Swimming pool changing rooms dilemma

[Canyoumakemeporridge]

Recently signed up for pool and gym membership. Got DS10 swim membership too. Changing rooms are seperate sexes.
Reception said I could take him into ladies with me. There's 2 cubicles in ladies change but most ladies just get dressed at the benches/lockers.

I've taken him alone twice so far and taken him into ladies changing. I go in first and make sure nobody naked, I post him into a cubicle and get him out when it's safe. Last time we went I saw a sign that said no boys over 7 allowed in ladies changing.

He won't go in men's changing on his own and I don't want him to either.

There's toilets he can change in near reception but he'd still have to go through one of the changing rooms to reach the pool.

What would you do? Does anyone have any thoughts about how we can do this? His dad came once so that was fine as he was with him, but it's going to be me and DS alone mostly at pool. The men's changing have no cubicles.

He's an awkward age where he's still wee but too big to be in ladies...

Something like this:

Osprey Kids Hooded Poncho Towel amzn.eu/d/ewJAPF2

I have a 5 yo DD and the idea of a 10 yr old male being in a changing space she is using makes me very uncomfortable! As everyone has said he needs to use the men's or you need to find a pool with alternative provision.

It is an awkward age. But its not fair on girls for him to be in there, in the same way he feels uncomfortable in the men's.

This is how the women and girls feel when he’s in their space.

I’d find a different centre.

I love kids, but 10 is too old for him to be in the women’s changing rooms. And he’ll soon feel that as well!

@booktokbear
absolutely that’s a nice garment. And if the child is active and likely to continue with swimming and other activies as he gets older - dofe, camping etc something like that will be extremely useful and worth spending on.

My ds10 has an adult sized poncho towel from salt rock that he wears to change under on the beach. He also goes beach ready with his trunks under his clothes.

At ten?! Is this a wind up?

If you don't think he'll be safe in the men's changing room then you need to join a different gym.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I hadn't thought of it from the other ladies perspective, because of the way it's laid out and how quiet it is he hasn't actually seen anyone else or been seen by anyone else in there.

I wasn't really asking for opinion on if it was fine to take him in the ladies. I know it's not. I'm asking for round about ways, like the poncho idea was great thank you.

It was only cause the receptionist said it was fine on seeing him that I even considered it.

Can he not change in a loo and walk through the mens to get to the pool? Robe after to leave quickly and change at home or back in the loo.

I'm surprised a 10 year old would be happy to go with his mum into the ladies and I'd be very unhappy to see him in there, particularly if my 10 yr old dd was with me.

We're not in England so he still has 2 more years before secondary, but that's not the point

I would not mind a 10 year old boy in the changing rooms. He's a young boy of primary school age. He'll be safer in there and who is going to be worried about a 10 year old being in the same changing room as them?

Good point about men's being quietx

who is going to be worried about a 10 year old being in the same changing room as them?

It's not about being worried. Single sex changing rooms exist for a reason, which is to protect the privacy of both sexes.

Of course he should use the men's.

Both of mines did.
I would expect a 10yo to be independent enough to get changed and join me afterwards. Just like they would when they get changed fur PE or swimming at school.

How do you get to/from the pool? In a car?

DD(16) is a swimmer and, for several months the changing rooms were closed (including over winter, which was annoying).

She changes into her kit and pops a hoodie and tracksuit bottoms/shorts over the top. She rarely bothers to change, having got used to not being able to over lockdown. She towels off using one of those microfibre towels and pops clothing over the top (she doesn't have to walk home far).

Lots of the kids go home by car in sliders, beach robe/dry robe and sit on a towel. In cooler months they pop on a fleece lined bobble hat.

A 10 year old shouldn't be in the ladies (most pools insist that they move by the time they are 8).

Girls of a similar age who don't want to change in front of boys. They have a right to privacy too.

My DD had school swimming at 5yo and they used the correct changing room then.

How does he cope at school when they go swimming?

My son won't use men's changing rooms. He's 12 but autistic and easily overwhelmed.

He just gets out and drys off as best he can pool side. Throws on a thick poncho and takes my car keys and sits in the car until I'm all ready. He only wears swim shorts so not soaking wet. It works for us.

Trunks on under his clothes so he can just take them off and be ready at the side of the pool, a dry robe or towel poncho for afterwards then he can get dressed at home.

That's what DD aged 9 does because she doesn't like the pool changing rooms and it's only a few minutes drive home.

Adult women probably wouldn't care but girls around his own age probably would. There's a reason most schools separate the sexes for changing for PE from around 8 years old, its not that uncommon for girls in particular to start developing around that age. He needs to use the correct facility for his sex whether he likes it or not.

Oh god, I hated this. DS is now in his teens, so it hasn't been a problem for a while, but we had the same set up at the gym where the dc had their swimming swimming lessons. . He's also always been tall, and by 8 I could no longer really have him in the ladies - even if he changed in a cubicle he had to walk through the communal changing rooms to get to the pool. When he went for lessons he used to go into the men's to get changed with his friend, but this didn't really alleviate many concerns. DH rarely came with us (he can't swim and worked on Sat mornings when the dc swam). Obvs if he did, the changing thing was ok. But if we went for a "fun" swim without DH there were so many concerns - dc alone with strangers - naked strangers too; unaccompanied by the side of a swimming pool / in contravention of the gym's own rules! (the M and F changing rooms were miles apart from each other, and both led directly to the pools, so no way of intercepting ds once he'd got changed). And that was assuming that he got changed and locked his stuff away properly.

I was constantly talking to the gym manager about this and the associated safeguarding issues. He told me I knew the rules when I joined. I told him they were discriminating against children whose main carer was the opposite sex..... they only took my concerns seriously when DS and his friend came out of the changing rooms crying their eyes out one day. We never did get to the bottom of that, and several years later DS has no memory of it.

As it happened - apart from the incident above - ds always did manage to lock his stuff away, sit nicely by the pool waiting for me and DD, and wait nicely in the reception area after his lesson without legging it out into the car park, but it was always a worry.

There was some talk of turning a barejy used soft play area into family changing, but then they didn't reopen after Covid.

I don't now what the answer is @Canyoumakemeporridge, but I hear you!

My boys were both using the men's changing long before age 10. He's too old to be in the woman's and his presence is likely to be making people feel uncomfortable.

You need to work with him to build his confidence to be able to change independently. Chat though different scenarios and what he should do e.g. if locker key won't work or someone make him feel uncomfortable.

Thank you! :-) This was the kind of help I was looking for, rather than judgement about something I was asking help about doing a different way 😭

We drive there. I was thinking he could put clothes over wet shorts or something and sit on a towel and shower once home. . It's more the changing after that's the issue than beforehand. Thanks again x

Thank you x