Regretting school start

[Charlierosered]

My DS is June born and due to start school this September. He is just turned 4 and I'm starting to feel very nervous for him as he'll be one of the youngest. We were recently at a party with some of his friends who'll be in his class and he seems younger than a lot of them, he is very clingy to one of the boys and only wants to play with him. He is excited to start school and academically I think he is ready but worry about him emotionally, he will be quick to cry if he falls etc. I don't know if it's too late to defer or if this would even be in his best interests. Anyone been in this position and how did it work out? Did DC settle in school or did you defer?

I have an end of August boy (and also a Nov girl), plus I work in a secondary school (teaching Maths). The truth is, you’ll never know what the right decision is as you’ll never be able to compare like for like! You can start them in Sept, see how they get on throughout life, then go back and defer them a year and see if it’s better/worse for them! As with everything in life, we make decisions based on what we think will be best. It is definitely a personal choice and you will always have some saying ‘it’s better to defer them, it’s the best decision I made’ and some that say ‘they’ll be fine, mine was summer born and did amazing’.
From my personal experience, my (very end of August!) born boy is doing amazing and school, going into year 3, and you definitely wouldn’t be able to tell he’s the VERY youngest in his class. I actually think all the studies (some of which have been linked in this thread), don’t show the full picture of education - there are so many variables that affect if a pupil will succeed at GCSE (and beyond), and I would argue that parental engagement is a far higher factor than when they were born.
As a teacher, I teach all abilities of pupils and from age 11 to 18. A few times in my career, I’ve looked at the birth dates of the kids on my registers to see if it looked like there was any link between when they were born and what set they were in for Maths. No correlation I could see at all.
Only you know your child and whether they are ready to start school. Those that deferred - please don’t make those that didn’t feel like they’ve damaged their child or made a terrible decision that will put them at a disadvantage for the rest of their lives. Do you ever ask an adult if they were summer or autumn born? Do employers ever look at someone’s birth date and turn someone down based on that?

Whatever decision you make, support your child’s educational journey. Teach them to listen, learn, read with them at home, take interest in their school journey (throughout the whole time at school!), support the school and don’t just assume that what your child has told you is true. That will have the biggest influence on whether they succeed or not.

My son was in a similar position and was 4.5 when he started. Although he did exceptionally well academically, he struggled socially and it's been 3 years now and he is struggling worse. But then he suffers from a lot of anxiety and is about to be assessed for ASD, ADD, & OCD.

So if I could do it again I would hold him back. He's just turned 7 and there's an 8.5 old in his class.

Great post @Melomelop . I think people are very passionate about the subject and can vocalise their own choice very loudly, dismissing the idea that others may make a different one. I joined the summer born Facebook group for a while as was weighing my choices up but had to leave because it was so one sided, completely dismissive that there are so many factors at play and all children are different. I have also seen people completely dismiss the idea of deferring though so it goes both ways.

Look at your child individually , look at school choice carefully. Some schools do play based learning all through key stage one, and do what you think is right.

Same situation with my friend last year and her son was struggling to cope. He ended up going part time until Easter. First a few mornings then gradually three full days until he was ready for full time. It was workable with her job however and the school were very supportive, I don’t know if your situation would allow for it though but maybe something to look in to. I think until they’re 5 you are legally allowed to take them out of school

It's weird isn't it? I just think school should start at 7 like other countries. 4 is so young.

Haven't RTFT.
I don't know if anyone has mentioned this as I've not read the thread (sorry no time) but if you're in England you're able to send your child in part time if you wish.

They're not CSA (compulsory school age) until the term after they turn 5. So you could send them in as much or as little as you want to / feel is best for them.

E.g. they could do half days, do some days and not others. Literally whatever combination you feel benefits them.

I did it with my dd, kept her off 1 day a week for other activities and her school were fine with it. No arguments necessary. (Wasn't because she was young in her year, I just knew I could and knew it was right for her to be able to do other activities.)

Some schools try to deter you, or straight out lie about it, some even threaten they'll withdraw the school place. They can't do that though and just need the parent to be firm and know their rights (Google for the actual legislation if necessary).

What happened to your DD?

I have an end of July born who is due to start university in September. He’s never been an alpha child but has been incredibly happy and secure at school even if very young for the year. I honestly think teachers are kinder and more nurturing to the youngest. Academically school has been easy for him, he has 4 exceptional A level grades, I suspect that may have made the journey easier.

If a DC starts age 5+ instead of age 4+ as usual, might this affect the option for funded place to do A-Level resits (or other college course) as they would have already turned 19 rather than 18 during Year 13 and funding goes up to age 19? (I haven't a clue but someone here might know).

They will start in reception not year 1 if you defer

No you can defer reception and do your whole schooling in that cohort.

Ok. Maybe it’s different depending on the education authority. In the one I work in if you defer you start a year later in reception

Do they really? So that poster who deferred her child's start until they were 5 and a half will be approaching 20 by the time they leave? I can't see that being a particular advantage amongst a cohort of 18 year olds.

Personally I am in favour of the nordic model of formal education which doesn't start until children are 7, however with my experience as mother and early years educator I would say that an extra year of learning through play won't do any harm, however sending them too early could. My son started at 4.5 and even though he was academically ready, he really struggled. He fell asleep a lot in school and was upset a lot, this ended up impacting him academically and it took a few years for him to really thrive at school. I really regretted it and wished I waited until he was 5. You know your child best, some children are ready at 4 but a lot are not and that's fine too.

Excuse me? Rubbish? After 29 years in teaching I think I have a perspective that isn't rubbish.

You clearly feel your children were fine, I'm glad of that, but that doesn't mean for the vast majority of children 4 is far, far too early for formal education. There are many countries around the world who agree. There's no need to be so defensive.

I haven’t got any advice as such but I’m in the same boat, except my son’s birthday is the end of July.

I’ve read all the data about disadvantages for summer borns - especially boys - and there’s just no quibbling with it at a population level. But I’ve still decided to send him to school in September, because:

• Another year of nursery fees would really challenge us financially especially with rising interest rates. Family finances have an impact on a child’s life outcomes too.
• He’s a very large child - he’s bigger than some boys in his nursery class who are September born, so nearly a year older. In the year below, he’d be an absolute giant. Which I don’t think would be good for his self-esteem.
• All his friends are leaving nursery. I’m not sure it would be good for him to be the one that has to stay behind.
• I spoke to the school and they seemed very cognisant of this issue. They start summer borns a couple of days than spring borns and winter borns, for example, so that they can spend a couple of days with them teaching them the ropes before the older children arrive.

I may send him 4 days a week if we find he’s getting too tired.

Maybe I’ve made the wrong decision - we might never know. And I still have moments of anxiety. But it feels like the right decision now.

Oh, and the other thing is, I looked round the reception at the school and it’s essentially an extension of nursery. It’s a couple of huge free flow play rooms with an outdoor area.

I do still think 4 is much too young to start school. But I can’t change the English education system. And within the confines of the system I think it’s probably the right decision for my son to go now. We’ll see!

My youngest is a July baby. Born 2 months premature too. I was initially worried about this but she has done amazing. She's one of the youngest but you wouldn't know at all.

She going into year 6 now and never any problems.

Reception is similar to nursey it's EYFS the issues start in year one.

Only if there are going to be issues. It's really not a given.

Yes but people keep saying things along the lines of ‘4 is too young to start formal education’.

And my point is that really they don’t start formal education until 5.

Pros and Cons of deferring and the early start to formal schooling in the UK aside, I'm convinced there's a backlash coming. Imagine heading to sixth form or college and registering you've got a whole extra year living in your shit suburb/one horse town/isolated village for a whole extra year! I'd have been apoplectic.

I just remembered- you also don’t know how spread out the class is in terms of birthdays. You might be thinking my child has only just turned 4, he’s so little but then find out that half the class is summer born. In My child’s class there was a third of the class born between June and august and the rest were pretty spread out. This meant that the teaching was squeezed to the pace of the younger ones.

This is very true! At DD’s first sports day they did the usual boys and girls races, then they did a mixed sex oldest half race and youngest half of the class race. They had the April birthdays in with the oldest half because so many were summer borns.

I hope there are more summer borns, he's the youngest in his nursery class, about half of which will be in his reception class along with new ones and ones from the other nursery class. He's doing well academically he can write his name, most letters and numbers and read about 20 CVC words phonetically which we learnt together over the summer. He does seem to pick things up which is good but no idea what the other children can do, I assume a lot could do this last year since they would have been his age then?

The problem is he knows all about p.1 and is excited to go especially as his best friend will be in his class, I've probably left it too late to try and change things now.ive got a lot of reassurance reading other parents experience of having summer born children as I don't have any friends in this position (all autumn/winter born children) so they don't really get how I feel