When would you leave your baby to go abroad?

[arsol]

I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding next year and the plan is to go abroad. I won't be going as my kids will be 3 and 12 months.

Which got me wondering what age people think is reasonable to go abroad without their kids? I thought most people like me would not want to leave a baby under 1, but then an influencer I follow has just left her 4 month old to go to a wedding abroad which made me wonder if I was being precious. The longest I've ever been apart from my 3 year old is 3 days and around 1.5 hours drive away.

Interested in views just out of interest really to see if I'm being over anxious.

I think it depends partly on how bonded they are to the person you’re leaving them with. If they’re with you most of the time usually then I don’t think it’s fair to just disappear. If they’re looked after by dad or a nanny etc whilst you work full time that’s different. If you’re the primary care giver I think you need to wait until the stage that they can understand you’ve gone temporarily and will come back

I think actually psychological research is against you here and attachment is incredibly important in forming a secure person in the long run. Developmentally children are meant to be with primary care givers.

We took granny with us to the international wedding when DD1 was 12 weeks old, so she looked after her while we went to the events, including one overnight. We went without the baby when she was 12months.

Mine are 2 and 3 and I personally wouldn’t yet. Main reason being in case they were unwell whilst I’m away- i would be a lot for someone else to deal with and I would be worried the whole time!

I don't have a hard and fast rule on this and I think it depends so much on everyone's health, personalities, infant feeding and so on.

I've never been invited abroad without my kids yet haha who are now 5 and 2. I wouldn't have had any issue with leaving either of them at 12 months old though, with their dad. Neither were breastfed at that age and we took turns with bedtimes for both of them by that age. I wouldn't have left them with anyone else though (because of our circumstances, not saying that nobody else should!).

We won a trip to Las Vegas when our kids were 2 and 3. It was only for a few days. We tried to make it work and take them but we couldn’t do it and didn’t want to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity. It was really hard being away from them, although they were fine with family. I wouldn’t have chosen to do it though.

Never. Never ever. It’s incredibly selfish. The only time I will be doing so is if ExH has arranged to take DS on holiday anyway, otherwise, until my son has either moved out or says he doesn’t want to go on holidays anymore (which won’t be allowed until he’s 18 anyway as he won’t be staying home alone overnight before then) I will not go on any kind of holiday without him

I don't have anyone I trust enough and I quite like just accepting that the season of life I'm currently in does not involve weekends away. I definitely won't leave him until we can communicate really clearly and easily with him.

My FIL told me he'd be taking my son abroad when he's 2. He will never go abroad without me until he's in his teens at least.

You are going to force a 17 year old to go on holiday with you ? Youll both get quite a shock if he leaves home at 18 then!

Never. Never ever. It’s incredibly selfish.

It really isn't.
You're allowed to do things without your children. It doesn't make you selfish at all.

With how my son is with ASD at the moment, yes, or he will have to go to his Dad’s. It all depends how the child is but at the moment based on how he is, no. But either way, at this age it’s incredibly selfish and wouldn’t dream of going away without my child until they voiced they don’t want to go. Now back off, I gave my opinion, not to start a row with someone, we can disagree without making nasty comments

@Mummma9420 yes it's fine to disagree but you don't get to call people selfish without being challenged.

Why is it selfish exactly?

I mean, I travel internationally for my job. Am I selfish? Or am I only being selfish if it's for pleasure?

Yes you are, but I wouldn’t go on holiday or abroad without them, I would feel awful. I’m allowed to feel this way, if you disagree just scroll by. I was simply answering the question

we can disagree without making nasty comments

Don't call people selfish then... that's pretty nasty 🙄

No, that’s not through choice and can’t be helped if that’s your job. For pleasure, yes. I personally just couldn’t leave my child by choice when I only have him part of the time anyway

Why am I selfish?

Are you suggesting I need to change jobs?

No, as I said in relation to your job when you mentioned it, if it’s work it can’t be helped

And that's your choice. I wouldn't dream of calling you selfish for how you've chosen to parent your child.

So what's the difference though?

My work trips are often 10 nights plus. My trips away for pleasure are 2/3 nights.

I wouldn't have left either of mine at 12 months, but both heavily breastfed still at that age.

I did go on holiday for a week when the youngest was almost 3. She missed me. I find again when she was almost 4 and she was better that time.

Both times she was left in the care of her wonderful dad.

This year we intend to leave both kids, 5&8 with grandparents for a week.

I've travelled for work since my son was 12 months old and my DD was 3. I leave them every couple of months for a night of two. They have a father who looks after them fine. I don't love it and feel sad for them, mainly at their bed time and during the night. I don't think they mind during the day when they're at nursery and at preschool but I think they miss me at bed time and if they wake up during the night and that makes me sad.

Look I’m not doing this, I have my opinion and you have yours, that is all, I’m not getting in a back and forth. Perhaps I view it differently as I only have my son 50/50 so wouldn’t go away without him. If you would, good for you, I would not

I have no issue with the fact you view things differently to me.
I just think it's out of order to call people selfish for viewing things differently.

It's out of order and needed calling out.

Yes perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word, I’m ASD and don’t always have a filter for these things. However, I personally would feel selfish, as I have said because I only have my son roughly 50% of the time and should organise around him. I just personally couldn’t do it

I just personally couldn’t do it and have now been attacked for it.

No you've been called out for calling people selfish. You haven't been attacked for saying you wouldn't leave your child.