Regretting school start

[Charlierosered]

My DS is June born and due to start school this September. He is just turned 4 and I'm starting to feel very nervous for him as he'll be one of the youngest. We were recently at a party with some of his friends who'll be in his class and he seems younger than a lot of them, he is very clingy to one of the boys and only wants to play with him. He is excited to start school and academically I think he is ready but worry about him emotionally, he will be quick to cry if he falls etc. I don't know if it's too late to defer or if this would even be in his best interests. Anyone been in this position and how did it work out? Did DC settle in school or did you defer?

Reading replies with interest! My son, still a way off starting school, is the very end of August and it’s something I think about from time to time.

I'm in Ireland where it is very common to defer starting until 5 for summer born children. My DS is July and I won't be sending him until he is 5.

I think take to the school, the worst they can say is, no.

Is Oxbridge fine enough for you? Not sure an extra year of playing would have got her much further, tbh.

My step mother was concerned about this for my half brother who was born mid July. She deferred a year for academic reasons but then when he started school he was noticeably behind socially. The first year is barely academic but so important socially. He’s now just turned 7 and still finds it hard making friends with people his age and relates much better to kids his younger sisters age because he only hung out with them when his playgroup peers had gone off to school.

My July born started last year, and was very similar at the beginning , academically fine but definitely struggled a little socially, especially with more than one child, but he absolutely thrived and his confidence and social skills have improved immeasurably.

I thought long and hard about the summer born issue, the one thing that put me off slightly was playing sports in a different group to their peers, wouldn’t have been a deal breaker obviously but I decided to chose a school carefully, one which focused on the whole child and didn’t push formal learning too soon. There are plenty out there.

It’s such an individual decision but to reassure you, I have no regrets.

He's only 4, school won't expect him to be in complete control of all his emotions. I wouldn't worry at all, if he falls over and cries they'll help teach him resilience by checking him over, reassuring him he's fine and encouraging him back to playing. I wouldn't hold him back, especially if he's excited to go.

That's lovely, but this isn't the case with OP's child it would seem

June is fine and presumably he knows he is going and has said goodbye to nursery? I think it would do much more damage to defer now.

I'm a reception teacher and they all seem tiny for school when they start, they soon settle in.

Playing with only a particular child and crying when you fall is totally normal at reception age, summer born or not.

Where are the stats for this ? It only got bought in a few years ago so I'm not sure what long term research there is.

DD is just 4 this week and is starting this year.

I'm not worried. My experience with my older one is that the curriculum is geared up to be manageable to all but the least able of the very youngest 4 year olds. Eldest was a bright older one and has spent first 2 years well ahead and bored.

DD can write her name, knows most of her letters, recognises numbers to 10. Shes fine doing her own buttons and going to the loo etc.

Ah well, in year 8 my son was at least a foot taller than one of his close friends, maybe more. There was 10 months between them in age - my son being the younger. (and another friend also at the top of the academic heap with them, was a late August birthday)

OP - my feeling is that a summer born child who is clearly academically ready for school probably needs to have the chance to go to school and build on that.

He will be fine, I was an August baby and I never felt left behind my peers. I have heard if you hold them back they can make them catch up later, ie go straight into year 1 and skip reception, or worse when go to secondary school go straight into year 8.

OP I’ve already posted upthread.

I want to reiterate as a parent of a deferred child who started Reception aged 5yrs 4mths it has been a very positive experience. My DD is technically in an ‘adopted cohort’ but is 100% in the correct year for her emotional well being.

It doesn’t matter if there are other AugUst babies who started at just turned four, settled straight in and are thriving. What matters is what is right for YOUR child!

Your child must be in education at compulsory school age (CSA) which is the term after their fifth birthday.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Surely if the trend to defer (and I mean trend as in pattern, not a fad) summer born children becomes prevalent then we will see a shift in the age of reception children.

Instead of a class of just turned 4 to nearly 5 year olds you will have a class of say 4 1/2 to nearly 5 1/2 year olds (the latter comprised of the children who deferred from the previous year).

If the problem is because the summer borns are not ready for school maybe the issue is that we are sending our children to school too young (for surely by 5 or 6 the majority of children will be ready for school). Or is the problem that the younger children in a class are always at some disadvantage by dint of not being alive so long and that issue will pervade throughout school/life?

By the end of reception you can’t tell the summer borns anymore. I went to a birthday party for a child in DS’s class last week and I was so surprised the kid was only just turning 5, I had him down as an autumn born! We have a lot of summer borns in my family and they all coped just fine. Reception staff are incredible at supporting the kids who need it most and helping the youngest to settle. I only know of one summer born who didn’t cope and the parents regretted their decision not to defer but that was a special case I think as he hadn’t ever been anywhere without his parents and his birthday was the very last day of august.

Thank you!
It bothers me so much when people say 'my Johnny is summer born and does perfectly well'
Firstly I think half of them just don't know how well they can cope so thinks their child is coping but really could have done a hell of a lot better.
Secondly one swallow doesnt make a summer.

My grandma smoked her whole life and she lived till 90 and had no problems at all. So now smoking is good ja?

Reality is from an emotional and physical development perspective, they are a year behind their peers
Has zilch to do with academics. Shall we iq test all kids and keep the ones with lower iqs back a year and the really dumb ones back 2 years?
Boys' emotional development are slower than girls as is.
Just as a side note, a lot of moms says my Johnny is now 7 and has no problems.
But a lot of the problems only start later because Johnny is really only just turned 13, but all his friends are 14 and the girls emotionally already 15 or 16, way further ahead than the boys. No poor Johnny ahs to try his best and be macho and into the girl when he really just wants to play and get bullied cause his so small yarra yarra.
Really, you can send your summer born to school if you like, no problems with that but to make out as if there not problems with it is just wrong

Instead of a class of just turned 4 to nearly 5 year olds you will have a class of say 4 1/2 to nearly 5 1/2 year olds (the latter comprised of the children who deferred from the previous year).

This is how the Scottish year runs. The oldest children in the year are the March-born ones, starting in August when they are 5 years and 5 months or so (and some deferred kids who are a month or two older) and the youngest are 4.5 (Feb born starting in August).

My DS is has a mid August birthday. He had glue ear and could barely speak. School has been amazing for him. He was young but made friends and it moved his communication on so much.

My own DD and some of her nursery peers will be 5 years and 6 months or so when they start Primary 1 (I don't know how that equates to England though; we have P1-P7 and kids don't 'skip' a year like some people seem to do with Reception year in England).

There's some interesting stuff in that document about GCSE attainment for summer borns and the readiness of the youngest in the year group to sit the exams.

People will vehemently disagree, bur I do think that we are sending our kids to school too young.
And people probs won't want to change it because it's cheaper to get them in school than nursery.

But if you look at countries who really put a lot into their education, think scandinavian countries, they school starting age is much later.

Loads of reasons in my opinion, but as an example just physically a 4 or 5 year old hands are still full of cartilage and all the bones ate not fully merged and formed.
So getting them to write is harder. Ie it is appropriate for them to have to write to such an extent yet. But we just push and push our kids. That's why the whole 'academical' argument makes me soo frustrated because there is underlying factors that needs to be in place.
A child should have good proprioception, muscle strength and endurance, Co contraction, bilateral integration, fully developed trunk and hand muscles, attention span, concentration name it. All of which you get by playing. A child with all of that in place you can pick up at 8, 9 or 10 and get them to read and write in 2 weeks. But we're hammering this into a 4 year old. They haven't got the underlying skills? What are we doing?

My daughter was a July baby, I wish that I had deferred her start. I feel like she was at emotionally disadvantage from reception right up to year 11. This might just be her and many children are obviously fine but if I had the chance again I would have deferred her start. If you think he needs longer then I would recommend waiting.

I will find them for you tomorrow.

I wholeheartedly agree.