Partner wants to share bank account

[RP1176]

My partner has started saying he thinks we should put all of our salaries into one bank account which both can have access to spend from as they see fit. All bills etc would come out of this account. I earn about £1000 more than him per month and I get a small amount of maintenance from my ex which my partner also wants to go into this joint account. Currently I pay 70% all household bills and most meals out and activities etc. I feel it is unfair as he is bad with money and has several debts he incurred before we met for example his flash car, and for music equipment he bought on finance. I don’t think I should have to pay for his poor choices. Also I have a very demanding job and worked really hard to get to where I am in my career. He chose to go travelling instead of getting an education, again I don’t see why I have to give up my hard earned money because he decided not to get an education or pick a career. I don’t expect him to pay my way and I buy most things for our son and everything for my own son from a previous relationship. He says I am being unreasonable and selfish, what are other people’s perspectives on this?

No do not do this
Open a separate joint account and arrange Direct debits to go in on pay day to cover them
You are not married and have different approaches to money

If you still want to stay with this cocklodging, gaslighting, nitpicking excuse for a man and father, then you need to guard your assets very carefully, because he has shown his true intentions.
On top of his very poor and obviously grasping attitude, he actually had the temerity to demand access to your child's maintenance money!
Doesn't that tell you anything?
Yes, they DO escalate things when you are “trapped” by pregnancy, children or marriage.
You have been warned and advised well by a group of wise and experienced women (I'm not counting the odd few who, inexplicably, are advising you against your best interests)
I do hope that you look after yourself and your children and don't get fooled.

If that's the last he's speaking of it, then at least you won't need to talk about the idea of a joint account anymore, I guess!

Never truer a word said.
Op he is truly unbelievable.

These are his own words!

'If I'm not paying enough' (you have just shown him - and yourself - and us that by any standards he is not paying enough)

'I'm not your man' He said it. Right at last perhaps.

Never share finances with a partner who quibbles over who had a shower and who had a bath!

(20 years, married, we don't have any joint accounts and manage our finances just fine)

His attitude is disgusting. You are talking about organising the house hold expenses for your two children!

He's made it very clear. The pitiful £500 into expenses for the household he benefits from living in, whilst he drives his lovely new car, is entirely HIS money that he generously donates.

The much larger amount that YOU pay into household expenses to maintain him and the two children is OWED by you.

He conveniently forgets the other family expenses and outings that he expects you to pay for out of the £200 a month you have left over. Especially as he's decided he doesn't believe in birthdays and Christmas.

The £200 which you have left over should be going into savings for you, your two children and perhaps paying into a pension.

He's very generous to himself whilst begrudging you and the children bath water!!

Added to which he won't even deign to discuss this with you. His word is law. And in this case both he and the Law are an ASS.

He is selfish to his very bones and it won't get any better than this OP.

I'm sure he DOES want to marry you. How else will he get his hands on your house too?
He's financially abusive. He's gaslighting. Trying to control you.
Do yourself and your kids a favour and get rid of him ASAP. Do not share money with him. Do not pay off his debt for him.
He's a waste of space who is just wanting to get his hands on your money. It's all he cares about. He only wants your baby to get more money off you. He literally told you so.

Chuck him out...

Just looking at the figures... he's earning a take home of £1700 a month? That's around £29,000 pa with. 10% pension. With that he'd be liable for around £275 a month maintenance for the baby as clearly a breastfed baby with mum still on maternity leave won't be staying away overnight. So you'll be £225 a month down - which will likely be offset by his food etc costs and a reduction in. Council tax. He however will need to find somewhere else to live - all bills and food included for that £225!!! He knows he has it good and is taking you for a ride. He is not going to give that up easily.

In the meantime stop buying food only he eats, stop paying for him to eat out, go on trips etc. You can't afford it. If he wants these things he can pay. But yeah just get rid! (Your child will thank you as they will be feeling the tension and of course going without as you are subsidising a grown adult!)