If your kids sit at the table and eat …

[Justwontdoit]

Tell me how you enforced that. I’ve gone horribly wrong with no1 but hoping to put it right for no2.

Our high chair turned into a table and chair so that was used at the start of pushing eating at the table
My daughter was 13 months before she ate a meal and isn't a great eater.

We had a period of moving a plate of food around with her for most of the day just trying to get her to eat. It didn't work so we tried the table again. She got frustrated in the high chair so we moved her to the chair and table when eating on her own and we were just sitting with her and took the tray off her high chair so she could use the table but be at the right height. She's 2nd percentile so the size of an 18m old at over 3. This has been a good option for now. She can climb in and out on her own.

My daughter has a lot of allergies and one thing we have found helpful for her to get her to eat is to make her food as close to ours as possible. She has food allergies so it can be hard to get food we can all eat and be tasty! We also now have her sat at the table wherever we eat even if she had her dinner an hour earlier. She gets a small something to eat say a handful of plain pasta or peanut butter on a cracker.

Consistency helps us. Holding ourselves to the same standing as her. Inclusivity and making her feel equal to us seems to help. There are days and weeks where she doesn't it but it isn't as stressful as those days and weeks where she wasn't eating and we were following her around with a plate of food.

I REALLY feel your pain - my son is just like this. I have an older DC and this was a non issue with her - ate 3 meals a day, 2 snacks then got down to play etc. I thought I was a genius - I didn’t realise it was just how she was!!

The new one (now 4) just finds eating boring (his words) BUT he has to consume vast quantities of food to sleep at night, so it’s a bloody nightmare. Ideally he would just graze on a 24 hour cycle like a baby (and he did when he was!!)

I have no good solution to offer you as I have resorted to screen time at the dinner table in order to keep him still and eating. When he was smaller I read books while he ate, but I just don’t have time/energy for that right now! I don’t let him eat while roaming, mainly because of the choke hazard and mess.

So dinnertime is TV time (other meals I just sit with him and help him when he flags a bit. Pudding can be a good motivator, or whatever it is we are doing later that day). I also do dinner x2 ie. dinner, break for playing/bath etc, and then a “snack” which is almost as big as dinner! Porridge is helpful at this stage in the evening…

Mine is also not fussed about sleeping, so will stay up late - which is just as well given how long it takes to fill his tummy. But it means I almost never have an evening as am dealing with him until late at night.

Honestly it makes me despair as I feel my whole night revolves around feeding him. But if I leave it to him then he’s hungry at bedtime and won’t fall asleep til he has eaten something and then ALSO wakes up hungry in the night.

All I have to offer you is that a snack at the 5am wake up (or any other time) usually results in at least another 2hours’ sleep in our house. Bananas are your friend! Warm milk is good after dinner. Also just maximize daytime calories as much as you can. But it doesn’t help much…

The issue isn’t he won’t sit at the table - the issue is he has better things to do than eat, right up until the point where it’s bedtime at which point eating becomes the preferable alternative. It is M.A.D.D.E.N.I.N.G

I’m so sorry - I feel ya!

My DS is 3 and we do a quiz at mealtimes. He had to eat a mouthful, then he can ask me a question or I can ask him one.

It didn’t irk me at all and I apologise profusely if that’s the impression I gave, it was unintentional if so. I just don’t think there is a way of forcing them to sit at the table. You can definitely as others have said only have food at the table so if they don’t sit at the table they don’t get fed but if they don’t really care about this it’s a toughie as I guess it’s me it impacts if he doesn’t eat much!

With our 2 year old, we've never forced her to stay at the table. She wants to get down she can but the rest of us are at the table and we won't chase her to bring her back or stop eating to try to make her sit still. The meal just carries on without her and she cannot stand that so she stopped getting down and now sits properly even when she doesn't want to eat her food. 1 year old is easy because we can still strap him in a chair. Plus he's a gannet so all the time there's food he has no interest in getting down

@Tomtomthepipers ugh I had a year and a half of the 5am wake ups. He has actually woken up at 5 this past week and I’m hoping it’s just because he hasn’t been very well - some sort of viral thing - and I’d forgotten how utterly shit it is. The day lasts forever, they’re grumpy because they’re tired and they can’t get through the day without a nap but they also fight it, then they don’t want to wake up from the nap and are horrible if you make them and if you don’t they go to bed at 10pm or something …

Yeah ill keep following him with food I think 🤣

Oh no, you don't need to worry about this.

I had one of these at three. He actually barely ate any solids at all between the ages of 9-22 months, and then had about ten foods he would eat a mouthful of here and there (and most of them were fruit/vegetables/sweets/crisps) until he was about seven. He is now 15 and eats ALL THE TIME. Keeps complaining that we don't have enough protein goes to the gym makes bacon sandwiches and smoothies at 11pm. I just look at him like I tried to force protein into you for 14 years.

Still doesn't like sitting at a table

I do need to look to this - problem is, he won’t be satisfied with an apple for a snack then, I bet!

🤣🤣

Agree with @DoYouSmellCarrots that interoception may be an issue. My family has always socialised over meal times, so of all the parenting issues I'd ever imagined, a child who wouldn't sit nicely at the table and eat was waaaaaaay down the list. DD has shocking interoception and doesn't really feel hunger or thirst unless it gets extreme. She will have a few bites to get past the "really hungry" feeling and then leave it. She's well into primary school and still has to be reminded to drink.

This is a really good video about it

Don't panic about the "new topic in autism" headline, some NT children take longer to get the hang of it than others so poor interoception at 3 doesn't necessarily mean your child is autistic (although mine is - also ADHD which makes it harder for her to 'sit nicely'). Just like some 3 year olds take longer to get the hang of proprioception (where they end and others begin) or some children take longer to work out balance - some three year olds will be dancing along a gymnastics bar and others will burst into tears and need to hold a hand just standing on a low stool.

There are all sorts of things you can do to encourage interoception. At 3 I wouldn't be too worried about the emotions but would encourage him to think about what it feels like to be hot / cold / hungry / thirsty / full / need the toilet / sleepy / wide awake etc etc. Speaking it back to them is meant to be a good first step - "I can see you're shivering and the hairs on your arms are standing up, looks like you're cold" "Your face is red and you look sweaty, can you feel your heart racing? I think you're too hot" and so on.

You also say he seems restless at the table. You could try a wobble cushion and kick bands so that there is some sensory input even while seated.

This is so reassuring - mine won’t eat any meat either except sausages. But the 11pm bacon sarnie I can really imagine in our future. My older DC actually needs her sleep so she eats at normal times, but I can tell her brother is going to be a midnight feaster (and I will never have an evening to myself ever again 😱 🤣)

Nothing was enforced it just happens same as getting up in the morning or brushing teeth

We just keep repeating it and reinforcing the idea that the table is where we eat. If he's done eating and wants to get down then our son has to ask to be excused.

Son is three and knows that meals happen at the dining table as it's where we've always eaten.

We also take him out to eat a lot so he's used to the dining experience from that as well.

Hello could I speak to the manager, I ordered the "dining experience" and I think I got the "unforeseeable child experience" by mistake, I need a refund or this will go on TripAdvisor

Do you sit at the table with him or do other things in the kitchen?
If you don't sit down with him, give it a try as he will have your full attention which seems to be what he wants.

Could you position the table so that you block him in? The only way out is over you?
If he can sit at a table at nursery, he can do it at home. He just doesn't want to.

When he dashes off, always bring him back, but don't talk to him while you're doing it or make eye contact. Don't tell him off or react, don't engage with him at all other than to physically put him back in his seat. Save all the positive contact for when he is at the table and you are praising him for sitting down so well.
He's made getting down into a game that's gets your attention. Flip it on its head, no attention when he gets down. Your full attention and praise when he sits back down.

Is he drinks lots of sugary drinks? Milk? Stop the milk. Try to see which food he likes.

What drinks does he have? Any sugary ones?
Would he colour in at the table? Or play with cars at the table?

I had a child who wouldn’t sit in the highchair or stay at the table but it never occurred to me to follow her and feed her. What we did was leave the meal on the table (or if hot weather in the fridge) until
the next meal. So she could come back for a bite whenever she wanted. Now at 6 she eats normally.

He only has milk at night then water - I’ve no real issues with his diet, but he could do with eating more independently

@Applesandpears23 i guess we’re all different. As I explained up thread the ramification of him not eating enough hit me hard.

Food is only served and eaten at the table - no alternative ever. Sit together if you can, even if you will eat later, have a cup of tea with them whilst they eat. Getting down means they’ve finished eating

He’s also got his own little table and chairs which he likes but uses to play garages at rather than eating!

he might not sit at the table well but you now there’s nothing to worry about with his imagination 😂

When I was little, all meals and snacks were at the table apart from Sunday tea when we had trays and mum wheeled a trolley through to the sitting room 😂
We didn’t wander around with drinks either. We didn’t necessarily drink at the table but we didn’t wander around with a drink. When thirsty, we got a drink from the kitchen and usually drank in there. Water by the bed at night though.

I suppose I just assumed that was the norm and did the same. It was a shock when friends would visit with their toddlers who seemed to be allowed to wander around clutching snacks and, worst of all, brightly coloured drinks in cartons with a tiny straw…

It must be harder when people don’t have room for a designated table but if there is space, I’d prioritise that. I think once bad habits are established then it’s a case of not making a big fuss, as you never want to make food a battleground, but resign yourself to him possibly eating less for a few days while you go back to food only at the table. The carrot and stick are you and any others being sat at the table chatting away and the TV being off (unplugged if necessary) and everything being boring except at the table.

Agree that not making it a game to chase him is the way forward.

But it's hard if he then won't sleep.

He wants to be entertained.

Can you make games with the food? Get him to help plate it out?