If your kids sit at the table and eat …

[Justwontdoit]

Tell me how you enforced that. I’ve gone horribly wrong with no1 but hoping to put it right for no2.

But how? I mean, you don’t tie them up?

Hard to know what went wrong but I would say at a guess

1. not being used to a table for ages (the dining room table became an office during covid)
2. then he always hated the high chair and could get out of it from a very early age. I remember some women shouting at me in a supermarket cafe as he was standing up in his high chair.
3. not being particularly bothered by or motivated by food, which is still an issue now
4. was obsessed with a dummy between 12-18 monthsish, we did knock it on the head (I accept should have done it sooner) but that used to interfere with eating.

He is 3 thanks

Consistency - that is where we eat meals. When they were smaller, the high chair would be next to the table so they were used to it being the dining area.

I remember at a preschool event where they had a table set out with chairs for eating and one of the staff said they could always tell who ate round a table as a family and who didn't.

Just started as I meant to go on. Meals are eaten at the table. Period. There is no other option. When we're finished we ask to be excused. Model it. I will say to them, excuse me please and give a reason if I need to leave the table and if they want to leave they say the same. It's how I was always taught so just did the same with the kids.

From starting weaning we all sat at the table together and ate. Manners were taught from the start, bad manners lose pudding. They ask to leave the table and aren't allowed to leave til everyone has finished eating, they have to sit nicely.

That’s interesting @casuarinatree as my saving grace is I know he sits and eats fine at nursery and usually does if we’re out in a cafe or restaurant - we’ve had the odd moment if you like but mostly it’s been fine and without any phones or anything which is good. But home is a pain. He just doesn’t eat anything like enough without me chasing after him and feeding him, and I know people will say not to and he’ll eat when he’s hungry but he just doesn’t, and then his sleep is affected because of hunger and then poor behaviour the next day is perpetuated because of lack of sleep and that makes mealtimes even more tricky!

I make SUCH an effort with food - drives me absolutely mad!

And what happens after this? Does he get food given to him somewhere else? Or is he just not bothered and doesn't have any more food? Or do meals take ages because he eats a bite, wanders off, comes back for another bite, goes off again?

Is the issue that he eats elsewhere?
Or is it that he doesn't want much, so finishes and gets bored, and leaves the table?

Sorry cross posted! So you take the food to him when he gets down? What is everyone else doing at his mealtime? Do you all eat together, or is he sitting at the table and is the only one eating?

@CrispsandCheeseSandwich I suppose both really.

He used to eat very little, to the point where I found nursery a relief because he’d eat there! But at just after 18 months he seemed to improve a lot but with me feeding him. It comes in waves.

We eat together and no-one 'gets down' without asking first. We started when ds was in a high chair, 14 years ago.

Now DS lays the table, and there is generally a dessert for afters, to stay for, but his appetite is so huge at the moment, I don't need to persuade him 😀

I think the key things for us was always to have an adult sitting at the table, even if we weren't eating at the same time, and reading loads of books with them while they ate. We even had a bookshelf by the kitchen table so there were always books at hand. They would have been difficult to keep at the table without entertaining them in some way and we didn't want to use a TV. They are teens now and still consider eating in front of the TV as a proper treat. Which is possibly a bit sad when I see that written down!

My youngest is 15 months and doesn't tolerate a high chair.
So they sit/stand in and adult chair.
Which obviously means that sometimes they run off. But when they do, they get no food. Only if and when they come back to the table.
Some mealtimes, this means they barely eat a thing, and yes you're right it does effect sleep. But I'll be dammed if I'm chasing a baby around the room with a spoon, especially as my preschooler is expected to sit and eat. I'm just guessing that by sticking at it and holding right to the food at at table rule, that fingers crossed she will 'get' it eventually.

Sorry pressed post too soon. It comes in waves but he won’t sit and eat. Just hares off (at home anyway.) Mealtimes take forever, and I know as I said above the advice will be to just let him eat but he just doesn’t! He doesn’t even DRINK without prompting

I think a lot of it is luck. DS1 (also age 3) sat at the table with us from being a baby. We rarely had food away from the table. We have set, predictable times for meals. We nearly always eat as a family and chat. DS1 can be a bit feral generally but he has always been stellar at sitting for meals but at home and out.

I still reckon though you could do all of the above and have a child that won’t sit at the table!

@crostini i guess that’s where we’re different … I do understand and admire your stance but I feel that if his sleep is poor (and then mine will be too and I get hardly any as it is!) his behaviour is then impacted which makes him LESS likely to comply, if that makes sense.

But I am glad I am not alone with a high chair hating child.

Thanks @VivaVivaa , he’s usually OK when out. He may want to have a wander but a harmless one (eg looking at fish or something in a restaurant which is fair enough) but at home no chance!

Ah, he’s only 3, it isn’t too late, you can still do it.

Just make sure every meal is at the table and adults are sitting, eating, role modelling too. No screens whatsoever. I would say no chasing either, just a nice, calm, ‘come back please, it’s dinner time now’. Minimal fuss or excitement if possible.

Keep at it, be really consistent. Lots of praise when he sits and eats nicely. You’ll get there and it will be well worth it when you can take your DC to eat anywhere!

I wish I could say it would work @Chewbecca but it just doesn’t, he just doesn’t eat, and I suppose if I am honest with myself him eating a good meal is more important to me than insisting he’s say at a table to eat it - hoping things will be different with the baby though.

My daughter is just 2 and has refused her high chair for months so got her a booster, worked for abjt but then she refused, the only way I could get her at the table was by putting the TV on otherwise she'd just run off and not eat. Now she sits at the table by herself without the tv (mostly) and if she does get down I just leave her food and she always comes back to it.

It was a battle for a while, I'm pregnant and on my own with her as husband works long hours and it was just battle after battle so I picked my battle which was sit at the table but compromised with TV.

What do you do when he runs off from the table? If one of mine tried that as a toddler they would be fetched back immediately and told 'we all sit together at the table for meals', and repeat til it sinks in

Age 3 is difficult. They have small stomachs and don’t understand the idea of eating more now to avoid being hungry later.

I used to do a lot of quite separated meals- veg & meat first, bread/pasta after. That way they’d eat the healthiest bit when most hungry and if they left the starch it wasn’t a big deal (it was their favourite bit so this was unlikely). I also think a large plate of food can be quite daunting at this age.

I also have always given a small pudding (like, a few smarties) if enough eaten at dinner - not plate finished but a sensible amount. Not sure this is a good habit to get into mind, but it helps with getting a good amount in.

One other thing, my DC palates have always been more adventurous at lunch than tea time (tiredness) so would suggest you save any more challenging meals for lunch.

All this “we sit at the table and show a good example” stuff really doesn’t work for a wrigglebum 3 year old who doesn’t have a huge natural appetite.

My 4yo DS was horrible at eating at the table - our fault, we were doing some work on the house and the dining room was out of action for months so he became used to eating in the living room.

However, we put him in charge of the playlist for all dinner times and this has really really helped. I can handle a bit of Moana if it means we can have family dinner - plus we chat about music! We have since graduated on to choosing a song each at dinner time (it’s just me,him and DH) so we now all get to share songs over dinner. It’s lovely actually.

We started from near enough birth. We always sit as a family and eat at the table. First she was in arms and then in a tripp trapp newborn set. Sat with us every meal time. It just became the norm.

I don't believe in forcing a child to sit at the table or sit still. Kids will be kids. She is allowed to get down if she chooses and come and go while we eat. But she rarely does this. Eating isnt forced. If she rejects a meal thats fine. She knows meals are at the table and we eat at the table with her. On the rare occasion we eat later we still sit with her. Its just been her norm since day 1. She lays the table for us at 3. Its part of our routine.

Consistency is key when establishkng any routine. So stick with it and it'll become your normal.

They just have from the very beginning. As soon as they could sit in a high chair we all ate together. It's just the norm for us.

I don't think my kids realise there is another option. Of course sometimes we eat out and about, picnic etc, but at home we eat everything at the table.

I have 8, 6 and 3 yo they are only ever allowed food at the table, snacks and everything.

My 3 year old barely eats anything and doesnt stay at the table for long, his food stays for a bit then I bin it. He appears to be developmentally appropriate so I have to accept that he wont starve himself and just let him regulate himself. Today he refused breakfast and had a bite of my porridge, he helped me bake cupcakes and ate half of one and half an apple, he ate a babybel for his lunch and a yoghurt, he had a quarter of a slice of toast for his dinner. I offer him porridge or weetabix or a cup of milk before bed in case he's hungry but again all of these are given to him at the table.

We also turn all devices including the TV off when we have dinner and they don't go back on again so he has no distraction other than playing with his toys.