When would you leave your baby to go abroad?

[arsol]

I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding next year and the plan is to go abroad. I won't be going as my kids will be 3 and 12 months.

Which got me wondering what age people think is reasonable to go abroad without their kids? I thought most people like me would not want to leave a baby under 1, but then an influencer I follow has just left her 4 month old to go to a wedding abroad which made me wonder if I was being precious. The longest I've ever been apart from my 3 year old is 3 days and around 1.5 hours drive away.

Interested in views just out of interest really to see if I'm being over anxious.

I went abroad with DH for a long weekend in France when DD1 was three. DH is currently abroad for a friend's 40th without me as they said they'd prefer no kids. So I chose to stay home as DD2 is 14 months and I'm not ready to leave her. One of the other mums has gone and left her 14 months and 3 year old and taken the oldest DD, which made me wonder too if I was being precious, but I've got to go with what makes me feel comfortable and not worry about others views

I turned down some nice free holidays overseas because I couldn’t have enjoyed them knowing DC were missing me. (They aren’t very close to the aunt who would do the UK childcare.)

First time I said yes to the free 4 day holiday, youngest DC was four. And was very cross with me when I got back!

After the whole pandemic thing I do feel a bit more aware that parents can poo overseas for a weekend away and then get ill/injured and be stuck overseas for much longer than planned

“Parents can POP overseas” 😬👀

Lots of privilege at play here. By that I mean the privilege of your children having grandparents. My children are now late teens and we’ve never done it.

@ElaineMBenes, in terms of disaster, if DH and I went away together and were killed, our children would not only be orphans but only have each other as they don’t have grandparents or any extended family. The chances may be low but why would I risk exposing them to such a catastrophic event? When the youngest goes to university then maybe.

Our kids don't need want or miss their dad as much as they would me. They know he's working so don't feel left out.

Wouldn't you just explain that adults are allowed to do things without children?

First time was at 9 months for work and I think it was 5 days. We did a wedding overnight not long after actually but that was just eurostar 'abroad' which I consider about the same as going to Manchester.

My job involves travel so always on the cards. I BF well into toddlerhood as well.

in terms of disaster, if DH and I went away together and were killed, our children would not only be orphans but only have each other as they don’t have grandparents or any extended family. The chances may be low but why would I risk exposing them to such a catastrophic event? When the youngest goes to university then maybe.

But you could both be killed on your way to work.
Why life your life expecting the worst to happen? And I say that as someone who lost a parent in very tragic circumstances.

*live

When ds1 was 18 months we went to Spain for a few days leaving him with my parents. It felt ok at the time.
but I haven’t been abroad without ds1 or ds2 since. That was 9 years ago! Going next year though.

I did it for a hen do at 15 months and that felt too soon for me. I haven’t been abroad without them again since (eldest now 5) and have no plans to. I think it’s a very personal thing

I went away on work trips for 3 days/2 nights from when my youngest was around 15 months. I still breastfeed (he recently turned 2) but am able to make it work. I’d leave him with my husband but not with anyone else (no family who could manage and he has allergies), so going away together without the kids isn’t likely for a good while. My eldest is 5.5 and two nights is the longest I’ve been away from her too. At the age she is now, I could feasibly do a longer trip but not ready to leave the 2 year old beyond a couple of nights.

From about 2 (once no longer BFing and they had some comprehension of what was happening) - been away a few times a year for up to 10-12 days for work, including some pretty remote locations in Asia and Africa. Kids were fine with DH.

@ElaineMBenes
Yes, but we don’t travel to work together so the chances of us both being killed at the same time is much reduced.

I, too, lost my parents suddenly in tragic circumstances. This has shaped me and I do not want my teens to go through the same thing. When they were younger, the idea terrified me! They would have gone from a happy, loving, nurturing family unit to a children’s home and possibly different foster families. It makes me shiver.

I think if you know there’s the safety net of family, especially GPS should anything awful happen, then you’re perhaps able to relax more. I’ve never had that luxury.

Does that mean you never, ever travel anywhere together?

I went on a work trip for about 5 days to the US when DS was 13 months. While I’m glad I went, it wasn’t ideal - he was fine but I just didn’t feel comfortable with it (also was still breastfeeding and was in some pain being apart from him, even expressing).

If you're my neighbour...every 6 weeks since birth!
And I'm not exaggerating, leaves him with her parents.

And?
I'm assuming the child is well looked after?

I went abroad when DD2 was 10 months, but I went on my own, so she was with her dad so I didn't worry. We're about to go for a weekend away together for the first time ever since DD1 (now 4) was born but only 2 hours away and just for 2 nights!

I think it very much depends on your childcare - if I had someone I felt I could trust completely with them, I'd probably feel happy to do a weekend away abroad now (they are 2 and 4) but I wouldn't go any longer, and I'd also be worried about them not having at least 1 parent home because of what if (worst case scenario thinker here BUT) something going wrong / flight delays, or child becoming unwell or hospitalised and you are so far away when they still need you so much. Possibly when they are older I'd consider it! But we'd have to get a nanny or something 😂

Abroad or just generally?

@ElaineMBenes,
Well, up until recently they’ve been too young to leave on their own overnight. My youngest is still only 14 so I won’t leave her overnight unless her older siblings are there.

We never had a babysitter so until my eldest was 16, never even went out for a meal or a drink on our own. Friends offered occasionally but nobody really wants to give up their own weekend evening to babysit someone else’s kids especially when they have their own young families. Nobody locally to pay either other than a few 16/17yr olds who I didn’t know so couldn’t be sure to trust them with 3 young children.

We holiday abroad 2 or 3 times a year but always with the kids.

It is what it is! 🤷🏻‍♀️ But as I said, people don’t realise what a privilege it is to bring up their kids with grandparents in their lives. 😔

11.5 months for 4 nights (bridesmaid!) I think it helped that I have a fantastic husband who is the best hands on dad ever.

We haven't left the country together without DS and have no plans on doing so yet (now 18.5 months).

But as I said, people don’t realise what a privilege it is to bring up their kids with grandparents in their lives. 😔

I agree. I understand, as I mentioned I lost a parent tragically before I had a child and my other parent has little/nothing to do with us.

I wouldn’t. Mine are 8 and 5 and have never been abroad without them.

Never! I couldn't have been that far away from my baby. I still won’t and she's almost 9

What's wrong with that?