Baby changing room etiquette

[Orange53]

Two questions:

1. If you’re changing one child in a public changing room and the room contains two changing stations and a sink (nothing else) and the door is lockable, do you lock it? (assuming there’s no one else waiting while you’re there and you’re using it for a standard nappy change taking about 3-5 mins)
2. If you’re waiting for the room because another mum has locked it, do you say anything to her about why she locked it when she comes out?

Huh lock the door if public facility lol

I might lock it if I was struggling myself or needed to change etc.
I might feel a bit frustrated if I was waiting a long time but would never say anything as you never know what’s going on for someone else.
Seems like this woman was taking out whatever frustrations she had that day on your wife which is not ok. Either she was having a terrible day (which is not an excuse but hopefully shows your wife everyone struggles) or she’s just not a nice person. Either way not about your wife.

Great you all managed to stay out! It will kept getting easier.

As you can see from the answers everyone parents slightly differently. You didn't do anything wrong by locking it, as you say there was a lock there to use. However the new born stage is hard and I would assume the lady was having a bad day and be compassionate towards that rather than analysing your own behaviour, which when it comes to parenting will get you nowhere!! Do what feels right for your family and circumstances and make peace with the fact that not everyone will agree with you.

Yeah I'd lock the door, there are some bloody freaks out there, also there's often a toilet in there and I'd use it myself for a wee. You did nothing wrong. People need to get over themselves and their own feelings of self-importance. If you've for a baby in a nappy, you can wait 3 minutes.

So, OP, why didn’t you parent up and say something to challenge her - on your wife’s behalf if she was feeling frail?

you could have said:

sorry we are new to this, but there is no need to be rude

my wife needed the privacy

its got a lock on the door and we used it

did you mean to be so rude

Well done on her for getting out and navigating the changing table. I really hope that she doesn’t let some other persons terrible mood affect her, as that really was not about your OH.

As others have said, the lock is there to be used, and take it on a case by case basis - if you feel the need to lock, then do so.

I remember the first trip out with my baby and having to use the changing room and yes, I did lock it as I felt I needed to in order to calmly change my baby without interruptions / distractions / possible judgement or a stranger in the mix. I also had my husband in with me - it was our first time working through the scenario.

I will re-iterate - well done to your OH for taking your baby out and getting through it and navigating an out of hand woman’s terrible people skills and lack of kindness.

When it’s clearly intended for more than one at a time, I wouldn’t think of locking it, and would wonder why anyone else would.

"There were other changing facilities available nearby and we were there less than 5 minutes."

If any of these other nearby facilities are singles then you and your wife may feel more comfortable using those in the future, to save this issue (assuming you would still want to lock the door)

Do not say the last one. It isn’t the put down MNers think it is. You’ll just look an idiot.

Re1. As a rule, no. I wouldn’t lock. The exception being that one of my children has underlying conditions that make it necessary at times. For your bog standard 3 month old I wouldn’t. That is why the lock is there - because sometimes it is necessary. It’s not there because you have to use it. Arguably your wife’s fragile mental health means it’s necessary for you. I hope she’s getting support.

Re2. It depends. Normally no, but I would be irritated having to wait for no reason and there are times where I might have said something. Politely. But something regardless.

This is why we nearly always change our baby in the back of the car before we head out to do anything and if it’s a bad one we try and get in and out of a changing room as fast as possible as they are truly grim places. I also would have snapped back at the person tho as that is my personality.

Ive genuinely never really took notice of if I lock the door or not, most I’ve used have been either out in a ladies toilet so no lock around or have been inside a toilet and so yes I lock as I would a regular toilet anyway.

People also need to realise that the ‘yes I would have said something’ means someone like me is going to snap back at you. I cannot stand strangers making shitty comments and then acting shocked when someone says something back to them. It’s nearly always passive aggressiveness too. I

I wouldn’t have said anything to you or your wife, I’d have just waited and then gone in. A lot of people seem way too comfortable opening their mouths to strangers and I find it so bizarre. It’s nobodies business why you locked the door!

Fair enough!

( but for anyone who hasn’t seen in on MN it can bring them up short!)

@Orange53 its not unreasonable to lock the door, maybe a bit annoying for the other person but the lock is there for a reason. More concerning is how your wife is feeling at 3 months. I think I was anxious in the beginning but that was around a month after a three week hospital stay and it was weird to be in the real world. I found it helped to get away, we flew to see my husband’s family with the baby and honestly I did want to come home and spent an extra two weeks with them. I didn’t want to go back to my house, it felt overwhelming. Maybe get her booked in to see the birth reflection team or someone through the GP who can help with her anxiety. Book a mini break when she’s ready and maybe take another family member or friend to help. Best of luck to you both, being a first time parent can be overwhelming.

I lock the door if I have another children with me to keep them in the room. Or if I needed to change a top- there’s lots of reasons where someone might.

I would never question anyone else locking it either. In fact someone without a child was in one the other week and had it locked, I waited till she came out smiled and went in - no big deal I’m not the room police. She could have had a panic attack in there for all I know.

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience out and about, but it does sound like you were just unfortunate to come across a complete moron. If your wife is nervous making baby group friends and going out in numbers is a good way to get started.

Please assure your wife that most changing facilities aren’t like this normally they’re in the disabled toilet or a large cubicle in the ladies. So unless this happened at a place you’d like to regularly return to, I wouldn’t let it put you off going out in the future.

How on earth does it take 5 minutes to change a nappy?!! Even if the kid had converse trainers (with shoe laces in a double knot), dungarees without poppers which need stripping off, and vest(s) on, with a hell of a stinker of a nappy, it still wouldnt take that long 😂

Yes I’d lock the door.

It literally is takes a couple of minutes to change a nappy and so the women would not have been waiting very long.

Lots of people have other little ones so they lock the door so they don’t run off whilst you’re changing the nappy.

I was a teen with a new baby and I lacked confidence with things like changing her nappy.
I wouldn’t want someone watching what I was doing (or feeling like I was being watched).

I’m sorry your wife was so upset about this.
She did nothing wrong.

As your wife is unwell I think your fixating on the incident and possibly you’re looking for someone to blame for your wife’s reaction? I don’t think the other mother was wrong and you really don’t know what’s going on for her so (her hormones, her sleep deprivation, her babies needs) so I’d give it zero further head space if I’m honest.

Focus on your wife’s PND.

I would totally have locked the door and always did. I thought that was pretty standard and normal.

And if I approached the door and it was locked, I would have patiently waited.

What an awful woman shouting.

I hope your wife is OK, it is simply overwhelming with a young baby.

I personally wouldn’t think of locking the door if there’s more than one changing table, as I would see that as the intention being that two families can use it at the same time.

You have large baby changing rooms in shopping centres that have lots of tables in one room, and those don’t have locks, so I wouldn’t see a smaller room as any different.

Would I say something? No. Would I secretly be annoyed - depends how long I’ve been waiting!

I’ve genuinely never seen this kind of set up. Anything I’ve encounter has either been one changing table and a chair for feeding, one changing table and a toilet or an open end of the toilets (make or female) with multiple changing tables and seats but no locking door.

I would have locked it in this case though. And I wouldn’t have questioned anyone who did or didn’t. I probably wouldn’t have gone in and used the other table if someone was already in there. If there’s a locking door that sort of says to me you are able to provide privacy for your child. Would you want your arse out for strangers to see? No, then your child shouldn’t have that either.

I wouldn't lock it as my anxiety is so bad.
I would be terrified of the lock breaking and getting locked in the room.
I can't use lifts for the same reason, and have to have someone holding the door for me in public toilets.

Your wife did better than me.
I don't even have the courage to leave the house.

My local shopping area has multiple set ups like this.
1 of them I don't lock it as it's set up so each station while open has a bit of privacy from the others ( think like during COVID where it has sort of shields between?)
The other one I always lock it because the door is at an angle that it opens out to all and sundry so don't want ppl walking past seeing me change a nappy.

I would never ever shout at another parent for locking it. Plus if they didn't want it locked why put a lock on

Please tell your wife she is doing amazing and that that other woman clearly was in the wrong and had a problem.

I don’t think I’ve ever even been in one with multiple changing stations, I’d most probably automatically lock it out of habit but also for privacy anyway, I wouldn’t really think twice about it and I definitely wouldn’t question anyone else locking it.