Regretting school start

[Charlierosered]

My DS is June born and due to start school this September. He is just turned 4 and I'm starting to feel very nervous for him as he'll be one of the youngest. We were recently at a party with some of his friends who'll be in his class and he seems younger than a lot of them, he is very clingy to one of the boys and only wants to play with him. He is excited to start school and academically I think he is ready but worry about him emotionally, he will be quick to cry if he falls etc. I don't know if it's too late to defer or if this would even be in his best interests. Anyone been in this position and how did it work out? Did DC settle in school or did you defer?

I'm a summer baby and I was really sociable and did really well academically throughout school. I didn't struggle at school, even in the early years. I have a July baby and most likely won't defer her schooling. I do worry that there might be children who are 16 months older than her though. I'm shocked that April-June babies can defer their school start date!

There are a few August born children in my daughter’s class. They are and always have been fine. He’ll be ok once he’s there and busy

Kids that defer are probably quite privileged- parents concerned about their educational outcomes not to mention able and willing to pay for an extra year of nursery to ensure that they’ll do the best they can. It’s not surprising that kids from families like that do better and they would likely do really well in their ‘correct’ year too.

June isn’t even especially young, my DD is also a June and I wouldn’t have considered it. Emotionally you get a mix too and it’s just their personality- the boy in DD’s class that cries at everything was born in January and the youngest August born girl is incredibly resilient.

It’s very late to defer now, not just the paperwork but isn’t your DS all set to go with his friends, has tried on his uniform, gone for a transition day etc? I don’t think it would be fair on him to suddenly say he’s staying on at nursery.

I was in this position with my DD, April birthday.

We had the school place, we’d attended the welcome evening for parents and she was set to start. The day she was due to start I called the school and said I’ve changed my mind, she isn’t ready and I want to defer her. I had to release her place.

I then had to reapply for the following September and contact the schools I had chosen and ask if they would support a deferred place with a Reception start. I had to attend a meeting with each school to talk it through but they agreed to a reception start the following year. She started school aged 5yrs 4 months and it has been 100% the right decision for her.

You will be given a lot of misinformation eg a deferred start means going straight in to year 1 and missing Reception, it doesn’t.

Happy to answer any questions.

He will be fine. Someone has to be the youngest. School will make him grow up fast, you will see, he will most likely be a different child by Christmas!
FWIW my friend was born 30/08 and is now a renal consultant. Always top of the class!

A June born in my sons class is repeating reception as she’s struggled so much. Her parents didn’t know about deferring but wish they had.

I think it depends on the child. I’m a very late June birthday and I’m mid-20s now. Looking back I think especially in primary I perhaps needed more emotional support than peers who were older but from high school onwards academically I did very well, was very social etc. and have done well for myself (I think).

My late June born DS was quite precocious academically so I didn’t worry about him starting school, but in retrospect he struggled socially until Y3 when he finally seemed on a level with the others. He’s just graduated and has just turned 21 and still seems a bit ‘young’ so I think that’s more his personality than his actual age. If there had been an option to defer him, I may well have taken it.

I think you’ve possibly left it too late for your DS unless the school is under-subscribed. LAs and academies have to consider allowing a child to defer, but some are more willing than others.

if you can defer and you think he will struggle I would make enquires but going straight into year one would be more harmful than starting this September
for reference I have two September born and one august the two September born a have some amazing in school and the summer born didn’t achieve but out of the three he is the most resilient and the one with the drive.
The two oldest are adults now so was no deferring when they were in primary school

Both my kids are august born. Literally turning 4 as some of their class turn 5 a week or so later when they started school. Both mine are good academically so never been an issue. My youngest is less mature emotionally but she managed just fine. She was a bit clingy now and again. At nursery (day care before pre school) she cried a lot but keeping her there then pre school really helped I think. Youngest now off to secondary and whilst she looks like she just (literally) turned 11 and not like some of her class mates who could be mistaken for 16 she’s whizzed through primary without too many issues. Holding back was never an option as she would be too academic to be a year below and at the point they started school it was a defer of reception to them join original class in y1 so no actual benefit but a loss of a year in reception.

I’d like to share our experience.

My daughter turned 4 in July 2020. We’d been in lockdown and I didn’t think she was ready. She’d struggled leaving me for nursery since the start but because of lockdown, we thought it best to let her start school due to missing so much because of Covid.

She struggled with leaving me from the start. Fast forward to the middle of Y2, aged six, and she was refusing to attend, having panic attacks and being dragged off me every morning so we bit the bullet, de-registered her and now we home educate.

I wish I had listened to my gut back in 2020 and deferred for a year as we may be in a different position now.

Academically, children tend to average out once they are at high school anyway but that wasn’t really my concern. It more her emotional readiness.

I really wish I could have held my 2nd Aug 4yr back. He’s 24 now and fine, it all comes out in the wash, but he was slow to pick up everything and always seemed behind. I really think he would have done much better if he hadn’t been the youngest. He was also very tall so everyone thought he was older, which didn’t help. But hey, everyone is different.

Join the flexible admissions for summer borns fb group and ask for experience of those local. We deferred my end of aug girl and was the best thing. Academically she’s fine but socially and emotionally she was NOT ready. I’m sure she would have coped, but why settle for just coping when she can actually be happy? She’s bang on average academically for her adopted cohort, mid range on the height but I would still say her social skills are lacking: I blame covid for a lot of that though!!

it’s not too late,but doesn’t leave you long to sort out a nursery place for next year if you did defer! Good luck. You know your kid best, and as a parent you will figure out what will be best for them 😊

I’ve posted on these threads a million times about my DS. End of August birthday, about to turn 18, deferring wasn’t an option when he started school.

Academically he’s always been fine - bright, good GCSEs and A levels.

But emotionally it’s been very hard. He’s always had plenty of friends but since day 1 he’s been nervous, quiet in class in case the big kids tease him, unsure of everything. We had to abandon his beloved Thomas the Tank Engine swimming bag in reception because the other kids said it was for babies. When he continued to be 4 , whilst the others turned 5, he was told daily that he was a baby.
Right through school the other kids have done everything before him - puberty, interest in girls, that swagger that older kids get - he was always nervous and keeping his head down.
Even now, about to turn 18, he’s had to stay in while his friends go clubbing because he’s too young.

If deferral had been an option back in 2009 when he started school, I’d have done it, no question. And his life would have been considerably easier.

That said OP, I think you’re committed now, if your son is looking forward to school. But be ready for him needing some extra support. On the plus side, June is better than late August!

My son was the youngest in his class and his best friend from reception was nearly a whole year older. I thought he’d struggle as he absolutely hated nursery but he didn’t. They offered a few of the younger ones extra reading classes for a few months and within no time he was up to speed and sailed through. I couldn’t defer as it was a long time ago but I wouldn’t have anyway. He was my baby but it time to ease the reigns a bit!

I haven't read all the comments but my DD is a June baby and was absolutely fine! About to go into yr5.
By contrast - my friends son was born in May, he's roughly 6 weeks older than my DD and she held him back as his nursery said he was 'sensitive and would struggle to settle'. So she held him back. By Christmas you could tell she regretted it as he was so bored at nursery repeating things he already knew. But it's too late now and he'll forever be behind a year with kids asking him why - he's a very intelligent boy and can easily do the homework DD gets - I regularly send a pic of spellings etc to his mum.

I think your life is your life and holding them back from things that might be a bit scary just based on their birthday might then make them forever think they can hide from something a bit scary.

I think it's best to let them go when they're supposed to.

DD is fine and her reading/writing/maths etc are all where they should be. She's not top of the class but a comfortable middle and that's fine by me x

My daughter is July born, just going into y2. Academically she's been towards the top of the class throughout, but she's much more immature than the girls born in the first half of the year, and the gap hasn't started closing on that one yet. It doesn't cause her any problems socially, but most of her friends are also the younger ones and kids in the year below. She's not aware of it, and loves going to school. I worry a little whether it's going to cause her problems as she gets into pre-teens/teens and isn't on the same level as the other girls (most of her friends seem to be boys so far), but for now it's never made me regret sending her straight after her 4th birthday.

I have one July and one August born son. They’ve both started school with kids who are 10-11 months older than them and they’ve both been absolutely fine (so far) - it’s done wonders for their confidence and I’ve never regretted the decision to send them in the ‘right’ year.

My only reservation is that DS1 starts senior school this year - he’s more than ready but he is a foot shorter than some of his peers.. but let’s face it, they all grow at different rates anyway 😊

You will get loads of people saying well my little Jonny did fine, perhaps they did, perhaps it would have been easier for them if they deferred
And yet most of them really did absolutely fine, including my August born.

This

Correlation ≠ causation

I've two summer borns, the first has thrived and at 9 is top of the class in everything, you just wouldn't know.

My second really struggles, it's my biggest regret that I didn't defer, they want to do well but really struggle and socially they are just having such a hard time. It doesn't help that there are several children in the class with additional needs who are very disruptive and my DC is quietly suffering. If I could go back I'd defer

My brother was nearly 7 by the time he could write his name and read was also a mid October birthday so one of the eldest so not necessarily to fo with age. I'm 31st Aug and was constantly ahead of the rest and apparently more mature. Although was a pain when I wasn't allowed in pubs on my friends q8th birthdays lol

Fine is pretty low bar, it's always better to have an extra year of play based learning there are zero negatives to learning through play. You also give your child an extra year old childhood at the other end.

While it might be related to his young age compared to many, it also sound slike he may have some learning issues. Have you talked to your school's sendco?

Defer. Children are in no way 'ready' for school at age 4. Countries all over the world start children at age 6 or 7. I wish the UK would see the advantages. Properly funded, great quality kindergarten age 4+ until school age, with play-based learning including outdoor.

My middle DC was 4.5, and whilst academically has always done very well, he's always been young emotionally & socially, I see it even now at 17.

Defer.