If your kids sit at the table and eat …

[Justwontdoit]

Tell me how you enforced that. I’ve gone horribly wrong with no1 but hoping to put it right for no2.

@Jk987 - yes we eat every meal including lunch together. Dh and I work from home so all three meals. We all eat dinner together around 6.30pm, no separate timings. He’s still a pain at staying at the table.

We started with them in their high chair at the table, then a booster seat that had a lap strap and then progressed to the chair, I was a stickler for behaving correctly at the table, it wasn’t up for debate particularly when they were younger else how would they differentiate between our table and a restaurant where they are expected to stay sat down. Whenever possible at home we all ate together sat at the table. It’s extremely rare for us to eat sitting on the sofa and they’re not allowed to take meals to eat upstairs. When my DS was about 15 (he’s 22 now) he asked why we always ate at the table. I explained that it was the best opportunity to get to know how his and his sister’s day was and check in with them both, that he would look back and realise how fortunate he was to get to have that time together with his sister and us. When his girlfriend was setting the table with him about a year ago she said that she loved that whenever she had dinner at our house we always eat together at the table and the only time she would with her family was Christmas. It might be considered old fashioned and work commitments can be an obstacle but it’s never been up for discussion, we eat at the table even if it’s just one or two of us.

DC1 is an easy going child with no eating or behaviour issues. Would sit in her high chair and subsequently at the table and just ate her food. I rarely sat & ate with her as I'd be clearing up the kitchen or similar around her.
DC2 didn't sit still & had massive issues around eating. We took his chair away eventually as constantly asking him to sit still was too much tension on top of persuading him to actually get some food past his lips.
They're secondary school now. We've just all had dinner cooked by DC1 & eaten it in front of I'm a Celebrity

This made me smile!

Sit him down and feed him. Only feed him at the table, though.

You can set a timer and limit meals to fifteen minutes, increasing to 20, 25, etc. over a few months.

You can graduate to feeding him every second mouthful and increase that over time.

If he won't sit and be fed, bring back the high chair. He would find it harder to escape one at age 3. He should be sitting in a trolley seat when shopping at this age too. Maybe try reins there? You could use reins for the dining table too. I used reins (just the chest harness part) for one DC whose nickname was Houdini.

How does he respond to other non negotiable elements of his life at home? Are there any? Sometimes this sort of behaviour is part of a wider pattern.

I tried reins once and he went absolutely mental. I don’t think he’d fit in a high chair and plus surely forcing him into one and him screaming or whatever would just make mealtimes stressful which is what I want to avoid.

@SharonEllis - he might not actually starve but wouldn’t eat anything like enough and then he tends to wake crazily early which is just horrid for the whole day then for everyone.

it would be a pain in the arse but if he takes off, you bring him back ad infinitum till he gets the message a la Supernanny and the naughty step

I used to read chapter books to my 2 at mealtimes. Kept them interested for long enough to sit and eat.

Re non negotiables - I think he’s a crafty so and so and probably knows that there’s little I can do to make him sit at a table.

Always eat all meals at the table, if on occasion when they were small we were eating separately one of us would sit with them whilst they ate.
DS is now married (30) and Dd 16 both automatically eat at the table. DH is a farmer and I’ve often worked late , early shifts etc but even then when we come home eat at the table. Our neighbour always fed her daughter at the coffee table whilst she watched tv and wondered why when they went out to a restaurant the child misbehaved, they always ate after she was put to bed .

The problem is, he doesn’t, he just laughs manically and finds it hilarious. He thinks it’s a great game.

Yes, my Houdini went mental too, the first time. Screamed blue murder. Less so the next few times. Eventually she accepted the reins.

The bottom line was she had to stop climbing out of the trolley seat. This was very important to me.

You can't have it both ways - either put your foot down and deal with the initial unpleasantness or prepare to be writing the same post this time next year.

Your DC thinks this is a game and the details of eating are optional. If you think they're not, then you need to deal with whatever he throws at you and be ruthless about doing things the way you want them done.

Only read your posts OP so not sure if this has been suggested but my oldest was very similar, not food orientated at all and easily distracted. At the suggestion of our HV we used sand timers to encourage him to sit at the table for short periods and built up (starting with just a few mins) and it has gradually got better. Even now he is much older we have to manage our expectations...he's allowed to get down and do something else once he's finished for example rather than having to sit and wait for everyone else. We made portion sizes smaller so he wasn't overwhelmed with a big plate of food, and added in a healthy snack (usually a banana) before bedtime.

I’m not sure how trolley seats have come into it - have I missed something?

I think the ship has sailed with DS, I’m just wondering how to avoid with Dc2, and how to avoid. I’ll be thinking about weaning in the next two/three months so hoping to get this one into better habits.

@IsDieHardAChristmasFilm - explained it far better than I did , ie always non negotiable, from high chair age. Children like stability and it continues into adulthood.

That’s a really good suggestion @Twistedlogic , thanks, he will sit and eat but it’s sometimes for literally three mouthfuls then is saying ‘I’ll get down now.’

I am hoping to do some ‘quieter’ activities with him like jigsaw puzzles etc so this will help.

Does he do it at every mealtime?

You really need to work at it and keep going till he stops laughing maniacally, then he knows you’re serious. Zero tolerance, and you might find he has more of an interest in food once he’s at the table

You do realise you’ve shot down every suggestion which has been made though? Ho much do you REALLY want to resolve this?

At home he does and at his grandparents, but not out and not at nursery.

I wonder if the problem is that it's actually you who believes this. In reality, you're the parent and you absolutely can make him sit at the table. It might cause a massive fuss or meltdown or take forever at first, but you're still in charge. If you follow through consistently, I would be surprised if he doesn't realise that it's a non-negotiable pretty quickly.

How do you enforce other things that can be a problem, teeth brushing, seatbelts, etc? Is there an approach that has worked in the past - rewards? He's getting a lot of attention and power here, which he'll obviously like, so it's a tricky dynamic

@Heyhoherewegoagain trust me, he would love it. I’m reluctant to ‘reward’ an unwanted behaviour with something he would perceive as a game.

I’m thinking your username is more about you than your child 😂

Well DC2 will sit, under durress sometimes, and will also sometimes eat.

@MsFrog so this may sound as if I’m being difficult but I’m not - how?

Tie him to a chair? I really am genuinely asking.

If I keep physically picking him up and taking him back (and bear in mind I have another child who also has needs) he would LOVE it. He’d find it the most hilarious game and roar with manic laughter, cackling with glee. As well as ‘rewarding’ him for unwanted behaviour it also gets him worked up into a giddy frenzy of that awful silly behaviour. No ones won anything in those instances.

I could physically prevent him from leaving the table by grabbing him but then I’m just fighting with him really.

Why, because I’ve explained (quite nicely, I think, I certainly haven’t been rude at all) that returning him constantly would be ineffective because it would be giving him attention?

He really does love anything like that, finds it a really funny thing to do.