Husbands ex wife is a control freak

[HHN]

So my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship when he split with his ex wife she stopped him from seeing his daughter. He took her to court and set up a contact agreement she broke this after about 6 weeks. This was 5 year ago absolutely cut all contact with my husband and he’s never seen his daughter since. Two weeks ago he received a text from her asking if they could meet up and have a chat! He’s reluctant as she’s a liar she tried to make out he was on drugs and abusive at court. He done everything to prove her wrong including drug tests. She just done and said all this to purely hurt him. She doesn’t stick to agreements and just loves to cause trouble. Despite this I’ve tried to persuade him to reply to the text but he’s just out right refusing he thinks she’s just trying to cause trouble as she used to. But I can’t help but think maybe his daughter has asked about him and wants to get to know him even though I’ve told him this is still doesn’t want to reply to the text. Should I just leave it now or try again to persuade him? I don’t want to get too involved but also don’t want him to regret not replying.

@ChihuahuaMummy Yes. On and off for many years.

@IdealisticCynic What is easy for one person, is a mountain to climb for another. Yes my DH is a good dad and he would do anything for his son but it has definitely come with a cost, even to my own mental health but we did it together. It's not easy though when the system thinks the abusive ex is an angel and the actual decent parent is painted as a monster. All I'm saying is I can understand why some people can't cope with that. Not everyone is that resilient.

Well let’s hope you never have to find your self in this situation

So you will know it affects people differently and that you can get to a point where you don't care about anything.

A law degree my ass. You dont know what abuse or cyber stalking is. But feel absolutely free not to reply. Your opinion is worthless.

Come on, you are not a lawyer.

@C0untDucku1a being a lawyer and having a law degree are 2 very different things. What's your legal background?

I have no idea what you're talking about but I was asking other people to calm it with trawling through old threads just to harass and be nasty to the OP.

I have a law degree too. And indeed am a solicitor (of 15 years’ call) who regularly acts for victims of abuse, (which is also how I know about the issues regarding contact and what it takes to fight poor professional opinions in contact matters.)

You are wrong on cyberstalking, @ChihuahuaMummy. @C0untDucku1a is right - even if she only Googled it. You might want to brush up on your law if you’re planning to try to qualify…

That is not the complete definition and there are many areas that can come under that definition. 😂. so having told people to google the definition of cyber stalking and having been proven to not know what you’re talking about, you’ve decided it’s time to move on, even though you were the one who accused people of cyber stalking for reading completely public threads on an open forum.

It doesn’t take someone with a legal degree to know that you absolutely do not have one.

@ChihuahuaMummy I would normally move on as you suggest, but I am afraid I feel I have to respond because as a matter of principle I think it is important to correct those who claim to be qualified solicitors/barristers (which presumably you are since you say you are qualified, as opposed to simply being a law graduate) incorrect legal information.

Reading someone’s previous posts and quoting them, particularly within the same forum, is absolutely not cyber stalking, nor even close to being akin to it. This is not a matter of interpretation, it is simply the law. Go back to the Act and read it again. Then check in Blackstones for how it is applied if you need to. What you are saying is wrong and you should not be posting incorrect law on a forum in which people may rely on what you say because you claim to be qualified. That is poor professional conduct.

Think you need to just move on it’s got nothing to do with the op. Maybe find a law thread

I have PMd you about the issue. I don't think it's the place on a public forum.

@HHN Thanks, I'm trying to get the topic back to the OP.

And for the people taking issue with references to the OP’s previous threads, The context of those threads is absolutely relevant.

This is a thread about someone whose husband hasn’t bothered to see their child in five years, so much so that now that the ex wife has got back in touch he’s not going to bother to respond, so it’s very clear that he doesn’t want to see his child.

Even if the court battle had been so horrific, having an opportunity to see your child is something that any decent father would grab, not least because she is now old enough to forge an independent relationship with.

And where the previous thread comes in is where the OP herself has said that her husband is a deadbeat who has as little as possible to do with his children with her to the extent that he’s never taken them to the park even or looked after them for even an hour so the OP can get a break.

So we know what kind of father he is, and isn’t, which then forms the basis of the reality that he isn’t bothered about his previous child, after all, he isn’t bothered about these ones either.

bore off unless your going to answer the original question

Completely agree. Context is vital here.

@HHN I’ve said this earlier but will say it again. Kindly, OP, I’m afraid what your DH says does not add up. You may not like what people are saying or how some of them are saying it, but I hope you take in some of the valid concerns raised. I think there is at least a reasonable chance you will find yourself in the ex’s position at some point. I have seen this happen countless times and it’s still heartbreaking every single time.