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Original poster

Swimming pool changing rooms dilemma

159 replies

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:47

Recently signed up for pool and gym membership. Got DS10 swim membership too. Changing rooms are seperate sexes.
Reception said I could take him into ladies with me. There's 2 cubicles in ladies change but most ladies just get dressed at the benches/lockers.

I've taken him alone twice so far and taken him into ladies changing. I go in first and make sure nobody naked, I post him into a cubicle and get him out when it's safe. Last time we went I saw a sign that said no boys over 7 allowed in ladies changing.

He won't go in men's changing on his own and I don't want him to either.

There's toilets he can change in near reception but he'd still have to go through one of the changing rooms to reach the pool.

What would you do? Does anyone have any thoughts about how we can do this? His dad came once so that was fine as he was with him, but it's going to be me and DS alone mostly at pool. The men's changing have no cubicles.

He's an awkward age where he's still wee but too big to be in ladies...

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FionnulaTheCooler · 31/07/2023 16:50

Why won't he use the male changing room? He is a bit old to still be using the female facilities, he will be hitting puberty soon.

GreenWheat · 31/07/2023 16:50

He is plenty old enough to use the men's. You can't take him into the ladies. My boys were in the men's from age 8.

LolaSmiles · 31/07/2023 16:50

At 10 I'd say he was too old to be in the ladies changing.

Girls of his age have the right to get changed without a boy their age being in the changing rooms. Equally I understand why a parent wouldn't want to send their 10 year old boy in the men's alone.

If I knew I had a son that age then I'd make sure I got a membership to somewhere that had a family changing area.

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IDontDrinkTea · 31/07/2023 16:51

Either you need to insist he uses the men’s, or you need to find an alternative gym to be a member of where they have family changing

ButtOutBobsMum · 31/07/2023 16:51

Sorry I agree with PP. Your DS is old enough to get changed on his own in the men's changing rooms.

If neither of you can tolerate this maybe join a gym with family changing?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/07/2023 16:52

He’s 10! Why on earth won’t he use the men’s changing room?! He’s far too old to be using the women’s changing room.

my 11 and 8 year old use the men’s room. My 6 year old is starting to make noises about not getting changed in the women’s (and if I’m there will all the kids he is supervised to get changed by the 11 year old now).

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:52

Did they go into the men's on their own at that age?

OP posts:
Bsmirched · 31/07/2023 16:52

I'm sorry but at 10 he should be changing in the men's changing room. Every ladies' changing room I've used has the rule that children over (at the most) 8 should be in their appropriate changing room.

SweetPotatoAndPeanutStew · 31/07/2023 16:52

I'd be mightily pissed off if a 10 year old boy was allowed in the female change

MissAtomicBomb1 · 31/07/2023 16:53

He's definitely more than a wee bit big for the ladies!
Boys over 8 are not usually allowed in the changing room of the opposite sex at most places I've been. My son is 11 and has been using the mens changing rooms for a couple of years now.
I think using the the loo to change then just walking through the mens to get to the pool sounds like a good solution.
The risk to him is small and doesn't outweigh the dignity and privacy of women and girls. If it's something you're still not comfortable with then maybe take him when your DH is there to go in with him.

ButtOutBobsMum · 31/07/2023 16:53

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:52

Did they go into the men's on their own at that age?

My DSs were going on their own from about the age of 7 or 8. Can't remember exactly.

tilestoclean · 31/07/2023 16:53

He's 10!! Next year he will be at secondary school. How would you feel if girls starting coming into the boys changing room at school or vice versa? My son has been using the men's toilets alone since he was about 7 and no way would he come anywhere near a female changing room or toilet now. It's all part of learning some independence. You need to insist he uses the men's.

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/07/2023 16:54

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:52

Did they go into the men's on their own at that age?

At what age? 10? Yes. My 11 and 8 year old change completely in the men’s changing room now. The 6 year old does sometimes.

SweetPotatoAndPeanutStew · 31/07/2023 16:54

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

None of that makes it ok for him to use the female change

gogomoto · 31/07/2023 16:55

Can't he change in the toilet in the mens changing room? Most places are over 8 you change in your sex's changing room

YallaYallaaa · 31/07/2023 16:55

IDontDrinkTea · 31/07/2023 16:51

Either you need to insist he uses the men’s, or you need to find an alternative gym to be a member of where they have family changing

Yup.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/07/2023 16:56

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

Then you need to stop going and find somwhere with unisex / family changing.

I imagine there are girls who are in the correct changing room who don’t want him there either.

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:56

I make sure nobody is in there or changing. It's quite a quiet place so it's rare someone else would be in there at same time as us.

But I can see from the replies now. He is the youngest of several children so maybe I just view him as younger.

OP posts:
booktokbear · 31/07/2023 16:56

Def mens I'm sorry, but you can help him with changing by putting his togs on before he goes so he just needs to get the rest of his clothes off.

Then you can get a big hooded towel/robe that he could put on and change under if he feels uncomfortable. My son used this when he went with school.

Fwiw my son went on his own into the mens from 8/9. He's 11 now and would be mortified if I asked him to go in the ladies!

ArcticSkewer · 31/07/2023 16:56

Are you joking?

He absolutely cannot go into the women's changing rooms.

MissAtomicBomb1 · 31/07/2023 16:57

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

Unfortunately it's something he will need to get used to - he'll be at secondary next yr.
Maybe he could put his shorts on at home. At least then he's only got to quickly pop them off after his swim. Perhaps get him a dry robe he can just throw on quickly.

Whinge · 31/07/2023 16:57

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:56

I make sure nobody is in there or changing. It's quite a quiet place so it's rare someone else would be in there at same time as us.

But I can see from the replies now. He is the youngest of several children so maybe I just view him as younger.

If it's quiet then surely there's also a good chance the mens changing rooms is also going to be empty.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 31/07/2023 16:57

Agree totally with those saying he is too old.
on a practical note if you’re uncomfortable he could perhaps arrive at the pool with swimwear under his clothes so no need for changing as such.
After swimming he could have a hooded towel and change underneath it, just swap swimwear for underwear. He can shower at home.

at our hotel gym there is family changing but it’s not as spacious as the ladies so we often see mothers bringing boys that certainly look over 7 years (the cut off) into the female changing area - which is very inconsiderate imo.

greenspaces4peace · 31/07/2023 16:57

TEN, did I read that right a ten year old son going with you in the ladies…willingly…
Sorry it’s a no from me, ten year old girls have their menses and get along with life your precious baby can change somewhere else like the men’s.
You’ve slacked off as a mom, honestly has he not seen other mens genitals? Urinal school shopping center?
Don’t stare, report any assault.

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