If your kids sit at the table and eat …

[Justwontdoit]

Tell me how you enforced that. I’ve gone horribly wrong with no1 but hoping to put it right for no2.

Tbh I am pretty resigned to things being like this for the foreseeable and I’m hoping once dc2 starts weaning ‘properly’ we can sit at the table a bit more successfully! I suppose the main thing is he will sit when out and will sit at nursery.

@Justwontdoit - same. Ds sits at nursery fine for snack, and generally ok out and about at restaurants. So at home we continue eating every meal at table, and he starts then leaves table when ready

You might be able to use DC2 to your advantage, especially if the peer pressure at nursery seems to work. Feed them together, ignore DC1 completely when he runs off and give the baby lots of gushing praise for being so good and eating so nicely… You’ve got nothing to lose by trying anyway!!

Lots of children go through this phase. Be patient and consistent and decide what your boundaries are going to be. Personally, I don't think I'd go as far as thing them to a chair.... but if they don't eat at the table then you can just calmly tidy away. Offer them a snack at the table 2 hours later to avoid hungry meltdowns if you need to - two of mine have gone through phases of eating far too little at mealtimes because they just wanted to do something else and then gettting themselves into a terrible state 3 hours later... as long as the snack is also offered while sitting at the table it's still part of training them.

Some children are better eaters than others. In my experience, they are much easier to get to be polite at the table because they are motivated byfood. It will take longer and therefore require more lersistence/thought on your part for a child that isn't so food-oriented, but you'll get there.

Seconding all those that say always sit with your child if possible, as a whole family whenever you can. Many children are better at staying at the table at nursery and I'm sure that's because everyone else is doing it. I appreciateit's not always easy - my middle two still have a midday nap so don't eat lunch at the same time as the rest of the family. But I try to sit and have a cuppa with them whenever possible.

Problem is - if you wait until dc2 is weaning you'll end up following them both around feeding them! You'd be wise to sort this whilst only one child is mobile

I wouldn't be chasing him round with food. that is reinforcing the behaviour with one-to-one attention.

Encourage him to stay at the table and eat- if he leaves- then let him go if you must - let him be a bit hungry and try again later with "supper" (toast and butter or whatever) at a later point . But keep reinforcing that food is ALWAYS at the table.

so just offer him some supper later (at the table!)

well, yes.
That is life with small children. Whoever is caring for them sits at the table with them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So if I am at work, then Dad or whoever was with them sat at the table.

As they get older then I was making lunches while they ate breakfast.
I rarely eat breakfast, so I was sitting with a cup of tea.
We ate together as a family in the evening, dinner was 6 pm. If I had not been able to eat as a family in the evening, I would still have sat with them at the table.

We have always just had food at table, even snacks. Drinks at table, so they drank out of actual cups from age 2, not sports bottles/sippy cups. (they had those, but only for when out and about), at home a drink was in a cup at the table.

OP - so if he doesn't eat at the table, where is he eating?
Are you chasing him round with a spoon?
Or is he taking his food in his hand and wandering roudn while he eats?
Or is he taking it into another room and watching TV while he eats?

I am just trying to understand how you are getting him to eat now, as you said that you prioritise him eating

We had a similar issue with one of the kids we fostered - we found that if his feet actually touched something he was far happier to sit nicely at the table for longer. Too old for a high chair, but too small for their feet to touch the floor, so we used a small step stool in front of his dining chair which worked really well for us

You are going to struggle to get your youngest into great habits if you are chasing your eldest round with his dinner.

If they are not going to watch TV but playing with toys then for me the easiest approach would be 'we are going to put the toys away because it is dinner time now' put them all away. Set an alarm or similar on the Alexa for 30mins (or whatever works for you) when that goes off it is the end of dinner time and they can go play with their toys.

You could have an audio book in the background or music while dinner was on which would give an audio queue that this time is table and dinner time.

I get that you need them to eat a decent amount of food, they need to equate food with stopping and eating not something that happens whilst they are playing.

I think lots of posters have forgotten what 3 year olds are like, lots of perfect parents posting here.

when dc1 was little we had so many mealtime battles!!

dc2 was a feral Covid toddler.

they’re now older and both sit to eat without screens or bribes BUT both were used when they were 3. Lower your expectations, as you say eating a good dinner is more important. Repeating the process of eating at the table will pay off in the end.

I find that playing their favourite songs subject to sitting and eating works quite well in this house. The marble jar also worked for a short time, even if it was per mouthful initially! Just to get into the habit.

good luck & hang in there!

@Skykidsspy I currently own a three year old goblin so I've definitely not forgotten 😂 We just don't treat food as a battle. The food is at the table, we ask him to sit at the table to eat. If he wants to he'll sit on his booster seat and chat to us and eat. Sometimes he doesn't want to so asks to get down and goes to sit with his train set across the room. It's totally up to him BUT he knows food doesn't happen on the floor so if he wants to eat then it has to be at the table. He isn't offered anything else bar his dinner at the table and there are no screens or attention from us until we've finished our meals.

We're not perfect and neither is he. I just can't cope with the fights about it so we don't make it a fight.

Eat as a family as soon as they are capable of sitting in a high chair, ideally with them eating and he same food (adapted as required) if it needs to be late so be it (give them a substantial snack earlier) we ate at 6.30pm daily, always bar exceptional circumstances

And no tv, no toys, no devices (did exist thankfully when mine were tiny) we talked, in restaurants (where there's waiting) you could take colouring, puzzles and yes talk.

@Skykidsspy

No forgetting here, it was simply non negotiable. High chair with 5 point harness from 6 months, booster seat with harness from 2.5 (passing down the high chair.)

My dc has asked me if I would do child care because she doesn't trust her mil (who is willing) not standard childcare for outing reasons

I think I’m actually ok with it. It would be different if he never sat ‘nicely’ but he does. Had friends over today with same aged children and they didn’t sit for any longer than DS, but I continued helping DS with his after he got down whereas theirs both had snacks before they left, so in all honesty I think ‘our’ way is preferable.

We all eat together at 5pm - so its not too late for them.
No screens or TV, and talk about the day etc.
We also give them the option of sitting at the table nicely or sitting on the step on their own.
So there isn't anywhere more interesting to be than sat at the table with us.
It doesn't matter how much they eat when sat at the table so long as they are there sitting nicely. The length of time we expect them to sit varies by age. But generally they have to sit until adults finish eating - we wouldn't make them all sit through a toddler poking around at their plate for 20mins, even I get bored with that lol.
Xx

Just served it at the table from the start and ate with them.