When would you leave your baby to go abroad?

[arsol]

I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding next year and the plan is to go abroad. I won't be going as my kids will be 3 and 12 months.

Which got me wondering what age people think is reasonable to go abroad without their kids? I thought most people like me would not want to leave a baby under 1, but then an influencer I follow has just left her 4 month old to go to a wedding abroad which made me wonder if I was being precious. The longest I've ever been apart from my 3 year old is 3 days and around 1.5 hours drive away.

Interested in views just out of interest really to see if I'm being over anxious.

I left DS1 to go on a hen weekend in Miami when he was around 4 months, for about 4 days I think.

He was bf but combi fed so husband had a shit ton of frozen milk and I pumped and dumped whilst I was there.

Left him again when he was 14 months with my parents so I could do the Miami marathon.

Left both babies (after I had DS2), from quite early I think, but that time coincided with fewer trips until DS2 was around 18 months and I had work trips to NYC which we fairly regular for a few years.

Live on a tiny island in Caribbean so going away generally necessitates a flight somewhere, so DH and I have probably had more trips away without them due to geography.

There's no right or wrong way, you do whatever you feel comfortable with. My kids are 12 & 9 now so as long as I bring back a present they don't care!

I think it’s one of those ones it’s whatever you’re comfortable with, some people seem to be out with their friends every weekend or away on holidays/weekends away when they have a baby (an influencer I follow) but then others won’t leave their baby for even an hour for the first year. I had a baby at the same time as my friend and at 6 weeks she was away to a fancy hotel overnight whereas I hadn’t even let my mum babysit for an hour yet! We got married when my first was a year and we went away for 2 nights. He’d only ever stayed with my parents for one sleepover before that and it was because we were at a wedding. Any other time I had got him and taken him home. He’s a good sleeper though so I wasn’t in any way desperate for a break at night like some people might be.

If it was for a wedding and I had someone like my mum who I trusted fully to watch them and do everything the way I like then I’d probably pop over for a wedding and just stay 1 or 2 nights. I’ve only ever left my son with my in-laws once to get my hair done and felt like I could barely breathe the whole time for worrying! They don’t really have much of a relationship with my kids at all though so I was just really worried he’d be looking for me. Each to their own I suppose! Only do what you’re comfortable with, there’s no point going if you wouldn’t enjoy yourself

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this, for me it's 9 years and counting . We've been abroad loads together though so don't feel like I'm missing out. Plus I don't need to travel for work.

We've left them for the odd night away in the UK but not abroad yet - DH travels for work and has had so many delays on flights post pandemic that I'd worry too much about getting stuck in an airport for 12 hours on the way home or we'd be delayed going out and missing half of an already short trip. I think the kids would be fine whatever but not sure about the grandparents!

I went back to work when DT’s were six months old - normal maternity leave then. My job involved regular travel to clients in different parts of the world. DH was more than capable of looking after them and they were in nursery during the day.
DH and I also had weekends away on our own.

I wouldn’t go abroad without a baby under 12 months unless it was an absolute emergency.

I know plenty who have and that’s their choice, I just wouldn’t be able to relax being that far from my baby.

I will probably sound like an unnatural mother, but I was happy to leave my children with my parents when they were just a few months old to go on skiing holidays. My first son was about 6 months old when we first left him, then a few years later we left him and my next child when they were 31/2 and 4 months. In fact my youngest child was conceived on that holiday! The following winter my parents only offered to look after the youngest two ( aged 17 months and 4 months) while we took our 4 year old with us.

In self defence, my parents made the initial offer to look after the children as they knew how much we enjoyed going skiing and they were fairly young grandparents in their late 40’s initially and my 17 year old sister still lived at home to help out. My husbands parents also lived close by and shared some of the care.

Im quite shocked now at how easily I left my babies for a rather selfish reason but at the time I did not see anything odd about doing it. My husband used to work away a lot and maybe my parents felt we needed some time alone. My children were very close in age, I had all three within four years, so again, I think my parents tried to support us by having the children for a week at a time as we did not live close by so they could not help us or see their grandchildren very often.

I left my 12month old for a few nights. As did her dad when he went on various trips. If it was a good friend I'd go to their wedding and maybe take kids and dc and make holiday out of it.

I've no desire to go abroad without my children. I'd take them with me. It would be a family holiday with Mummy absent for a day if I absolutely had to go to the wedding!

(and other parent or another family member/carer taking care of them while I was at the wedding).

We've zero desire to go abroad without our children. They are 11,8 and 4. We love our family holidays and trips. When they were younger and bad sleepers I'd have loved someone to take them while we went away but no one ever offered lol.

I went away for a long weekend - a music festival in Germany, when my baby was 6 months old. He was with my husband at home, so while I missed him I knew he was safe and well. He's not been away from both of us overnight yet though (he's 10.5 months).

I don't think I will for some time yet. Children are 3 and 4 months. Baby was left with dad for 3 hours yesterday and I was worried about leaving them because I was an hours drive away. I can't even imagine my 3 year old staying at grandparents without me because they don't live nearby.

I wouldn't judge anyone who would leave their children, in fact I'd love to be able to go away for a weekend to have some space but I know I would never fully relax.

I left my son at 6 months to go away for my 30th for 4nights abroad

I've been away twice overnight from my 3 year old DS with work. The first time when he was 2. Plus a 2 weeks hospital stay but I guess that doesn't count. I wouldn't want to be away any longer than that at the moment. I'm away from him all day at work as it is

Thanks for all the responses. Really interesting to see the range of views!

I never left my daughter to go abroad without her until she was in her teens. We wouldn't have enjoyed going away without her.

Probably 3 or so. But we've got maybe 10 flights in the 2yrs since first baby was born. And 2 x 3week Europe campervan trips. First flight baby 1 was 5 months, baby 2 2.5 months. Roadtrip 1, 7 months. Roadtrip 2, 20 months & 4 months. I'd be taking children with me for something like a wedding

There are a lot of variables.

Health of child for one - DS1 had heart problems and I didn't want to be away from him until he was all done with surgeries which was 18 months. I have friends with children who are very prone to chest infections which land them in A and E who feel similarly.

There's abroad and then abroad. Paris on the Eurostar from London is faster and easier than London to Yorkshire TBH...

The capability of the person caring for the child

I left DS with his dad for 6 days when I went abroad for a training course. DS was 4yrs old at the time.

I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving him any earlier as there's just DH and myself and no extended family to help. I think if you have willing grandparents able to help out, that makes a huge difference.

17 months for 4 nights and again at 20 months for 3 nights. He was with his Dad and it was fine, I did make sure that I was away on nursery days though as I only see him for about an hour and a half on those days anyway. I think my limit would be 4 nights, maybe 5 at a push

I have only ever left my 5 year old for 1 night (away for work).
I just don’t see the need personally.

We’ve taken DT’s on holidays all over the world but also enjoy time for just DH and I particularly as we have just busy work and home lives.

My oldest is 18 & won't be coming on holiday with us next year as they'll be going with their mates instead. This will be the first time I've been abroad without them. So 18 years old is my answer!!

Background - me & kids dad still together, no family around so no one to have them if we were to go abroad. Have never wanted to go abroad with friends, a waste of my leave & I'd prefer to be with my family instead.

I first left DS with DH when he was three months or so, but more often from when he was two-ish. He’s also frequently stayed with his overseas grandparents without us.