Baby changing room etiquette

[Orange53]

Two questions:

1. If you’re changing one child in a public changing room and the room contains two changing stations and a sink (nothing else) and the door is lockable, do you lock it? (assuming there’s no one else waiting while you’re there and you’re using it for a standard nappy change taking about 3-5 mins)
2. If you’re waiting for the room because another mum has locked it, do you say anything to her about why she locked it when she comes out?

Yes I’d lock the door and I would be pretty annoyed if someone questioned why. Changing a nappy is an intimate and private thing and I don’t want to do it in front of strangers.

I would never lock it. Other people need access too. Our changing room has about 5 nursing cubicles and one change table, as well as a toddler play area that's fenced. I wouldn't stop people making use of the facilities they need for their own baby care.

I always assumed the two changing tables were for twins. It’s hard to change one and the doors are rarely big enough for double buggies.

So I would have locked the room I think (it’s a long time ago).

How do you know what’s happening behind a locked changing room door though? 😂

I wouldn't lock it. Nor does it take two people to change a 3 month old.

Would only lock it if there was a reason that I felt unsafe, which I don't think ever happened. If there's two, then I'd say definitely not etiquette to lock it, think of how your wife would feel if she was the one on the outside. Think of it as locking the door to all the toilets rather than just the cubical.

But also if your wife is struggling, then other mums can be quite supportive while you bond over nappy changes, especially explosive ones ! I've had lovely conversations while changing babies in a room together.
I've also changed other people's babies (while mine stayed in the buggy) and fed them while they nipped to the toilet/had a little cry/sat down etc when the mum has looked like they're struggling. I'm sure some of the people on here will have hysterics at the thought.
I also once caught a baby who chose (as they do) to do their first rollover as mum turned to put the nappy in the bin.
I found a toddler group through a discussion at a changing room, and I also found a piano teacher for my older one.

The casual conversation while both mums are getting on with it can be really helpful. "No my older one didn't sleep through the night until they were 8 months. Don't worry, it isn't you." "Mine is still refusing to eat any vegetables..." etc. You find that those worries you think are your fault, most mums have them.

If she says "hi" to the other mum when she comes in, then if the mum seems happy to talk asks a question or two then a conversation starts. And if she's worried about it, no no one will be judging her for her skill in nappy changing! We've all had the wrigglers, the wee over all the clothes-then a follow up one when you're not expecting over the spare clothes, the poo up the back (and down the legs etc), found we've come out without enough spare nappies or wipes, the change then they immediately fill the new nappy as you pick them up etc

The other mum could have been just as anxious and thinking she was doing it all wrong too and panicking she had a potential poonami incident and unsurprisingly a bit cross she couldn't have access to an empty baby change because someone else was being inconsiderate of other parents when you are all in the same boat, it shouldn't surprise you that you are not the only anxious parents out there.

It was your first trip out, hopefully subsequent ones will be easier as learn as you go along. And if you are struggling to change your baby there is nothing wrong with admitting it to the other parent sharing the space something like "still trying to get the hang of these tabs on the nappies! I think I need a roll of duct tape to keep it on!" (or similar). I have cried in a nappy changing before, and met other parents who have been having a tough time, everyone is pretty supportive normally and share hints and tips.

Just abrasive for the sake of it. The OP didn’t ask for opinions on how many people it takes to change a nappy. They said their wife is going through PNA so perhaps they wanted a bit of support or a chat…It’s not remotely relevant, or anyone else’s business.

OP, neither of you did anything wrong.
i would definitely lock the door as I feel my child deserves privacy when having a change. The same as I like privacy when I use the loo, I would be very miffed at someone reacting with anger to that as well.

I personally think that the lock is mostly for things like a parent who is changing a baby while trying to make sure a toddler doesn't run away or who needs to change themselves as the poo has escaped onto them.

If there are two tables, it is clearly designed to be multi-use so I do feel it is poor form to lock the door unless one of the above applies.

Remember the woman who was cross might be just as anxious and new to outings as you / your wife...

You have said there were other changing areas within five minutes. If they were single use, perhaps you should walk on to them in future? It might make outings easier for you?

What's with the comments about 2 people changing? Its lovely the parents are doing things with their baby together.
It comes across like those questioning there being 2 people changing are just bitter because they were left to do everything alone.
I hope you and your wife are ok OP. It is hard navigating being a new parent but it does get easier. There will always be conflicting opinions on everything but it will get easier as your confidence grows.

I imagine the other mother had a rather urgent need to change her baby. If there are stations for two, don't lock it. It's selfish. You don't know the urgency of another person's need to change a baby.

Peeing in the sink is not a reasonable solution to this problem though.

Yes I would lock it, my child deserves privacy too.
Actually find it strange there are 2 in one room in a public space.

What example have you of an urgent need? Even a poosplosion can wait 3-5 minutes!

If there were 2 stations I wouldn't lock the door. Tbh I don't think I'd lock it if there was only one station. Would you lock it if there were 3 or 4 stations?
Yes, I might ask why you had locked me out. I'm unsure now how long it takes to change a baby but it seems a bit selfish to lock people out because you wanted the room to yourself.
Not sure what I'd say if confronted. I'm struggling to imagine being in yhis situation

I feel like I’m the only person that’s never seen these changing rooms.
In 6 years I’ve only ever come across a single change unit, usually with a toilet in, or a communal change room with 3+ units. The single change unit rooms have a lockable door and I’ve always locked them, as has everyone else I’ve gone in after.
The communal ones didn’t even have a door, never mind a lockable one. It was a little corridor and then round the corner into the room, they often have comfy chairs for feeding too.
I think I’d probably lock the door out of habit and wouldn’t bat an eyelid at anyone else that did. I can’t imagine getting that worked up over changing a nappy though. I’ll happily change her in the boot of the car, in he pram (when she was smaller) or just across my knee.

That sort of set-up is pretty rare so I think you can reassure your partner it’s not going to be a frequent issue. I don’t think I ever went into that sort of cubicle. There was one farm park with multiple stations but there were like 4 so it was obviously a group changing station.

I actually think 3/6 months is one of the trickiest times when out and about in terms of changing. At that age mine had terrible poonamis until they started solids. There was something about the car seat that seems to promote large poos that went up their backs 🤢.You so just get better at dealing with them calmly- first few times are just a bit stressful. Making sure you always have a change, enough wipes etc can just help make things easier and is the one thing you can control.

Seems odd to lock the door when there is clearly two changing stations and you're only using one

Selfish comes to mind

Because her friend who was sat outside said sorry it’s busy, my friend is just breastfeeding her baby in there. Half hour later it was still occupied and I just had to try changing my baby on the side of the sink in the women’s toilets.

You think another parent changing their child is going to be viewing your child's private parts? Really?

They'll be too busy sorting their own kid out.

Does your child go to nursery?

There are all sorts of reasons why I might or might not lock a room like that to nappy change.

I would never, however, have the bad manners to demand to know why someone else had chosen to, not least because I am not so lacking in imagination to speculate myself, privately.

I'm afraid very bad manners are endemic. Your wife has simply encountered one of many people who have no idea how to conduct themselves in public. Please encourage her from me to let it roll off her as saying a lot about them and nothing about her!

Spot on.

You will have a different relationship with privacy once you have reached the phase where visiting the loo is a race between how fast you can wee and how fast your toddler can unlock and open the door!

I always lock the door and would have replied to the woman with 'are you serious?'

Genuine question - how do the privacy folk cope with open changing facilities in a family room, like in John Lewis?

When my little one was very very young I used these types of facilities a few times out of necessity but the more I thought about it (and the older and more aware etc child became) I do not use them anymore. I take them somewhere private now.
They are now just turned 2 and have started to ask for others to leave the room when they’re being changed and want changes to be one to one so I now feel I need to respect that request🤷‍♀️
doesn’t remotely bother me if others do something different though, each to their own.