there are many threads here preaching a 'holier than thou' message, and I want to say.........

[Psychomum5]

......I am not perfect, I am not the greatest mum ever (altho I really would like to be able to say I am), and I am also not the best person to ask for advice on feeding kiddies the 'perfect' diet........

there are many threads here stating how we feed our DC's, treat out DC's, raise our DC's, and for the most part we all agree....

but surely.....(and I speak a lot for myself here)

sometimes we also LIE!!!

I have my standards, and 75% of the time I try to stick to them, but 25% of the time I either fail, or take my time remembering and so parenting cana be a little slack in these periods.

BUT

when there are threads here, I give advice and sometimes realise that I have 'twisted' the truth somewhat in my favour......

I don;t give my kiddies as much veg as I claim at times....or at least...I find I offer said veg, just they refuse it and it ends in the bin. (Altho that is not the post I would add at times)'

I offer fruit each day....only 3 of them eat with any enjoyment, and the other 2 have suplements.

I give them chocolate every day, and icecream, and pudding (well, that comes under the icecream TBH), they have crisps too most days...........

I have smacked them (altho sinse being here more, I haven;t and even DD1 said the other day that she can;t remember me ever smacking altho I still threaten it for the 'count to three' threat. It works, as I have never got to 3...!

I even allow a take-away each week.....

Oh, and as for chicken.....no idea where it comes from, altho that will be changing soon as the taste is definatley different as I have tested

and...............I drive to school......

please tell me I haven't confessed all and am now going to be pelted with stones....

wow!!!!!

my thread has hit over 200 replies.........I think that may be a first for me.

I never truly thought that it would go on like this, but it obviously has helped some of us see that 'to be the best we can even if we trip up occasionally', is actually okay.

we all here try to do our best for our children, and a good friend of mine often says "to be a bad parent is easy, but to be a good one is extraordinarily hard", and she speaks the truth!

it is hard to be 'good', 'fantastic' or even 'the best' , and hats off to those who are and are very confident in their approaches to parenting. I will admit to twinges of jealousy about those parents who can 'cut corners' and not care.

all in all tho, I started this more cos of the day I had had with having to do a vist to a mother who is schizophrenic, and sends me spiralling into panic.......I then got slightly drunk and wanted some fun........but honestly thought that this would die a death, not turn into this fun and catharticness (is that a word?) that it has.

I for one tho am chuffed to bits that it has.......even tho I am now writing an essay.

Thanks for starting this thread Psychomum, am behind you 100%, you sound very like me. What is perfect parenting anyway? Balance is important and our DCs need to learn that for themselves. They won't have the perfect Mum with them when they are making their own decisions about food etc and I've seen enough children sneak forbidden chocolate/fruitshoots/sausage rolls at the earliest opportunity to know that teaching moderation in all things is the only realistic approach. So actually, I think that makes us pretty perfect parents anyway!

who on here declares themselves a perfect parent? i want names.
i've never in my life seen a person say they were a perfect parent on MN. the fact that people read posts and think 'oh they must think they're perfect' says infinitely more about their self-image than anyone else's, imo.
i don't really get this thread. i'm lazy and funny and short-cutty and clever and full of hugs and raising a happy child, that's fucking good going as far as i'm concerned.
i have a right to cut corners sometimes, i'm still my own person. just because i had a child didn't mean i had a personality transplant in the maternity ward. i'm just glad i missed the guilt transfusion that so many others seemed to get...

names, names.............Oh, for a name.....

Ooooh.....ohhhh, got one.......cinder-fuckin-rella!!!

Oh bugger, nope, thats a line from pretty woman, and definately no parents in that film!.

no then, sorry, no names of anyone here, altho there are many who sometimes declare themselves thus, but only as a joke IIRC, and even then, no names have stuck.!

am rather tho to have so clearly absorbed the 'mother-guilt' you speak of. am wondering whether it came with the injection to rid me of my placenta!

Aitch, sometimes I do feel that I'm not making as much effort as some people seem to on here and that I should be doing better. And yes, you're right, in my case it says more about my self-image than anything else. But then that's why I like this thread, it shows I'm not on my own. But you're also right that we shouldn't let it bother us. So a doubly useful thread in that respect.

I don't think anyone declares themselves as a perfect parent, but it does get quite tedious when you see someone complaining about someone else that they know or have seen that doesn't do something the way they do.
I don't want to pick on any particular recent threads but often chocolate/sweets and children is one of them.

psychomum you've got 5 kids and you manage to keep them from throttling each other on a daily basis, as one of 4 i just know that this means you're a great mother. just give up the guilt, that injection must have worn off by now...

ladette and true about the weirdy judgy threads vs. of course i find having impossibly low standards helps with my self-image. [great]

I don't feel guilt. I know there are lots of mums on here doing good things. That I don't do. Whats the point of guilt. Only makes you feel guiltier. Pointless.
I was just having a laff. I don't feel 'put on' by other mumsnetters who do all the things I don't do.
Sometimes I feel I have to justify myself. Not often.

Agree with Aitch. I don't see anyone declaring themselves perfect. That is just our paranoia

I dont think anyone says they are a perfect parent either but there is much implication that their way is better than others. I tend to think that most people are muddling through like me but I often get brought up short by some threads on here. Not even really the boastful ones just when it is mentioned in passing that diet coke is the work of the devil or as VS says the ones about choc and sweets etc or mentions of carrot and cucumber sticks in packed lunches (DS would have a fit if he found such items in his lunch) and then I wonder if I am in the miniority and in fact a bit of a sloppy parent? I dont allow my children to pig out but if we are out and about I will generally let them choose a treat to have after tea and this can be most days. Just want to live a nice relaxed life without too many restrictions - within reason of course and my children to do the same.

aitch.....if you had been in my house yesterday evening, you would have gone int shck at the amount of throttling I WASN'T able to stop.

it seems that DD1's PMT hit on the day that DD3 was cloned by aliens (why, oh why.......there should be a break from hormones surely....), and DD2 got in on the act just cos she can.

there was physical fighting.....(and my god don;t girls fight nasty!), and then banshee wailing when they all got turfed into separate rooms.

and as for the jab of guilt.....don't forget, 5x the jab in 8yrs makes for a looooooooooooooooooooooooong time of guilt.....I am sure my liver stores things well.

BUT.....thanks for the happy boost

"I tend to think that most people are muddling through like me but I often get brought up short by some threads on here"

Same here. And there are times when it can get you down. But mostly I just think 'sod it'. I care about the things that matter to me, and let the others fall by the wayside.

Viggo, do you get'bought up short' on threads then ?
Either I am :
on the wrong threads
too hard skinned - I think not bc I am highly sensitive
have amnesia
becasue I don't think that. when someone 'criticises' me, I go, " come on then, game on "
Is that just me ?

you know.....the only time I do feel a stab of guilt (a proper stab of guilt too) about my parenting is when I have PMT, as does DD1 & 2, and I have spent the day in an ongoing battle just trying to stop them from killing each other at the same time that the boys and DD3 are trying it on regarding the sweeties grandma bought and I have hidden.......and then I come here and it does feel as tho everyone else is handling parenthood 100x better than me!!!!

and then the PMT goes, the kiddies turn back into the angels I know I doooooo have, and all is calm and I wonder where in hell the parenioa (sp?) came from!

and then I get drunk and start something

I don't get 'bought up short' personally because I laugh and think 'more fool you'

I do get 'brought up short' sometimes. Sometimes because the things that people are getting wound up about are the things that I used to care about before I had my 3rd child. Which implies partly that experience has made a difference to my parenting, but partly that I no longer have the time or the energy to care about so many things so much. And I find it surprising to be presented with the kind of parent I used to be.

at the same time, viggo, you can't say that someone not giving their kid diet coke (i don't, but she is known to slug away at dh's full-fat version if he looks away and it doesn't bother me - better not to make a fuss about 'treats' imo) or putting cucumber in a lunchbox is setting themselves up as perfect.

you would put cucumber in your ds's lunchbox if he would eat it, you just know from experience that it would go to waste. dd loves cucumber and carrot, hates tomatoes. all it means is that she doesn't like tomatoes, the existence or otherwise of tomatoes in her lunchbox doesn't comment on my abilities as a parent, iykwim? (dd is only two, btw, i am aware that her position on raw veg is likely to change. )

Aitch, you need to start a support thread for paranoid mums!

LOL Oblomov. Am pretty sensitive and do not like rows even with people I cant see. I am not talking about threads that criticise me personally though, just ones that make me wonder if I could be doing a better job as a mother. I tend to think I am doing pretty well but I know that my kids should eat ALOT more fruit and veg and should definitely NOT watch so much TV so I feel a bit guilty and wonder if I am not doing enough for them. Dont we all?

DD loves raw veg, however she will only eat a full bowl of cocpops before school
OrmIrian, maybe it's just that everyone posting the things that make us feel a bit are all pfb, pg with my third now I know this one will have me being even more lenient.
Poor third child syndrome

Aitch ds doesn't like raw tomatoes. That kid will eat everything/anything else.
Besides, in relation to all of this, you may be forgetting, that I, for example, only have a PFB - which makes a big difference

lol, ladette. it was actually my forum on my BLW site where we've banned (at my firm suggestion) any of this 'bad mum ' crud. we had a really good discussion about it, and as trite as it is, we concluded that we are all trying our best and it's silly to undermine ourselves with casual comments that don't add anything to the conversation, iykwim?

as i said, men don't do it. my husband doesn't even begin to question whether he's doing the best for his child, he just thinks that when she winds herself round his neck when he walks through the door, that's good enough for him.

actually, it led to a good discussion about how men and women present themselves in the workplace, our ability to take a compliment etc. i think i'm conscious of it because i only have dd and i really want her to grow up with enough instinctive self-worth to avoid the pitfalls of the worst of peer pressure etc etc.

Viggo, naughty girl !!!
We could all be doing more. Lets not kill ourselves.

Aitch is right. I don't thin any of these concerns have ever even occured to dh.