Regretting school start

[Charlierosered]

My DS is June born and due to start school this September. He is just turned 4 and I'm starting to feel very nervous for him as he'll be one of the youngest. We were recently at a party with some of his friends who'll be in his class and he seems younger than a lot of them, he is very clingy to one of the boys and only wants to play with him. He is excited to start school and academically I think he is ready but worry about him emotionally, he will be quick to cry if he falls etc. I don't know if it's too late to defer or if this would even be in his best interests. Anyone been in this position and how did it work out? Did DC settle in school or did you defer?

Honestly it will be fine. 3 of DD’s friends (they’re going into yr2 in September) are August born and once they are past the first term with settling in etc you can’t tell.

Children flourish at different things, and the teachers know what they’re doing. I don’t think June is particularly young.

Starting school is a big step so I totally get your worries! But by October I think he’ll have settled in and you’ll feel a lot more confident. Good luck!

I have a summer born as well that is starting reception in September. At first, like you I was very worried for so many reasons. I've stopped worrying and convinced myself it will be fine. I don't even think it registers to him that he's no longer going to nursery. You'd be surprised at how quick kids adjust to change.

My son turned 4 on Tuesday and is starting school in 2 weeks, he is more than ready.

I was a summer born and just arrived from a western European country, so had about 10 words English vocabulary, and my mum had made the teacher a list with essential words and their translation (hurt, toilet, etc).
Honestly it was fine after a while, so much of it is play, and he won’t be the only one. I had an absolutely lovely teacher and TA so was happy to go as far as I vaguely remember. I have been told once my English had improved I figured I could try to fake not understanding some things still, ie stopping playing in this sand truck I loved. I couldn’t say how emotionally mature or not I was (my mum wasn’t the most invested parent let’s just say) but I made friends, close ones even. Don’t worry

I’m wondering typing this if the whole deferring summer borns was a thing at that time (just turned 33), anyway for the sake of clarity, as it happened I was definitely in the younger side of the class

Statistically children who defer reception start do better than summer born children who start school when they have just turned 4. You will get loads of people saying well my little Jonny did fine, perhaps they did, perhaps it would have been easier for them if they deferred.

It isn’t too late to decline a school place but you would be doing that without knowing if your local schools would agree to your child starting reception in September 2024 rather than going straight into year 1. It’s a risk. You could ask on a local Facebook group if the school are receptive to deferred reception entry for summer borns.

No, it’s only been around for about 10 years.

That’s a valid worry. I would make him wait a year - usually the council let’s you do so if your child is born in summer months. He would be at an advantage if he’s older, and at a huge disadvantage if he’s the youngest.

My dd is June born and starting reception in a few weeks, she was the youngest in her nursery and she’ll be moving into a class that doesn’t have any of her nursery friends in, but we think she’s ready she was over nursery and is excited to start school. I worry that she’ll be shy and won’t ask when she needs the toilet so I’m packing a spare uniform just incase, however I don’t know if the school will just ring me to get her or just help change her because obviously it’s not nursery.

He’s excited to start, he’s prepared and has a close friend who is going. At this late stage it would be too upsetting and confusing for him to say, ‘Sorry you’re not going anymore’ and taking him away from his friends and put him back in nursery where he’s already said his goodbyes. How would you explain the change of plan to him? I’ve got two summer born children (1 May, 1 August). I was concerned about my august born daughter before she started as seemed so little but need not have worried, reception is still very play based and she settled well. Several years on and they both continued to do v well academically and socially and never had any problems (now 14 and 11).

He will be absolutely fine, my eldest child literally is the youngest in class, August born. Done absolutely fine, now going into year 5. Would have been bored if delayed start

I didnt defer either of my summer borns but considered it for my first who was very young in behaviour and I thought would struggle but he thrived. Didn't really integrate with others for the first year but waiting a whole academic year would have been too long for him. My second was later in the summer but much more socially adept, probably due to having an older sibling and he struggled more weirdly. So much so the teachers split him from a friendship group he had become overly reliant on which was a huge boost to him and worked well. I think there's no way of knowing how it will go but want to reassure you that the school will have good support to manage if you do start now, I was also an August baby and started on time as deferral didn't exist in the 80s which fed into my decision as school made me more independent.

If he’s excited to start and he’s ready academically then I’d send him. Don’t change the plan now.

My DD is august born - I was so worried too and it's been fine. School has been great for her, and it's been good for her to be pushed a little bit

He'll be fine.

As you say he's excited. It could be quite a blow to him to have the prospect taken away from him.

This is about you and your anxiety. But it's the fundamental job of parenting to make yourself redundant, by producing young people who don't need you any more. Going to school for the first time is one of those times when a step along that way is a bit larger and more obvious.

Yes, you can expect that only 1/6 of the class will be younger than him (or nearly 1/4 if birthday is start of June) but the school year is set up so that it caters for the whole age range, and differentiation (based on how the DC are progressing, not just age) is heaps better than it used to be.

My son started reception last year. His birthday is Wednesday so he is about to go into year 1 but is still only 4. We have party invitations stuck to the fridge For his classmates that are turning 6 in a few weeks. I wanted to defer him, but his dad was dead against it. My friends thought I was Crazy to hold him back, and his nursery said he was more than ready. But honestly it’s one of my biggest regrets. He is so far behind his friends. He still can’t write his own name, or recognise many phonics. I know year 1 is going to be much more sitting down and working and I just don’t think he’s going to be able to cope (well, he will I’m sure but he will explode at home with violent temper tantrums where he attacks me and his siblings).

I think you’ve left it too late now, as the school need to do some paperwork and agree to the deferment which needs doing way before now. However, I have 2 June children who have got on absolutely fine so I don’t think that is particularly young… communicate your concerns with school and they should be able to keep an eye on him and let you know how to support him at home.

My son is a June baby and started school at 4. He's also very young and emotional but school helps them to build that resilience. Reception is a lot like nursery in that they don't all sit down and do book work - they spend most of their day running around and doing fun activities.
He'll be fine.

My daughter is an August baby and started less than a month after she turned 4, she absolutely loved it but some days would fall asleep in the reading corner, she’s 9 now, wouldn’t know any different. In reception there is a lot of play and she’d been at preschool since 2.5 years so has a pretty good school routine.

No one here can say whether he'll be fine or not. He might well be, or he might struggle. The fact is that you don't think he's ready, and you are the person who knows him best. The question is more that if you don't think he's ready and want to defer him, what are the logistics of doing that so close to school start?

I'm in Scotland where deferral for our equivalent of summer-born children is common (around half of children born in the 'summer' months in Scotland, which for us is January and February, are deferred). DD1 could have started school tomorrow at 4.5 but she's Feb born so will be going next August at 5.5, along with some of her nursery cohort who are also deferred. This is entirely unremarkable.

My DS was born at the end of August and has been fine throughout

My dd was one of the oldest in her class but one of the most emotionally immature, would cried at everything so wouldn't worry so much about that.

And yes, everyone on MN has bright summer-born children who had no problems and are now astro-physicists, but we know on a population level that starting school so early is detrimental to attainment.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/182664/DFE-RR017.pdf

If you go to the end, the findings are there and are quite clear. One of the most interesting/worrying ones is that summer-born children are dramatically more likely to be diagnosed with SEN, and it says: 'Explanations for the higher prevalence of Special Educational Needs (SEN) in summer-born children include stress experienced as a result of early failure generating lower self-esteem and expectations for younger pupils, and failure of teachers to make sufficient allowance for relative age in their assessments of educational need; these reasons are inextricably linked to the general trend of lower attainment compared with older peers.'

June isn't the youngest by any stretch, you've got the rest of June, all of July and August borns younger than him. Going to a party where some are older (not party child if August b'day party) isn't representative.

Will he get on better in a range where his peers are 9.5m older to 2.5m younger than him or a range where they are 2.5m younger to 14.5m younger?

My DD was an August baby and when she started reception class she was tiny compared to some. She never struggled academically, although socially she was a little more immature than some of the other girls in her class- although not all of them because there will be other children born in the summer too- it's a spread throughout the year of course.

She's just finished her A-levels now and you would not know she was a summer baby- she's far more mature than many of her friends and also exceeded them academically.

Oh I’m feeling the same. My DD and DS are two years apart and share their birthdays, early July, so it’s easy to compare them directly. She started school two years ago with no problems so I didn’t consider deferring him but now it’s getting so close I’m getting jitters. He can write his name but not sure it would be legible to anyone but me, his social skills with his peers are not great, he doesn’t play with other children in his year group, just adults or younger and he still isn’t fully toilet trained.

I’ve definitely left it too late though. He’s got his uniform, been to settling in sessions, knows the school well as has done pick up and drop offs with me. It would be too confusing.