If your kids sit at the table and eat …

[Justwontdoit]

Tell me how you enforced that. I’ve gone horribly wrong with no1 but hoping to put it right for no2.

You can only prioritise one thing. If you want to prioritise eating the maximum, you can’t prioritise sitting at the table.

Do you give a lot of snacks? My 2YO will try it on when he isn’t hungry but if it’s a food he liked and he’s properly hungry then we genuinely don’t ever have issues. And when they’re done they’re done. No chasing, no pleading, no eating elsewhere. Otherwise they’re not learning to self regulate and that’s so important to developing a healthy relationship with food. If you’re worried about hunger before bed offer a snack like cereal, toast or a banana.

@NotToYou he would absolutely love that; he’d find it the most hilarious game. Most frustrating.

Thanks for the replies, it’s interesting reading

With mine I was totally relaxed. We ate at dining table with no exceptions until she was about 4 and then if she asked to eat at kids table with her friend or with TV I was fine with it. She's 6 now and never wants to eat anywhere but dining table and likes to chat whilst we eat. I've got a bit of a no drama rule unless health and safety at risk. I'm trying to avoid a conflict filled home (like the one in grew up in) or a battle of wills - especially where food is concerned.

However, I do get that that approach might not work for others.

Childminder sits all children at the table for supper. We eat together at the table at the weekend. Unless someone is being ridiculously slow we all stay sitting until everyone has finished. And ask to get down. Meals on the sofa with the TV are seen as a treat. But that doesn’t mean we’ve managed perfection elsewhere…I figure you win some, others are more of a battle.

@lunaticfringer thanks, I have to admit I hated family meals as a kid!

I think you sometimes have to prioritise. If getting them to eat enough is the higher priority then so be it. I find my DH is more anxious about them eating than me - particularly by 3, I think it's really OK if they don't eat that much for a couple of days, they won't starve, and yes it probably does lead to disruption with sleep/behaviour but sometimes you have to go with that kind of thing temporarily if you're working on a specific goal (a bit like how potty training is annoying/disruptive).

If you have very restricted eating to deal with then that will always be priority and will have to be. And if you have a child where everything is a delicate balancing act, because any stress/difference in area A knocks areas B and C off balance and those in turn cause havoc with areas D and E and F and G, and everything has this ripple effect which just makes everything impossible, then it's worth being aware that it's not really like that for most parents, and IME you'll drive yourself absolutely nuts looking at standard parenting advice because the majority of children can cope generally fine with something like staying up late or a change in their food intake. It might have a knock on effect to one other area, but it will be fairly temporary and manageable. If making changes results in a ripple effect that makes everything hard, you are probably not living the standard parenting experience and you shouldn't beat yourself up for not meeting every milestone.

I think DS is a bit of an outlier as he doesn’t seem to recognise hunger particularly. He never asks for food. He actually asked me for a drink today and I nearly fainted in shock. He actually eats well most of the time but not without support if you like. I have visions of feeding him at 15 at this rate

He might just get better with time

My Ds is also three. He’s a nightmare with eating sometimes. We have always eaten every meal at table and dh works from home so we both eat three meals a day at table with him. Didn’t stop him also climbing out of highchair young, and now just wandering off. Like you ours isn’t
motivate by food so isn’t at all bothered if no more food as only at table.

Hes now 3 1/2, and I have to say he’s been better the last 2-3 months at sitting at table control when he just turned 3. ( still doesn’t eat half of it though).

Thanks @Caspianberg . I have heard from friends 3 and a half is a big turning point - hope so!

@Justwontdoit - mine also isn’t bothered by food. If he doesn’t fancy it, he would rather just starve

Does he have snacks? Because to state the bleeding obvious that won’t be helping.

OP I just wanted to say you aren't alone. Just saying the table is where the food is doesn't work if you have a child who isn't motivated by food.

My DD has had to do all the same things as you, down to chasing her little one around with a plate and shovelling in mouthfuls when they are distracted.

She also prioritised a nourished child over insisting on perfect table manners. Even to the raised eyebrows of others around her.

I will say it has slowly gotten better and now her school ages children will sit at the table as long as any other child.

It's not anything you've done or not done, it's just who your DS is.

Hang in there, make sure he is fed, and it will gradually get better as he gets older.

Big hug to you, you are doing a great job, promise.

My DS went through this at age 3. I’ve found 3 to be the most difficult age by far!

Some things that worked for us:

• Absolute consistency about only eating at the table. We never compromised, even when pizza in front of the tv sounded fun.
• Absolute consistency about eating all meals at the table together.
• When he was hungry 30 mins later because he didn’t eat enough, his dinner was reheated and he sat and ate it most of the time. We used to have dinner early (5:30pm) in anticipation that he’d need to eat again before bed.
• We always bribed him with a small chocolate (5 smarties, a mini Easter egg etc.) if he finished a decent amount of his meal. We never made him clear the plate, but would often say ‘3 more bites’ before fruit and the chocolate were served
• Serving in courses, always starting with a cup of puréed soup when he was at his hungriest. Many nights he only drank the soup. Typical dinner would be: soup, main, fruit, yoghurt, chocolate (if he ate enough). This kept things interesting for him.
• My friend had a similar issue with her DS, and bought a ‘board game’ style plate with a small portion on each square. You roll a dice and they have to eat a certain square. This kind of game made it really fun for her DS.

He’s now 6 and eats perfectly. My 18-month old DD is starting to be an issue when it comes to eating, so I’m gearing up for another few difficult years.

I promise it gets better OP!

We had a similar issue moving from the small toddler table to a dining table.

We got a booster high chair seat that attaches to the chair and he can be strapped in over his lap.

I then bought a really cheap paw patrol table cloth and place mat and some bowls and cutlery.

We then told him if he sat up to the table for each meal he would get a sticker for his reward chart and a sticker for himself and when he got a row (7) he would get a paw patrol car.

We only had to give out three cars and he sits perfectly now. He now just takes himself to the table and doesn't complain.

I got the cars off a vinted bundle i was saving for christmas so that worked well too.

He's 3 in January and also not really motivated by food but loves stickers and cars!

We've always done it but I have had friends who have started to implement it (usually after moving house and suddenly having space for a dining table) and if I remember rightly the consensus was that having meals they particularly enjoy, with big servers in the middle of the table and having rules from the off (eg bums on seat, no running off etc) helped.

Once they've got used to it it is nice to have the odd meal on the sofa together, I think. Feels like a treat!

Kids have to sit at tables for school lunches so it's good to get them in the habit.

Do yours respond well to 'helping', OP? Maybe giving them some choices on a weekly menu or putting them in charge of sauces or cutlery would help get them into it?

@minipie maybe that would have looked less rude if you’d asked first. No, he doesn’t bar one mid afternoon which is usually an apple.

A typical day is

Porridge with banana/blueberries or scrambled egg on toast with cherry tomatoes.

Lunch is usually something fairly straightforward but healthy such as fish fingers, mash and peas or beans on toast or macaroni cheese with added veg.

Dinner - some dinners I make include chilli, beef ragu, lemon chicken, chicken curry, etc.

He sometimes has a yoghurt after dinner.

So I’m broadly happy with WHAT he eats. It’s how he eats it that drives me half crazy.

To add, we did the same as @fandjango - We bought some cheap Thomas the Tank Engine plates and cups etc. and his own personal placemat. We even bought some placemats that you colour on, which he was allowed to colour on with crayons in between bites.

I totally forgot we did that, it seems like an eternity ago!

Thanks @Holly60

When the teenage years kick in you'll laugh at this. My DH had the appetite of a bird as a child, had an insatiable appetite as a teenager and as an adult, he snacks constantly but couldn't eat a large meal, even if he hadn't eaten all day. It's just too much food for him (I wish I had that problem).

Your DC might just be a light eater and I can imagine it's boring if they're sat there with nothing to do. When I was a nanny the children were allowed a small toy like a car or paper and pens at the table, if they wanted. They ate at their own pace and if they weren't hungry, didn't have to finish. The only rule was that they couldn't leave the table until everyone was finished (I was living in France and it was a very common rule in French households). Whatever was left by the time an adult was finished was taken away without any comment or pressure. Though french adults tend to talking a lot while at the dinner table so the food wasn't taken away quickly.

Sounds like you're beating yourself up. How old are they? I don't believe toddlers need sit down with adults to eat. Young children eat way earlier and it's just not necessary for them to sit still at that age.

But if he's modelling this behaviour and good behaviour is not enforced the little one will be the same. Getting him to sit is more important than eating at this stage I woukd say. No kid will actually starve themselves and he'll soon learn. My second was a terrible eater but just had to stay at the table. Make it a calm, pleasant place to be with fun conversation and if he won't sit he doesnt get screen time or whatever he enjoys.

Every meal? Including breakfast and lunch? What about when you're not hungry or at work etc?

Hi OP, mine always ate at the table (and still do), but this didn't work with DD1, mainly because she had absolutely no interest in food. Shes so much better now she is older (5), but it was tricky when she was younger. It's very easy for spills to say, 'Eat at the table, model eating behaviour' etc, but if you have a child who isn't interested in food, getting them to do this is really hard. Sympathies! I realised it wasn't our parenting when we had DD2 and staying at the table was no issue!

Most people don't do deserts anymore. In any case it should definitely not be used as a bribe! It fuels the good food/bad food associations.