Regretting school start

[Charlierosered]

My DS is June born and due to start school this September. He is just turned 4 and I'm starting to feel very nervous for him as he'll be one of the youngest. We were recently at a party with some of his friends who'll be in his class and he seems younger than a lot of them, he is very clingy to one of the boys and only wants to play with him. He is excited to start school and academically I think he is ready but worry about him emotionally, he will be quick to cry if he falls etc. I don't know if it's too late to defer or if this would even be in his best interests. Anyone been in this position and how did it work out? Did DC settle in school or did you defer?

Yes you CAN! I teach secondary and I can pick out the Dec/Jan/ Feb (Scottish youngest kids) kids every year with very few exceptions, particularly boys. This is why I deferred DC3 (Feb birthday). DC2 is November and back then it wasn't permitted, but now you have the right to defer until your child is 5, so would definitely do it now.

England needs to do the same as Scotland. We were in England for my older two and they started at just turned four. My five year old starts school tomorrow. He’s way more ready than the other two were. Just turned four for any child is far too young. I wish I’d differed my older two or moved to Scotland earlier!

Go with your gut for your child OP. I was an August baby and really struggled - couldn’t write my name etc. It had a detrimental impact on my confidence and therefore my educational outcomes until I went to university. Some children will fly and some will fall.

My Son is an August baby and was 4 2 weeks before he started reception....some children are 15mths older then him in his class, he's smashed it academically but struggles socially but that's down to him not his age, he was 6 of Friday and starts Y2 week after next

Trust your instincts. My eldest is mid July so started aged just 4 and looked lost all through reception, Year 1 and Year 2. Thereafter he was labelled as distracting/distractable and, frustratingly, ‘not academic’. He and his two June friends were always being told off for fidgeting and not listening and I wished we’d had the opportunity to delay him.

He has a sibling, born in June, who was ready to start school and was not classed as a naughty one. However, he is number 4 and I’m sure the effect of his siblings being around - complicated games, getting on with things, being read to by siblings, etc. - all helped with him being ready for school and he flew through the primary years without being seen as a PITA.

I think summer born boys are the ones who often struggle and, from my experience, especially those who are the eldest or only children. It’s interesting to read of the DDs on here who were fine but there isn’t always such a clear gender divide. My friend who had contemplated deferring decided to send her August DD when she was 4 and a week but within weeks she was pinching other children, had no friends and really struggled with being in school. Her mum pulled her out and she restarted reception the next year. She was so much happier and settled quickly.

My eldest's birthday is right at the end of August.(hes a grown man now) .He honestly never had any problems and was a shy little lad when he first went to school! You'd never guess that now! My youngest's birthday is end of June, and he's a bit more sensitive, but academically etc has always been absolutely fine.

I work in a primary school, and I can honestly say that the 'summer born' thing is not the problem that people try to make out. It becomes a problem when an issue is made out of it

I personally don’t think deferring a place does them any favours, they miss out on yr r and friendships are already formed during that year. My son has just finished yr r, he is a dec baby and very emotional and tearful, he struggles with this at school at times but that’s just his personality, I was exactly the same and maybe that’s just your son as well. Deferring won’t make that any less difficult

You will know your child best. My grandson who is September born was bored of nursery by the time he started school and had switched off so there are two sides. Also think about things outside school. For example if he wanted to join a football team he has to stay in the age group he would have been in so will not be playing with school friends etc.

Deferring now generally means starting Reception a year later rather than a few years ago where, if you deferred, your child went into Year 1 and missed out on Reception.

have a late summer born boy too and had the same crewing dread as September was approaching that he really was just too young - he was bright and sociable and confident etc but it just felt so wrong comparing him to the autumn borns who could all read and write and seeing how it affected his confidence expecting himself to be able to do the same. He was only just scrawling his name whilst the September borns were being sent home with reading books and doing arithmetic etc. he started saying he wasn’t good at stuff and I just felt such dread. I then read all the evidence around outcomes for summer borns and that confirmed it for me, the data is pretty compelling to be honest. At that point I felt I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing we’d had the option available and hadn’t taken it: I’m sure he’d have been ok, but it felt wrong to deprive him of that year of wart years that the rest of his class would have had, especially because covid meant he’d had half a year of early years already interrupted. In the end we rejected our school place, applied to delay reception start and despite initial nervousness about such a big decision, can now confidently say we listened to our gut (and the evidence). He’s a different child now. He is also reading and writing and doing maths like the September born kids were doing last year too and more importantly he’s better able to handle himself emotionally. Everyone says ‘they soon catch up’ but the data disagrees with this and people also say reception is a play year, but then by year 1 they’re expected to do so much - look at the key stage 1 requirements. The schools are used to dealing with summer born kids so I’m sure will be fine if you go ahead this year, but if you are in a local authority that is likely to agree it then I would urge you to think carefully about why you wouldn’t do it…. So many say they regret NOT taking the option and I’ve never heard anyone say they regret waiting until compulsory school age.

My son has just finished reception and is born at the end of august. It took two terms social for him to catch up but he is now there. Academically still a little behind in writing but not maths. It depends on the child but I honestly think if they're born say July august or September/early October they're at a disadvantage. It's not good always being the older one either and not being challenged. I've always hated not being challenged so I assume my son will be similar. I also think how he'll be out of the education system a year earlier, which also has benefits.

You do realise the option to delay start for summer borns exists for good reason, and it’s nothing to do with the parent’s anxiety. How patronising. It’s about doing what is best for your child. And if you read the evidence about the outcomes for summer borns, suicide risk, risk of severe bullying, risk of mental health issues, chances of getting into a good Uni etc many parents will determine that risk isn’t worth taking if there is the option to correct the disadvantage.

it’s got nothing to do with not wanting to let go of one’s children or about anxiety. By giving them an extra year, you deprive them of nothing.

I also think worrying about a June born child is a little bit ott - they'll statistically have quite a few children younger than them in the year.

This is true - the data shows that the children who do delay start tend to come from the professional, wealthier families.

Of course you do get 30 free hours childcare up to 100k net income pa each so you’d have to be extremely wealthy not to benefit from that.

it says a lot to me that the professional, wealthier families do take this option….

They are all different and many will cry easily, it's not just their age. Others younger will bounce right back up if they fall. It's more personality than age I think. My LG birthday is end of July. I was worried for her emotionally but she has been fine. Reception is more like an extension of nursery. Personally I wouldn't hold him back unless you think he will struggle academically. See how he goes and remember he won't be the youngest, there will be July and August babies too.

I’ve got a July born and an august born. My July born struggled socially and emotionally but so did some of the much older reception children and did fine academically. It’s all age related targets in early years and the staff are ready for not ready children. Mine couldn’t talk very well ( took the staff a couple of weeks to understand him) but he thrived as he was ready for the move up from school nursery.

I see people comment on the thread that those born June etc do worse at school but I don't believe that is true.

I have my birthday at the very end of June, was one of the youngest in the class. I always did very well at school, got great GCSEs, Distinctions at College (chose a course that suited what career I wanted more than A levels) and got a good grade on my degree. At each point of my life I have been one of the youngest in my class and it didn't make the slightest bit of difference. I don't ever remember feeling 'younger' than my classmates nor did I have any emotional issues that weren't on par with my classmates.

I personally would of hated to have been deferred and being one of the oldest in the class. When you defer they go straight into the next year so miss out completely on that first year of being gradually built up to a more academic day . People think when there child is deferred they will start reception the following year but it's not true. They basically just skip reception and join everyone in the next Yr. Where they then have the added pressure of fitting into already formed friendship groups.

I think your child will do absolutely fine 🙂

You don't believe a litany of population-level statistics from years of information gathering are true because they didn't apply to you, one person? 🤔

I know. WTH are people like?

No I don't believe it because I know many people who are summer born who did extremely well at school and didn't feel at a disadvantage being younger. I know many professional people who were born in the summer months and did not have these issues. Yes you will always get some in a group that will struggle but that will happen regardless of age and I think its more a case of the minority than the majority. Everyone saying 'all summer born children are at a disadvantage and won't do well' is hard for me to believe when I know more summer borns that have done well than those that haven't.

Maybe where I'm from us summer borns just got lucky eh 😏

nurse1989 You are completely incorrect! You do NOT miss Reception and go straight in to year 1.

You have to speak to your chosen schools and see if they will support a Reception start for a deferred child. You then apply for a school place, the LA will approach your chosen school and ask if they will accept a deferred start. If the school is willing the LA will approve (as said to me by my daughters headmistress and the LA). Your child then starts school in Reception in an ‘adopted cohort’.

When I posted earlier OP I said you will receive incorrect information , there is still a lot of incorrect information shared online and in person about deferring.

It is not incorrect information. As you have said you have to apply to the LA and the school has to accept a defferal. Not all schools do! Wether that be at primary so they go straight into Year 1 or secondary when they go straight into Year 8! It has happend to many a children who have been defered. Yes I'm sure there are many schools that do accept it and the child stays in their adopted cohort but that is not the case for everyone and it is something that parents need to bare in mind! Especially in areas where you don't have hundreds of options for schools.

Also something else to consider is if a child wants to play sports. If they are defered and in an adopted cohort they would still have to play for a team in the age group of their original cohort meaning they would not be with friends etc

There are loads of summer born kids in my daughters class. Just finished reception year. Some are five when they start school some just turned four

Teachers are used to this. They're all different in their abilities

It will be fine. He will be fine

My son is a July baby and was quite clingy to me, despite being at nursery 3 days a week, so I had the same worries, but he has done absolutely fine. X

Yes, my DC is June born too and absolutely wasn't ready last year. She's starting reception at 5 this year and am very relieved that's the path we took.