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Original poster

Swimming pool changing rooms dilemma

159 replies

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:47

Recently signed up for pool and gym membership. Got DS10 swim membership too. Changing rooms are seperate sexes.
Reception said I could take him into ladies with me. There's 2 cubicles in ladies change but most ladies just get dressed at the benches/lockers.

I've taken him alone twice so far and taken him into ladies changing. I go in first and make sure nobody naked, I post him into a cubicle and get him out when it's safe. Last time we went I saw a sign that said no boys over 7 allowed in ladies changing.

He won't go in men's changing on his own and I don't want him to either.

There's toilets he can change in near reception but he'd still have to go through one of the changing rooms to reach the pool.

What would you do? Does anyone have any thoughts about how we can do this? His dad came once so that was fine as he was with him, but it's going to be me and DS alone mostly at pool. The men's changing have no cubicles.

He's an awkward age where he's still wee but too big to be in ladies...

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wutheringkites · 31/07/2023 17:17

Would a dry robe work? He can just put it on and get in the car.

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:18

ArcticSkewer · 31/07/2023 16:56

Are you joking?

He absolutely cannot go into the women's changing rooms.

I know he cant. That's why I'm asking for help!

OP posts:
MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 31/07/2023 17:19

He's 10, he needs to be in the men's changing rooms or you will have to find somewhere else where you can have family changing rooms.
I used to go by myself around 8. We used to have family changing prior to that.
It was my dad that took me swimming so it would be inappropriate to go into a men's changing room and at that age I wanted my own privacy.

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CurlewKate · 31/07/2023 17:21

Sorry-he needs to go to the men's. He's 3 years over the age for using the women's. Maybe his dad can take him a few more times to get him used it it?

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:22

greenspaces4peace · 31/07/2023 16:57

TEN, did I read that right a ten year old son going with you in the ladies…willingly…
Sorry it’s a no from me, ten year old girls have their menses and get along with life your precious baby can change somewhere else like the men’s.
You’ve slacked off as a mom, honestly has he not seen other mens genitals? Urinal school shopping center?
Don’t stare, report any assault.

@greenspaces4peace No I don't think he ever has seen a man's genitals.

I don't understand how I've slacked off as a mum because my son has seen a man's genitals, are you for real?

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 31/07/2023 17:22

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:18

I know he cant. That's why I'm asking for help!

Show quote history

But you've already taken him in there twice??
I'm pretty horrified tbh.

The solution is that he goes in the mens.

DuckIings · 31/07/2023 17:24

I'm with you, OP. I feel 8 and 9 is way way to young for boys to be in the men's changing rooms alone, 10 is still young imo. Luckily where we are, our local pool has family changing rooms. Our local outdoor pool, however, does not. My son, last year aged 10 went in the men's changing rooms. One small communal shower room, he said all the men shower naked, and he's only marginally above eye height to their genitals/ass areas. He doesn't like to see that. So the next time, I took a bottle of warm water and washed him down outside by the pool, then showered properly at home.
I'd far rather a tween boy was in the showers with us, than stuck with grown men when he's just a small defenceless boy.

Ideally, all swimming pools should have family changing rooms.

ihatetosayit · 31/07/2023 17:25

If he says he's a girl he will be let straight in.

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:27

ArcticSkewer · 31/07/2023 17:22

But you've already taken him in there twice??
I'm pretty horrified tbh.

The solution is that he goes in the mens.

Show quote history

@ArcticSkewer

Yes I've taken him in there twice, making sure he didn't see anyone and nobody saw him. I am meaning I am asking for roundabout ways I can take him swimming without him going in ladies or men's changing. Something like the poncho suggestions etc was very helpful. Not attacking me. You must be perfect x

OP posts:
yogasaurus · 31/07/2023 17:28

The sign says no children over 7 for a reason; that’s the age they have to use their own sex rooms. What other solution are you expecting?

This is pretty standard? DC’s swimming lessons are from age 8.

Clymene · 31/07/2023 17:28

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

How do you know?

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:30

AsterixAndPersimmon · 31/07/2023 17:13

How does he cope at school when they go swimming?

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They don't go swimming and if they did he'd be changing with boys not grown men so I don't think he'd be bothered.

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 31/07/2023 17:30

@Canyoumakemeporridge so no dad, uncle or grandfather in his life?

Sylvaniandream · 31/07/2023 17:31

Send him into the changing room in his trunks, sliders and a poncho towel/dry robe, and meet him back in reception in the same (just damper!)

greenteaandmarshmallows · 31/07/2023 17:32

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

I see the problem. Hmm.

Perhaps a different swimming pool. I'm surprised they don't have cubicles

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:33

wutheringkites · 31/07/2023 17:17

Would a dry robe work? He can just put it on and get in the car.

@wutheringkites yes I'm thinking along those lines thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:34

greenspaces4peace · 31/07/2023 17:30

@Canyoumakemeporridge so no dad, uncle or grandfather in his life?

Yes but he's not ever seen them naked. ???

OP posts:
Upsetrethis · 31/07/2023 17:36

Do you have other kids ? My 9 and 11 year old boys go into the men’s changing rooms together . I actually can understand how you feel , 10 is still very much a child and I wouldn’t care less if a mum brought in her 10 year old boy in so I’d ignore any pretend “outrage “ nonsense on here.

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:36

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 31/07/2023 17:15

Oh god, I hated this. DS is now in his teens, so it hasn't been a problem for a while, but we had the same set up at the gym where the dc had their swimming swimming lessons. . He's also always been tall, and by 8 I could no longer really have him in the ladies - even if he changed in a cubicle he had to walk through the communal changing rooms to get to the pool. When he went for lessons he used to go into the men's to get changed with his friend, but this didn't really alleviate many concerns. DH rarely came with us (he can't swim and worked on Sat mornings when the dc swam). Obvs if he did, the changing thing was ok. But if we went for a "fun" swim without DH there were so many concerns - dc alone with strangers - naked strangers too; unaccompanied by the side of a swimming pool / in contravention of the gym's own rules! (the M and F changing rooms were miles apart from each other, and both led directly to the pools, so no way of intercepting ds once he'd got changed). And that was assuming that he got changed and locked his stuff away properly.

I was constantly talking to the gym manager about this and the associated safeguarding issues. He told me I knew the rules when I joined. I told him they were discriminating against children whose main carer was the opposite sex..... they only took my concerns seriously when DS and his friend came out of the changing rooms crying their eyes out one day. We never did get to the bottom of that, and several years later DS has no memory of it.

As it happened - apart from the incident above - ds always did manage to lock his stuff away, sit nicely by the pool waiting for me and DD, and wait nicely in the reception area after his lesson without legging it out into the car park, but it was always a worry.

There was some talk of turning a barejy used soft play area into family changing, but then they didn't reopen after Covid.

I don't now what the answer is @Canyoumakemeporridge, but I hear you!

Thank you xx @IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

OP posts:
Justgowillya · 31/07/2023 17:36

I completely understand your apprehension, I was anxious re my son going into male changing rooms alone. I had watched a documentary about police monitoring men who wait for unaccompanied boys in male toilets and was spooked for many years!! Fortunately for us the changing rooms of the local leisure centre are unisex and have lockable cubicles.
Your son is still only a young child, I would take my lead from the receptionist and if any women complain then reassess. He will probably decide himself sooner rather than later that he doesn’t want to go into the ladies changing rooms.

Firsttimecaller · 31/07/2023 17:37

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

Dad needs to go with him next couple of times to teach him how to change under a towel or robe and make him comfortablein the mens'. It's a life skill to get in and out of clothes discreetly (eg at a beach). My DD was taught from a young age to have awareness who is in the room, not to be full frontal facing the door, undress and dress one half the body at a time.
I also wrote multiple complaints to the council leisure management about boys over 8 wandering around and looking under cubicle doors in family change. My point being it's never really private and you just have to adjust your behaviour for worse case!

Upsetrethis · 31/07/2023 17:38

He’s 10 @ArcticSkewer , he absolutely can. And the op sounds totally clued in a respectful.

Bernadinetta · 31/07/2023 17:39

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:34

Yes but he's not ever seen them naked. ???

Show quote history

Has he seen you naked?

You say he’s the youngest of other children, is he your objt boy?

Original poster
Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 17:40

Clymene · 31/07/2023 17:28

How do you know?

Show quote history

@Clymene do you mean how do I know that's why he doesn't like the men's?

Because he told me.

If you mean how do I know how the men's room looks, that's because my husband told me. But he can't come very often. It's mostly me taking DS alonem

OP posts:
Bernadinetta · 31/07/2023 17:40

Canyoumakemeporridge · 31/07/2023 16:54

He doesn't want to use the men's changing because it just a room with benches, no cubicles. He doesn't want to change in front of men or see men changing.

Doesn’t want to see men changing but ok to see women changing?