When would you leave your baby to go abroad?

[arsol]

I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding next year and the plan is to go abroad. I won't be going as my kids will be 3 and 12 months.

Which got me wondering what age people think is reasonable to go abroad without their kids? I thought most people like me would not want to leave a baby under 1, but then an influencer I follow has just left her 4 month old to go to a wedding abroad which made me wonder if I was being precious. The longest I've ever been apart from my 3 year old is 3 days and around 1.5 hours drive away.

Interested in views just out of interest really to see if I'm being over anxious.

I went away for a weekend when my LB was about 20 months but I would have gone any time after he was weaned which was around 13 months. My and my OH are very equal parents so I had no qualms leaving him with his Dad.

I’ve got a friend (childless) who lives in Spain and I wanted to go and visit her. My partner, my LB’s Dad looked after him when I went for a weekend. Hardly ‘dumping my child’ 😂

I work in travel. Not possible to do my highly specialised job without going abroad. So I have left my children at home on a very regular basis from the age of 10 months while I travelled. On average, I leave them for 3-4 days at a time, 2-3 times a month. They are mid-teens now, and very well adjusted kids. My children have never known any different - mummy goes to work. But I have been judged by other parents. Oh yes, 🙄 so much judging, especially when they were at primary school.

My kids (18 months & 6) have been abroad without me. They went with their dad though. I’m not sure I’d want to leave the youngest with anyone else just yet.
I just kept telling myself that separated parents experience this regularly. Felt unnatural on day 1 but I quite enjoyed some me time by the end.

There really can’t be an answer to this. Each person is so different in how they feel.

I am a worrier. If I left and my youngest (4 years old) fell sick, I’d not be able to relax at all. Some parents are very chilled about a grandparent or someone else, nursing their kids. My kids grandparents don’t have a very involved role with my kids. My parents live a couple of hours away and so they see my kids (eldest is 11 years old) only during school holidays. They don’t know the signs of when my kids aren’t right.

Money is tight so for us if we went out / away I'd want the kids to come. I wouldn't even have a McDonald's without them. That's just me.

So you’re NOT going to be a bridesmaid….
But you should, if you’ve got somebody wonderful with which to leave your children .

My husband and I left our DS with my mum and dad when he was 10 months old for 5 nights and then had my MIL/DIL have him for nights 6/7.

He has had plenty of one night sleepovers since but never longer than 1 night at a time. He’s almost 7. He’s only ever slept over at my mums and only ever been babysat by her and my MIL and 1 close friend. Mum collects him from school 3 x per week now. MIL sees him every Sunday.

Back to front too all posters, I wouldn’t leave him for a week now just because I’d have no need. He’s such an easy going child and brilliant traveller. if I go away for work he’s with DH so never an issue as he isn’t fussed who he is with out of the two of us.

My friend left her baby at 12 weeks for 5 nights to go on a hen do. I’m currently pregnant but planning an abroad girls trip for when they’re weaned, probs around 5 months.
I guess everyone’s different but my friend was in new mummy depression mode and she said the trip was just what she needed. I am surprised by how reluctant people are to leave their kids when a dad probably wouldn’t think twice.

Everyone is different and you must do what makes you comfortable. I first left my children for three nights (left at home with their dad) whilst I went on a girly weekend. They were 2, 4 and 6 years old at the time. I did feel that three nights was too long and wished I had only gone for two nights.

DS was 4.5 but had stayed over night with grandparents before then and it was only for 3 nights, both DH and I went away for our wedding anniversary.
I had been away for two nights on a hen but DS was with DH so that felt fine, DH consolidated hours when I went back to work so was used to having DS on his own

I would not leave a baby under 12m, and possibly even older. With my eldest first time I went away without her when she was almost 3

If the wedding is someone you are close to and matters in your life, I’d definitely be going. As long as your kids are left with close family (grandparents or DH) I think you are bring rather precious not to go.

I left my boy at nearly 18 months to go to Dublin for a long weekend (4 days, 3 nights) for a hen party, he stayed with grandparents as dad had plans that weekend too although dad did call in throughout the weekend.

we both left him a few months months later for the same amount of time to go to Dublin again for DH delayed 40th (was 40 in lockdown), again he stayed with grandparents. he was absolutely fine, didn’t even care that we weren’t there 🙄.

We’re planning to go to Vegas for my 40th in a few years and we’ll be going for probably about 5 nights. Kids will be around 5 and 2.5. They’ll stay with grandparents again and I’m sure they’ll be absolutely fine. They usually stay with my parents and they are used to staying there occasionally whilst we work (I’m a shift worker and DH works away during the week).

I had a one day work trip when mine was 9 months - in and out in a day, but it felt very strange to be in a different country from him, even though the flight was only an hour.

I went abroad on business when my youngest was 3. I wasn't entirely comfortable with it to be honest as it was a 10 day trip to Asia and getting back wouldn't have been that easy if there had been a problem at home. But it was really important that I went and of course I was worried about nothing - the kids were fine with DH and I was too busy to miss them as much as I thought I would. I wouldn't have left them with anyone other than DH though so whilst we have both travelled for work we have never been on holiday without the children.

Dh and I want abroad for about 10 days when dd1 and dd2 were about 5 and 6. It was related to dh's work ( in Greek Islands) and I tagged along. They were with my parents and it was fine. Can't imagine leaving a very small baby but depends if they are with someone they're used to.

Is it a child free wedding? I don’t see a reason to. IMO I don’t see the point in having kids if you’re going to do life without them anyway! I know this is different, as it’s for a wedding, but 2 out of 3 of my bridesmaids are no longer in my life, after they screwed us over - and the final we barely see!
I know of people that used to go off and leave their children with grandparents for 2 weeks while they travelled the world, went skiing etc! I honestly think it’s disgraceful!! I’d never dare to ask grandparents to have my children for 2 weeks whilst I went off on a jolly without them! I get people need a break every so often but I couldn’t do it, and 2 weeks is horrendous. I am anxious though but I equally think I didn’t have children to just leave them behind, I want to show them the world too!

nine hasn't been left for more than 2hrs other than at nursery.
I hate the idea of him needing/wanting me and me not being there.

IMO I don’t see the point in having kids if you’re going to do life without them anyway!

So once you have kids you have to do everything with them?? Ridiculous.

If it’s financially possible, you can do both. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

We left ours with my mum whilst my dh and I went to Spain for a week for a wedding. Kids had a great time and honestly my husband and I needed it! We had gone to Disney a couple of months before, so didn’t feel too guilty. They were 9/6/5 and had never been away from them before.

Left baby with dad for 5 days at 6 months for a wedding on another continent. Left with grandparents for 7 days at 12 months for a wedding (again another continent).

Before going both times I was very nervous and questioned my decision to go. Afterwards, i felt that it was without doubt the best decision. It totally refreshed me and gave the baby the chance to bond with other family members.

It’s a v personal decision of course. This is just my experience.

The longest I’ve been apart from my 8 year old is the 3 days I was in hospital having my 3 year old. (Covid meant he wasn’t allowed to come and visit.) I almost had to go abroad on a work trip to China for a week (I’m in the UK) when he was 4 and was so relieved when it got cancelled. I ended up taking voluntary redundancy when I had the opportunity as I realised I couldn’t do it. I’ve only been apart from my 3 year old for one night. I’m already dreading my son going on his year 6 week long residential trip in 3 years time 🤣

We left our daughter with my parents when she was 10months. She’d been staying overnight with them since she was a month old though. No concerns; babies are babies and they’d raised one before (Me) so knew what they were doing obviously.

I think you’re being over anxious, especially if Dad is going to be there anyway, he’s equal parent to yourself.