there are many threads here preaching a 'holier than thou' message, and I want to say.........

[Psychomum5]

......I am not perfect, I am not the greatest mum ever (altho I really would like to be able to say I am), and I am also not the best person to ask for advice on feeding kiddies the 'perfect' diet........

there are many threads here stating how we feed our DC's, treat out DC's, raise our DC's, and for the most part we all agree....

but surely.....(and I speak a lot for myself here)

sometimes we also LIE!!!



I have my standards, and 75% of the time I try to stick to them, but 25% of the time I either fail, or take my time remembering and so parenting cana be a little slack in these periods.

BUT

when there are threads here, I give advice and sometimes realise that I have 'twisted' the truth somewhat in my favour......

I don;t give my kiddies as much veg as I claim at times....or at least...I find I offer said veg, just they refuse it and it ends in the bin. (Altho that is not the post I would add at times)'

I offer fruit each day....only 3 of them eat with any enjoyment, and the other 2 have suplements.

I give them chocolate every day, and icecream, and pudding (well, that comes under the icecream TBH), they have crisps too most days...........

I have smacked them (altho sinse being here more, I haven;t and even DD1 said the other day that she can;t remember me ever smacking altho I still threaten it for the 'count to three' threat. It works, as I have never got to 3...!

I even allow a take-away each week.....

Oh, and as for chicken.....no idea where it comes from, altho that will be changing soon as the taste is definatley different as I have tested

and...............I drive to school......

please tell me I haven't confessed all and am now going to be pelted with stones....

[padboz]

hi hazeyjane - how are you? lol at cherios - the day one of mine can't find a cherio somewhere will be the day I consider myself finished with child rearing - I haven't bought a packet in months but I bet I could give my eldest some elastic and persuade her to make me a serviceable bracelet out of all the wayward cheerios she can find in 20 minutes ... I've found them in nappies, shoes, belly buttons, hair, hoods, under beds, INSIDE cushion covers...

[AitchTwoOh]

lol at your beating yourself up about needing to be a better role model lilred, that wasn't quite what i said. if you can ditch the negative thoughts about yourself, though, it's very liberating. maybe it's an age thing, i wasn't so confident in my twenties. still amn't about some things, tbh, but i'm pretty confident as a parent.

[LilRedWG]

I know Aitch! I'm probably more confident about bringing up DD than I am anything else TBH!

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I can be fairly confident about all other aspects of my life, but when it comes to parenting, it seems there is an inbuilt guilt that I could do better! I know the snotty people are probably insecure weirdos deep down, but they come across as saintly supermums, and they scare me!! then everyone else nods along vigourously- "oh yes, you're right!! I'd NEVER let my children watch TV- its such lazy parenting!" at which, I notice we're missing Wonderpets and sneak off!!

Kind of like the relief that comes when I find that I'm not the only greedy pig that can eat a selection box in 2 days

I feel I have relieved some of my guilt today, as we went out and built a HUGE snowman! So now they can watch tv to heat up...

[AitchTwoOh]

heheh, joolsy. who on earth says 'lazy parenting' in RL? you must have some right cowish friends.

[OrmIrian]

I too find 'lazy parenting' an interesting phrase. When I'm guilty of some of the things (such as allowing TV watching or unsupervised outside play) that tend to described as such I am not being lazy. I'm usually cleaning or cooking (home-made food is generally seen as a 'good' thing I think ) or earning dosh to keep everyone fed. I never have a chance to be lazy - becoming a parent put a stop to that. It's such an lazy, unthought-out, catchall phrase.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

My friends are fab- its the other mums!! Actually, there was a mum like this in our crowd, and she had the answer to everything! I thought she was like supermum, and she scared me, then I found out she'd been on anti-depressants for PND since day 1 and was battling with feelings of not coping- hence the piety in public! I hate to admit, it made me feel better.

I agree- I HATE the phrase "lazy parenting!" I have had arguements on other forums in the past (that funnily enough, I don't frequent any more!) where it was trotted out at every opportunity and to describe anything that a particular person disagreed with.

[Judy1234]

It's helicopter over parenting you need to watch out for, not lazy parenting. I regard it as success if the children are making their own entertainment in the garden in a world of their own as I was in my childhood and I'm in here working or reading the paper. That's good parenting, not bad parenting.

[flyingmum]

One bit of advice which I wish I had known earlier in DS1s life and I discovered when he was about 7 was that 'all mothers lie' and they do. Not outright porkies but little twists. I used to wonder why all these children were so articulate and beat myself up about DS1s lack of speech (he has ASD) when I eventually (bit dim) realised that they were paraphrasing their dearly beloved's words so these infants seemed as if they had the vocabulary of 30 year olds. It's definately a knack which I quickly developed .

The next 'expansion of the truth' factor (after 'how early/quickly my child was potty trained' saga) is the filling in of the reading diary (OK who hasn't lied and written things in in different colour pen so the teacher won't suspect . . .) thing ('he's just read Rememberence of Times Past - has anyone got any suggestions for an inquisitive 8 year old') and the 'weren't the spellings tricky this week (only works with mums with kids in lower spelling group) 'Stychomothia - how do they expect them to learn that in year 3?'.

As for lazy parenting (sorry haven't read everything - too bone idle ) Well I'm on Mumsnet and the two are upstairs creating their imaginary story out of fluffy toys and naughty snake and lemures misdeads - I suppose I should heave my carcase upstairs and run a bath.

[Psychomum5]

aitch, with response to earlier and your brother.......is he the 'golden child' because you and your sisters worshipped him for being the only boy???.

I know of a friend who did this with her brother (only boys among 4 sisters), and he was lovely to other women, but to his sisters he was VILE!!!! (made me rather glad when I actually had a DS2 TBH, as one boy among sisters was something I worried over).

as for the thread....

'lazy parenting' isn;t a phrase I use....'alternative' maybe, or 'encouraging of imaginitive play', but never lazy.

I am also, at times, an 'encouraging of independence' type mum too, as the times when I need a lie in and let them get on with it testify, but then they are all getting older now and are more able to 'get on with it' than when they were tiny. I have also trained them well into making me coffee (altho that said, tis only DD1 and DD2 as yet that do the coffee).

I do know tho, that admissions from other mums that they have 'cut corners' (to borrow aitches phrase), and their kiddies have survived it, make me feel LOTS better. Not least because then I feel that they have a more 'normal' childhood if they can have something to admonish us for when they have children!!!!

[AitchTwoOh]

god no, we've rather looked down on him as an inferior species with his toy soldiers and subbuteo, tbh. he's just one of those happy-go-lucky creatures, i think. never had difficulty making friends, finding jobs, finding people to love him, he's not a neurotic character in the slightest. maybe that comes from being a young one but not the youngest, who knows?

[Psychomum5]

lol @ 'inferior species' .

you may have a point tho about him not being the youngest.

what is your youngest sibling like then??? is there something inherently different/trying about the 'baby of the family'???

I am in need of knowing as I fear we have utterly spoiled our baby to the point he cannot do anything for himself as he is "scared"...

and he is most spoiled with food too.....and with me being calmer (well, at times), and with never being smacked, and never getting railed at for many things that drove me nuts with DD1 and DD2 (when I was on my 'perfect mother' aim)

not that I was ever a smug mum....noooooo....not me......never smug

[AitchTwoOh]

oh she is totally spoiled and brattish, tbh. even in her mid-twenties. but things were difficult for her because our dad died when she was in her early teens so who knows what she would have been like if he'd been around? i think less highly-strung, to be fair to her.

[Psychomum5]

about your dad...that must have been hard for you all.

altho yes, you may have a point as a lot of things that happen in your teens that are construed as 'major life stresses' have a HUGE impact then.

[AitchTwoOh]

it was tough, yes. a terrible shame, really.

[Psychomum5]

except my sympathies. losing a parent is tough amywhen, but you must have also been only mid 20's, so tiugh all the ways round.

especially before you also become a parent, as when you do, you start hurting again I am sure.

altho also, you see traits of them in your own children maybe??.

[AitchTwoOh]

actually, not so much. my dad was really hands-on and funny and we were lucky to spend a lot of time with him, i think i'd absorbed all the parenting lessons i was ever going to from him. but i do know what you mean, it would have been amazing to see him enjoy his grandkids.

[Jampot]

we watch SHameless together as a family and even have CSI picnics under a duvet on Tuesday nights

[Psychomum5]

is watching CSI together ......bad!

oh yikes, I'll be straight to hell then.....I've let DD1 and DD2 watch my DVD's of it alone........

oops

BUT......DD1 is debating a career in forensics should her dancing plan not take off, so I may be doing the world (well, maybe not quite the world) a favour of a brilliant, mouthy CSI....

[potatofactory]

I give my 10 month old daughter too many petit-filous. It's so annoying offering delicious worthy fare, only to have to listen to her crying and have her grab the spoon crossly. Worried my weaning has reached a final full stop, I will have a constipated child who smells faintly of sugary fruit..

[KellyKateneedsaholiday]

I used to think that all these parents with their perfect children were so much happier/cleverer etc until my then 8 yr old dd went on a 3 day school trip where they all had to make their own beds wash and brush their own hair etc. My scruffbag of a daughter was one of the few who could do these things herself.
I put it down to all the extra vitamins and brain food that are in irnbru, sausage rolls and entire packets of cheap yoghurt. See ive scientifically proved that takeaways are good for children on a (too) regular basis.
Theiy are also really educated co sof all the unsuitable videos they have seen.
and we spend more time together cos im not doing useless stuff like ironing.
They do eat lots of fruit and veg though and can cook and make cups of tea and tidy up so I think we are all perfect cos of all the things our children have experienced.

[alistap]

I'd rather play with the kids than do the housework so very little gets done

we have a chocolate cupboard which is only opened on Saturdays - it gets opened first thing in the morning, and they have chocolate instead of breakfast.

they are only allowed an hour a day of telly, and it has a day off on Sundays - but we haven't come up with a limit for computer time yet, and they sometimes play on the cbeebies site for ages (esp Saturday mornings when I don't want to get out of bed)

Oops, I think I've said too much already.

[KellyKateneedsaholiday]

oh and my children go out and play in the street where i cant always see them (where they play they are always outside one of their friends houses so whoevers house they are near that parent keeps an eye on them IYKWIM)and they go out in the dark to play.

[KellyKateneedsaholiday]

I was just reading the other pages on this thread and have to agree that i always felt judged, occasionally stil do on how i parent. I have definately got more confident too as i got older although it took till i was nearly 30 and had 3rd child to feel like this. I want my children to grow up more confident than i was when i was a child and my lack of confidence seemed to be coming out in my middle child (other two are definately confident) so being more positive and appearing more confident even when i dont feel it makes me feel like a better parent. I rambled on a bit there so I hope it makes sense.

[soopermum1]

i dragged DS to IKEA, carpetright and Homebase all on the same day. Think he may be scarred for life, is sitting rocking in a corner as I type

better get him a froot shoot to cheer him up