Regretting school start

[Charlierosered]

My DS is June born and due to start school this September. He is just turned 4 and I'm starting to feel very nervous for him as he'll be one of the youngest. We were recently at a party with some of his friends who'll be in his class and he seems younger than a lot of them, he is very clingy to one of the boys and only wants to play with him. He is excited to start school and academically I think he is ready but worry about him emotionally, he will be quick to cry if he falls etc. I don't know if it's too late to defer or if this would even be in his best interests. Anyone been in this position and how did it work out? Did DC settle in school or did you defer?

Deferring means your child can start the year late. There are very few cases where missing part of the first year of schooling could be in a child’s best interests.

You can request your child be permanently offset (ie taught one year outside of their chronological year group) if they are summer born.

Do not put a request in for the wrong thing.

Um, yes you can. Not all, but a significant percentage, especially July/August born boys. I and lots of the teachers I work with can pick them out with a great deal of accuracy in years 3 and 4...

Doesn't the fact that you know already know their backstory kind of influence things? They won't be complete strangers to any of you by Year 3.

That's not true anymore. Most deferred children start Reception a year later, they don't skip it and go into Year 1.

Not really. I don't pay much attention to Reception/KS1 as I'm in KS2.

It was true at one time. Certainly when my now 18 year old August born was starting school. Which I know is quite some time ago...

my DS is June born. Immaturity was only noticeable for the first year or so, and was never problematic. loads of the children who are a year older are smaller than he is though, so hes not nervous about being small.

Mine was in nursery prior to reception though, so it was less of a huge transition. There were older kids who had never been away from their parents before who were more immature and emotional. it takes a couple of years to even out.

Dd late July born .. I worried she’d struggle academically but she’s been fine. June is not that young there will be other younger July and aug born children in the year. If he’s not behind in milestones or academically I’d not defer it, he may cry when he falls over but so will some kids born in jan or nov, and he may be a little clingy or like one friend but that may not change either. Reception mostly play anyway.

I'm pate august born, I did absolutely fine and would not have been impressed if at 18 I had another year of school!

June born is much earlier. There has to be a cut off, they catch up!

@Puffalicious

Rubbish, both of mine were reading and writing before they even started at 4. Completely ready. Dd1 hated play based nursery, too disordered (she's autistic) and soared as soon as she entered structured school

Rare to find April/ May borns deferred - lots of questions! How has it been being with children much younger (ie 4 months older than the oldest children in cohort)? Is your child self conscious about it? What did you do for the bonus year? Thanks!

I agree - but the problem is we don't a system where children start school age 6, so those who choose to defer necessarily opt for their children to have (sometimes much) younger classmates.

It’s not holding them back to delay a summer born start until 5 and one doesn’t make that choice because they think life is scary; it’s arguably holding the child back to deprive them of a full year of early years education and social development that autumn borns just take for granted by being born a couple of weeks later. I wasn’t scared of my son starting school - I’m excited for him - but I had a duty as his parent to do what’s best for him, and if the option exists then why wouldn’t you take it. The policy is in place because of the clear disadvantage summer borns otherwise face. Life will have its challenges, and school will too of course, but knowing you’ve given your child the time to develop and learn how to solve problems is going to give you a far more confident and resilient child. This is what the research confirms.

Both my boys were youngest in the year and they both excelled as soon as school started.
I had reservations but holding them back would only have delayed learning and development.
let them go and you’ll be amazed!

Interesting questions and worth reading around this as there are studies - from my recollection, it appears it’s largely about 4 being just too young, so whilst being the oldest will naturally benefit kids, schools that starts closer to 6/7 (which evidence suggests secures better longer term outcomes) see fewer issues when it comes to birth month. Schools in U.K. used to start at 5 but it was pushed to from 4 when the govt 30 hours funding came in as schools wanted to be able to claim from that pot. There is zero research showing that starting school so young is good for children. All the research in favour of older. We are one of v few countries who start from 4. I heard it suggested it’s based on boosting the economy to get mothers back to work rather than with children’s best interests in mind.

Sorry but this isn’t correct - delayed reception starts mean the child goes into reception aged 5, they don’t skip reception and the guidance is v clear they aren’t to be made to skip a year later either.

Also whilst you may have done ‘ok’ and gone to college, I assume to become a nurse by your handle. Personal anecdote isn’t as helpful as reading the studies and data on overall outcomes. Not everyone who starts at 4 will do badly of course, and there are lots of factors at play. Loving interested parents are surely most crucial. But the stats are clear, you’re more likely diagnosed as SEN if you’re summer born, and less likely to get into a Russel group Uni. So yes, you could still become a nurse, but probably harder to make it as a doctor - as a crude example. Both careers are valuable and worthy of course, but the point is that ideally it would be up to the child to choose and have a fair crack of the whip.

I wish I had deferred, I will always regret making my daughter start at 4, rather than waiting

Piease dont even think about deferring your childs entry to school check that hev s entering a true reception environment with quality appropriate provision. Please also do not compare him to others e very child has some sort of immaturity. You want him to thrive then foster his happiness and I promise he will be fine and all will be well. Oh and stop worrying about academia just now. Tske care

Wr all know our own DC. My friend deferred her July born son and it turned into a nightmare. He was bored at nursery and started misbehaving and regressing. He is now in year 1 and still not the same little boy he was. Judge it on your DC and not others.

Stop worrying. Your child will be fine and if they aren’t deal with it then rather than preempt them having a problem.

I have an august born child. He was teeny tiny as he started. He got handed a 5th birthday party invitation during the first week. That kid towered over him. My child looked like a toddler.

he cried and cried for weeks as I dropped him. I cried and cried for weeks thinking he was so small.

he was middle of the pack in terms of ability until about age 8…. By year 6 he was bored witless at school and came top in the year for his SATs.

I would have literally had no idea when I dropped him off on that first day in reception that he was very academic. I think I would have put him off school for life if he’d been stuck a year below. But had it gone the other way and he struggled I would have dealt with that with the school to help him. I’m glad I didn’t preempt though. I think people who hold their children back should just see how it goes before they make a decision which might turn out to be the wrong one.

Wouldn't it be great if schools had a rolling year system, start school the term they turn 5 & that is where their first year starts, so 3 tems in reception, 3 in Y1 etc right through school. I know when I started school, you only started at the beginning of the term you turned 5. Being summer born doesn't only affect primary school, some kids are doing their GCSE & A levels but are in effect nearly a year younger than the oldest kids in the class. There could be a rolling year for exams as well. My niece & nephew only turned 16 last week, so my niece is getting her GCSE results at just 16, my nephew attends an autism special school so won't do his until next year as he can stay there until he is 19.

Lol

My son is a summer born and is now in his 20s when deferring wasn’t an option. He also has additional needs, but always seemed “young” and more socially immature than his peers, and naturally gravitated towards children in the year below as friends. He struggled at school and it was a difficult experience for him particularly in the first two years. Academically very bright but so behind his peers in all other aspects.

When he left sixth form he made the decision himself to take a year out as he “knew” he wasn’t ready for university socially or emotionally. It paid off as he’s now the older one amongst younger students and has made some great friends in what I believe should always have been “his” cohort.

If I’d had the opportunity to defer him would I? A thousand times yes. But as evidence shows on this thread, all children are different. Hope your boy does well OP.

I have two summer born DC. My DD was fine, she was ready and no issues. My DS would have done better if he had deferred as, emotionally, he has learnt that school is a place where he 'finds things hard' despite being bright and interested in everything around him. So if I had been looking to make life easier I guess deferring would have done that. However, as he has aged he has found his feet, he knows how to tolerate being unsure, embrace the things he IS good at, and he is excelling in some areas.

He is also one of the biggest boys in his year and would have looked very out of place in the year below - and that might have affected his confidence in other ways esp once at secondary school.