Partner wants to share bank account

[RP1176]

My partner has started saying he thinks we should put all of our salaries into one bank account which both can have access to spend from as they see fit. All bills etc would come out of this account. I earn about £1000 more than him per month and I get a small amount of maintenance from my ex which my partner also wants to go into this joint account. Currently I pay 70% all household bills and most meals out and activities etc. I feel it is unfair as he is bad with money and has several debts he incurred before we met for example his flash car, and for music equipment he bought on finance. I don’t think I should have to pay for his poor choices. Also I have a very demanding job and worked really hard to get to where I am in my career. He chose to go travelling instead of getting an education, again I don’t see why I have to give up my hard earned money because he decided not to get an education or pick a career. I don’t expect him to pay my way and I buy most things for our son and everything for my own son from a previous relationship. He says I am being unreasonable and selfish, what are other people’s perspectives on this?

You missed the part where he wants a bedroom to himself now!

Sorry didn't read every update. If he is a waste of space then break up obviously!

Not if one person is pissing money up the wall on themselves while the other is providing for the family. They both work. His huge debt for his new car and flat holidays isn't her responsibility. I'm sure he didn't ask her before he purchased the car. Big spends out of family money get discussed.

Whoah! I've only read your posts OP, and wow did this one stand out!

He doesn't want his son for 5 days because he loves him and would miss him. He wants his son for 5 days because then he would come with money attached. Way to go for showing who you really are!

Don't get me wrong, the rest of your posts painted a picture of a man who feels entitled to all your worldly goods, simply because you've got more than him. It's clearly not about 'sharing' to him, it's about spending, spending, spending all the lovely money.

"He wants to get married"
I'm normally very pro-marriage, for the protection it offers women once they start having children - but not in your case. Marriage offers you no protection (you sound very financially sorted), and it offers him access to your money, your house - which he will fritter away.

"And he disagrees he is bad with money."
Which is presumably why he's in so much debt. He is bad with money, whether he accepts it or not. And now he's trying to bully you into giving him yours. No, no, no. Just because someone at work made him feel little for not having full access to your money, is no reason to acquiesce. (By the way, I don't actually believe his story. I think he's just decided the time is ripe to start pushing you around.)

"He disagrees that we have a different approach to money though."
See above! It's obvious you have a different approach to money. Basically, this manchild would say he didn't eat the chocolate even if it was smeared all around his mouth.

Bottom line:

• Don't have joint account with this man, he'll empty it
• Don't marry him, he'll have your house off you
• Reconsider if you want to continue your relationship with a man who, feeling he has you trapped by a shared offspring, is ready to put all those demands upon you that he kept under wraps until now

He thinks you're vulnerable because you've just had a baby. You may be sleep-deprived, but you sound to me as if you've got your wits about you. He's clearly as bad with manipulating people as he is with money. I'd be giving him his marching orders.

FGS Don't marry him!!

Have me!

Lol. Seriously she needs to kick him out on his arse otherwise she is in for financial and emotional disaster just around the corner and I don't like saying but she will probably deserve it if she doesn't see him for what he is.

@Infusedwithchamomileandmint

Underneath what I had originally written I'd said that in OP's circumstances I would absolutely not be doing this though.

Ffs op, what are you thinking even indulging these absurd conversations with this fucking scrounging little tosser.

He’s already financially abusing you and emotionally abusing you. Kick the cunt out.

There is another thread on here where a woman who earns less than her partner is being told all money is family money and she should insist on a joint account! In this case I’d say the maintenance money is a bit different though.
DH and I have had joint finances since we bought our house. For some years I was the sole earner, then he was the sole earner and now he earns many multiples of my earnings but we have always had equal access to money (with discussion for big purchases).

I wouldn’t share my life with someone I didn’t share finances with.

Is the woman on that thread a financial abuser, with serious debt and a line in manipulation who wants her DH to give her CM which is for his child?
No I doubt it

I really really wish ppl would read ALL of OP's posts before commenting. would prevent a lot of terrible advice giving

Gosh I hope this thread is made up. In case it's not OP, what would you tell a friend in this situation?

• man spends money like water and thinks that a partner who is not married to should fund more of that.
• adult who is not related to a child is sleeping in the same room as them. Surely the boy's actual father has objected to this?
• man who has done virtually no care for a baby says he will waltz off with the child for 5 days a week and everyone will just let him. Seems to think courts etc don't exist.

No, you don't join finances with him. Plenty of relationships don't share finances.

It is not a coincidence that he has changed now you have the baby, this is textbook when abuse starts. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a string of "crazy" previous girlfriends that never recovered the money he owed. He will probably m9ve on to a new one to sponge off if yiu don't play his game, perhaps finding his job all too much in yhe process.

OP, whatever you decide please download the Credit Karma app or something similar, this will show any changes to your credit rating should he be taking out loans in your name.

Sounds as if your son needs the room to himself...
(His mother is paying for it after all.)

Of course he wants a joint bank account

What's this chap got going for him? He sounds awful.

He isn’t exactly subtle is he? Wake up OP! Every time he opens his mouth he’s telling you he wants to spend your money on himself. For goodness sake don’t get financially entangled with him. Keep your money for yourself and show him the door.

He wouldn't get the baby 5:2. For one thing you are currently breastfeeding. I also can't see a court thinking that would be in the baby's best interests when he does so little in terms of practical care at the moment e.g. cooking/cleaning/bathtimes etc. When the baby is older I also doubt very much he'd want the reality of looking after a lively toddler 5 days a week.

Every time you post he sounds worse and worse

Please wake up OP

We actually do do this, everything through one account including the maintenance DH ex pays for DSS who lives with us. I am the higher earner by about the same amount as you, but I wasn't when we set up the account.
I'd say truthfully I was probably the more irresponsible financially when we set it up (before we got married, once we bought the house together) and I wonder if DH had the same reservations as you as when he earned a lot more than I did, and got some very good bonuses. He never mentioned it if he did.
roll on five years, we are married and have a DD and It is genuinely just everyone's money, neither of us care who earned it. If either of us want something we buy it (provided we can afford it). We discuss the big purchases and put money away for savings and I do tend to take control of making sure everything is covered etc but he has access to everything I do.
It's what works for us, but I don't think there's anything wrong saying something doesn't work for you and you want to do it differently.

Keep your own bank accounts in your own names but open a joint account and pay into joint account in proportion to earnings.

I've always had a joint account with DH. Nothing is 'mine' or 'his', it's just household money that we all have access to.

Pack his bags, kick him out, change the locks, you will then have had a lucky escape, posters on here have given you sound advice, what are you waiting for?

He doesn't sound great OP - I don't think this is about the joint account but more about the man. What are his redeeming qualities?

There is your answer. He just wants your money. He's getting a bargain but is still greedy to get more of your money. I'd bin him off and let him see how much it cost for him to pay for accommodation would be more than £500 just for a room in a shared house.