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Parenting

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Original poster

When would you leave your baby to go abroad?

289 replies

arsol · 26/10/2023 09:56

I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding next year and the plan is to go abroad. I won't be going as my kids will be 3 and 12 months.

Which got me wondering what age people think is reasonable to go abroad without their kids? I thought most people like me would not want to leave a baby under 1, but then an influencer I follow has just left her 4 month old to go to a wedding abroad which made me wonder if I was being precious. The longest I've ever been apart from my 3 year old is 3 days and around 1.5 hours drive away.

Interested in views just out of interest really to see if I'm being over anxious.

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DuploTrain · 26/10/2023 09:58

I went abroad when my DS was 12 months, then again when he was 25 months (for 5 days each time).

He was with his dad, it was fine. I did miss him though and wouldn’t have wanted to be away for longer than 5 days.

BoohooWoohoo · 26/10/2023 10:01

I would leave a 12 month old if it was the wedding of someone important in my life and I had someone reliable to look after a baby. 4 months is probably too early for me but if I was separated from baby for reasons like a hospital stay at that age then I wouldn't feel guilty.

grenlook · 26/10/2023 10:23

I haven't gone abroad on my own since DC1 was born, 5.5 years ago. Logistically I could arrange it, I just don't see any reason that would be good enough for me to consider it. Someone else's wedding isn't enough for me to miss out on being with my dc. I'm not anxious as I am not worried about anything bad happening, but I enjoy my time with the dc, including every bedtime, and I enjoy other activities less so they take a lower priority for me. Plenty of time for things like that when the dc are older.

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noooooooo · 26/10/2023 10:28

I didn’t. I don’t judge people who do, I just didn’t fancy leaving the country just in case there was a major event, like the ash cloud or whatever. First time was when the youngest was ten.

aSofaNearYou · 26/10/2023 10:28

Depends for how long. I'd leave children yours' age if it was just a couple of days. But I wouldn't go away for a week until they were both maybe 5ish.

Orangellama · 26/10/2023 10:35

I left DC at 18 months for four days to have a girls weekend abroad (he was with DH). I was a bit anxious about going before I went but was absolutely fine when I got there and had a great time. I first left him for two nights at ten months old to have a weekend away in the UK with some friends which I didn't actually give a second thought to.

DH also quite likes it when it's just the two of them as he becomes no 1 parent for a change!

I'm not sure what my time or distance limit would be whilst they're still a toddler, as the opportunity hasn't come up again yet.

whatt2do · 26/10/2023 10:44

When mine were born my job involved a lot of overseas travel so in both cases around 12/13 months after maternity leave. They were with our nanny during the day and their Dad at night. Though possibly my mum came down the first trip with the first one as nanny was still relatively new. I had colleagues who had to travel with much younger ones.

To be honest I always found it easier as babies as they could be looked after more easily by other people. But once they got older it was more a case of them wanting 'mum' and them being aware I was traveling.

For a wedding of someone close enough to be asked as bridesmaid, then at 12 months, if you can arrange/afford appropriate child care I'd go.

TheBirdintheCave · 26/10/2023 10:46

My husband and I went to Venice for work when our son was nine months old. It was a wedding photography job and had been booked originally for May 2020 (ended up being Sept 2021) so not really our choice to go when we did but fun none the less. Our son was fine being spoilt by his grandparents and great aunt whilst we were gone for five days :)

JC89 · 26/10/2023 10:47

I turned down a free company holiday when DS was 2.5 - he would probably have been fine with DH but I knew I wouldn't enjoy it!

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/10/2023 10:48

18 for us. Just didn’t feel the need (no judgement on anyone else, none of our business).

Singleandproud · 26/10/2023 10:49

Personally I wouldn't. Just because an influencer did doesn't mean you have to if you aren't comfortable with it.

In your situation, if the person was important to me, I'd book my whole family on the holiday, leave them to it for the ceremony day and then enjoy a family holiday afterwards.

HowcanIhelp123 · 26/10/2023 10:52

Tbh, I'd be pissed off about attending an abroad wedding anyway, nevermind an abroad wedding if my kids weren't invited.

Want a child free wedding in this country an hour or two away? No problem, can leave with grandparents for a night or two. Expect me to fly abroad, at the mercy of planes if I need to get back in an emergency? Nope. No ta. It's also bloody expensive, I'd be attending a wedding rather than having a family holiday. Least people can do if they want to insist on a do abroad is invite the whole family so you can stay there a few days after and make a holiday out of it.

Then again I eloped so I guess I just don't understand weddings 😂

cdhmum · 26/10/2023 10:55

I've not been abroad without my children...my eldest is 9. I think I could have done it when she was about 5. Just no desire to be away from them, especially not that far.

PuttingDownRoots · 26/10/2023 10:56

DH went away for work when DD1 was 10 days old and DD2 0 days old.

But just for fun... it was about 2ish they started having nights away from me. My first time abroad was when they were 3 and 5 for a wedding.

PinkRoses1245 · 26/10/2023 10:57

I don't think there's any right or wrong answer, just whatever you're comfortable with. I'd leave with DH from an early age, but would wait long if was leaving with grandparents. I would go if I was you, and could leave the children with their other parent assuming you have a partner. Surely you're not being a bridesmaid then, if you can't go to the wedding.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/10/2023 10:59

The longest I've been away from DS who is almost 11 months is 3 days but that was a weekend away in the UK. I'd have no issues leaving him to go abroad for a wedding though.

I've never been super anxious about leaving him. He was 6 weeks when he first spent the night with Grandparents.

Sandsnake · 26/10/2023 11:18

We went abroad for a long weekend when DS was 2.5, leaving him with grandparents. Had been in the hotel for ten mins when we got the call that he had broken his leg 😱. Unbelievably bad luck. We got a flight back asap that we claimed on insurance. It felt quite traumatic not to be able to control getting back but all was fine in the end. We went back three months later without issue!

BurbageBrook · 26/10/2023 11:18

To be honest I can't see myself wanting to leave my children at any age to go abroad, or until they're in their teens perhaps. I really hate the idea of being in a separate country and unable to be there ASAP in an emergency. I would leave them for a UK weekend away maybe from 3 or 4 years old, I think. I can't imagine leaving a baby to go abroad. And I wouldn't want to.

Rocketstarr · 26/10/2023 11:29

We have had long weekends abroad from around 2 and had a full week when he was 3. He didn’t care at all that we were gone, much too busy being spoilt by grandparents and aunties! They do regular childcare and when he spends the night there now he asks to stay an extra one which they always oblige.

All depends on the childcare and how much time they spend with them/how confident you are with it. But to be left with the other parent I would say 3/4 months up would be fine for me for a weekend.

Realistically you can get home from pretty much anywhere in a day, as long as you have the funds available for last minute flights and transport and you’re reachable I don’t see the problem.

Frenchfancy · 26/10/2023 11:41

My youngest is 17 and there has never been a time when both DH and I were out of the country without her.

Possibly extreme now her sisters are old enough to step in if needed but the occasion hasn't arisen.

PinkDaffodil2 · 26/10/2023 11:45

I just went to visit a close friend in Scandinavia for a long weekend. I took my 8 month old with me but left my 4 year old Dd with DH and that didn’t feel strange, though she did miss me.
I went to center parcs (not abroad but quite a drive) for 3 nights when she was two and a half again leaving her with DH and that was the first time I’d left her overnight.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 26/10/2023 11:46

cdhmum · 26/10/2023 10:55

I've not been abroad without my children...my eldest is 9. I think I could have done it when she was about 5. Just no desire to be away from them, especially not that far.

This my DD is 2 I’ve had a girls weekend 5 mins drive away but can’t imagine being hours by plane away for many years to come….. and I’m not overly maternal or love being at home with her ( love nursery 😉) but anything on a plane is too far for me

CurlewKate · 26/10/2023 11:50

Depends who I was leaving the baby with. The baby's father, my parents or parents in law-as soon as I was no longer bf.

ElaineMBenes · 26/10/2023 11:51

DS was 9 months when went to wedding abroad. He stayed with grandparents.

We generally have one long weekend abroad a year without him and we both travel internationally for work so he's used to us coming and going.

roarrfeckingroar · 26/10/2023 11:52

I still wouldn't leave my 3 year old

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