about £1200 left. But as I said most of it goes on his direct debits and debt payments. He says he should be paying less for bills anyway because he doesn’t use much gas or electric for example because he showers while me and the kids have a bath every day

I would say the same! Makes no difference. One person is doing EVERYTHING and the other is TAKING everything.

Nope. Spending as he sees fit ends up with nowt in the account for the bills, never mind anything else.

I suggest a different arrangement.

Have the same amount of free spending money each.
Put all excess into own savings accounts.

Then reassess when he’s been reassured he has the same spends as you.

Honestly, point out that you have really different attitudes to money and savings and will have lots of arguments if you only have one account. He has said himself he thinks you’re greedy and whatever so he can clearly see it’s not an area you agree!

He is going to burn through every penny you have.

If he doesn’t agree with Christmas and birthdays then stop buying for him for those, and tell him not to bother buying for you. See if he’s happy with that (doubt it if his gifts stop).

He doesn’t sound great to be honest, but if you stay with him then I’d def not combine finances.

Jeez, he is sponging off you. What are his good points.

Really? The shower comment alone makes me realise he's a chancer!

Cocklodger alert!

he is bad with money

This is the only reason he wants a joint account.

I'm stunned that he calls you greedy for spending your own money on a fairly frugal lifestyle whilst cooking and cleaning for him.

Get rid! He sounds awful!

How exactly are you benefiting from this relationship?

He sounds like a total freeloader

Here’s another man who must have a chocolate knob as there can’t be any other reason you’d still be with him.