Summer born deferred. Now refusing to stay at school.

[Aspiringhermit]

I am posting on behalf of a friend. Her son was born in August so she and her husband decided to defer him starting school. They were able to do this because his due date had been in September and their LEA was understanding. The son attends a private school who were willing to take him out of normal school cohort. All going pretty well until now. The son is now 17,in Year 12 doing first year of A levels and absolutely hates it. He's determined to leave school as soon as possible. He's accepted that his parents have paid fees for the coming term so has very reluctantly agreed to go back next week, but want them to write to school to say he is definitely leaving at the end of this academic year. He says that as he will be 18 before the start of the next academic year, the school and his parents can't force him to go back. Unofficial discussion with his form tutor has revealed that the school would not legally be able to consider his parents wishes. He will be an adult and cannot be forced to continue to year 13. Can anyone advise what they can do to win the son round. One reads so many threads of parents deferring summer borns, but not sure how many have had to deal with this end of the school experience.

If this boy exists, as described, the poor lad just wants to meet girls.
It's a hormone thing.😂

@Aspiringhermit How do you 'know this friend' well enough to know all about this issue, but it's only tonight that you have 'shown her the thread' and been told it's not a 'real' trust fund after all.

Your thread is based on the idea that he was leaving school early to spend money travelling. That may still be the case of course.

I wonder how your friend feels about having her family life discussed in public, and how she's reacted to you trying to help?

With the sports team thing if he had been allowed to go to a state 6th form he could have decided what sport he was really into and joined a local team.

Know plenty of people including friends' kids who did that in a wide range of sports.

There are still some problems if you are 19 though but it depends on sport and local area.

My son has two friends both born 31st August . One was at primary and the other at secondary. Both boys were not deferred and both passed 11+ and have both done really well academically. I am an August baby and it never bothered me being the youngest at school.

Yeah but you'll are special.

None of you read the memo on the fact you are supposed to be immature, socially inept, intellectually challenged and crap at sport according to the MN doctrine on kids that are born in August. 🙄

Deferred entry is really not the issue. His parents need to start listening to him and treating him like a young adult he is becoming, not a child. He had sensible and valid reasons to do year 12 elsewhere and they wouldn't listen. Not letting him do year 12 at a college is the big mistake, not delayed entry.

At 18 I was in university and had been making my own choices and planing for my own future for at least 18 months. I wouldn't have stood for doing A levels at a school that didn't have the subjects I wanted and being treated like a child. They're still not listening to him and they are still trying to force their plan on him. What do they think gives them the right to decide his path and future for him? This thread was started about how they can make him do what they want, their still not considering his wants and needs.
They need to drop the plan before it pushes him completely away and have a real discussion about what HE wants for his future and what he needs to do to get that.

The latest updates have made this stranger and stranger! Why did you show the parent the thread?

Exactly

His birthday/starting school age is not relevant.

Any 'child' at school who turns 18 before taking their A levels can decide to leave without parental consent. So a child who's 18 on 1st Sept can decide not to go back to school, in theory. The compounding issue here is his parents are paying fees (usually these are a term or half a term in advance.)

I find the motive behind your thread @Aspiringhermit hard to grasp.

You say it's a friend but you didn't know about the actual facts about the trust fund (and just happened to find out the truth in the middle of posting this- so you were in conversation with this friend at the same time, last night?)

Then you say you showed the comments to your friend.

Lots of comments are very critical of his parents, so why would you do that?

How do you think your 'friend' feels about having their son and their parenting discussed where anyone in the world can read it?

And what good could you do by writing all of this?
If his parents aren't listening to him, why would they listen to opinions here?

What did you hope to achieve?

If any of this is close to the truth, and he really does want to join the forces, his career teachers at school need to talk to him because if he wants to be commissioned, he'd need A levels and often a degree.

I perhaps wasn't clear in OP. Son has attended private school throughout, the school was flexible and allowed him to be out of school year.

Private schools- or any school- will accept pupils at any time, legally, and if they have places.

No one has to start school at 'rising 5'. You can withhold your child as long as you want to, as long as they are receiving an education (home ed.) The law is your child must receive an education, not must go to school.

I have friends who home educated their two sons till they were 6 and only started school after that.

I just accepted that the rule was 'school year runs 1 Sept to 31 Aug'. This lad knows that he could have been in the year above but his parents decided not to let him.

He couldn't have been in the year above, because he was born in August.

You said starting school was deferred- held back a year- because he was born in August.

I am posting on behalf of a friend. Her son was born in August so she and her husband decided to defer him starting school. They were able to do this because his due date had been in September and their LEA was understanding.

The LEA would not be saying that. August born children start when they are the right age . The fact his 'due date' was Sept is totally meaningless.

And if he's always been at a private school, the LEA wouldn't be involved.

Has your friend told you this and you're repeating it? If they have, they are not being honest IMO.

Think you’re misunderstanding this one - his original entry point would have been a few days after he turned 4, but OP is saying that his parents had him start the next year, just after he turned 5. So instead of being the youngest in his year, he was the oldest by a few days.

Think you’re misunderstanding this one - his original entry point would have been a few days after he turned 4,

No I'm not.

The time children start school is 'rising five' - the term closest to when they are 5. (Close friend is a parent of a very late August birthday girl.)

He should have started or could have in the summer term before his August birthday.

Children have always had staggered starts at school. Not just Sept entries.

Children in England are entitled to start school the September after their 4th birthday. Not the term they are 5.

I didn't say that. I said they could start in the term before they were 5 (ie after Easter). Parents do have a choice.

And in that case, his parents elected for him to start school after he turned five i.e a year late. Not the term on which he turned five. So he should be inYr13 but is in Yr12.

https://www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

School starting age
Most children start reception full-time in September after their fourth birthday.

For example, if your child turns 4 in June, they’ll usually start school in September that same year.

If you want your child to start later If you do not think your child is ready to start school in September, they can start later.

For example, if your child only turns 4 in August, you might decide to wait before sending them to school. But they must be in full-time education by the time they reach ‘compulsory school age’.

They can start:

• part time
• part-way through the year
• in the next school year, in the September after they turn 5

Maybe that's just how your son is? I'm a summer born baby and I never struggled at school. There were lots of summer and spring babies in the highest set and autumn born babies in the lower sets. It just depends on the individual and their abilities. It's the same as emotional maturity. There are plenty of mature summer born people and plenty of immature autumn born people.

You’re getting the wrong end of the stick.

Based on his age/birth date he should be in the year above the one he is in. He was held back just as @PuttingDownRoots says.

This is a really out of date. The vast majority of children start school in September.

@LittleBearPad It's on the Gov UK website, (copied and pasted) so are you saying that is out of date?

Okay, so if he was 4 in August, he could have started school in Sept but his parents chose to hold him back for a year. So he's actually one of the older ones in hi year group. (But the bit about the LEA etc is a bit of red herring because as long as he was in school by 5, that's fine. And he wasn't going to a state school anyway. The law is 'receive an education' - not be in school- which allows for home ed.)

Disregarding all of that (!) I don't see the point of asking for advice or opinions other than the obvious ones (let the lad make his own choices etc or get career advice about the military) because if this 'friend' (the OP) hasn't been able to make any impression with her own views, how would showing her friend the thread help?

It would surely annoy the hell out of her and end their friendship?

No, I’m saying in reality it doesn’t happen anymore. It’s what happened when I was a child.

In theory children can start throughout the year but in reality they don’t. They all start in September, particularly for over subscribed schools who won’t hold a place for a child planning to join in only the summer term.

Schools need the funding throughout the year and parents, most of whom are working, are keen to reduce childcare costs that school days permit. Additionally there are few other setting options for children to attend once they are school age.

No, I’m saying in reality it doesn’t happen anymore. It’s what happened when I was a child.

How old are you now? (Presumably the same age as my own children because it was the norm then!)