Parents do you think you would have been as happy without kids?

[James637]

I’m debating which way to go, and currently very on the fence.

Do you think if you hadn’t had kids you could have been as happy and fulfilled?

It seems like as you get older family and especially children and leaving something behind become the point of life.

I’m struggling to imagine other routes, there’s no life map for childfree people. Anyone know examples of people who lived meaningful lives childfree? (And I mean people you actually know, not Mother Teresa etc)

@James637 I have a feeling you're a bit like me. Deep down I know kids aren't for me, but I get a bit of FOMO and want to know that I'll be OK without treading the normal path in life, particularly when I'm older.

Haha it’s so hard isn’t it when most people have this set life path for them!

I’m probably not qualified to answer yet as my dd is only a baby but I constantly miss my child free life!

No. I have always wanted children and I think if I didn't have them I would always feel sad seeing others start families and get pregnant.

Anyone got any celebrity childfree couples I can stalk yet?? 😂

I think I was always a happy person. Had my first child at 34, he was a happy accident, we were undecided on whether to have kids or not. I think I would be equally as happy without children (although it's hard to imagine life without them now) but would possibly have regrets as I get older. Who knows....it's difficult to say really.

No this is definitely not selling it 😂😂😂

No this is definitely not selling it 😂😂😂

Leonardo just seems lost, like lots of hangers on but not a true relationship. It must be tricky to trust when you are that famous

Why on earth is there less need for a garden? Gardening is one of my main hobbies. And our dog certainly enjoys it too.

And what are 'adult' things to do? My husband and I spend our weekends hiking, road cycling, mountain biking, walking our dog, running, gardening, cooking, going for a nice meal, watching films. Are these adult things?
They are for us, because we're adults. But many of our friends do them with children too.
Are there more appropriate 'adult' activities that I should be taking part in, which living in an urban setting would better enable me to access?

And why do childfree people need access to better career opportunities?
I personally have a great career that im proud of, but a lot of childfree people (DH and I included) have low outgoings. Many people leverage that freedom to work fewer hours, or in less demanding roles.

Hell no! The child free women I know in their fifties are living their best lives!

I love my children but I don’t rely on them to give my life meaning. What a burden to place on a child!

Anyone got any celebrity child free couples I can model my life on yet?? 😂😂

Got to be a couple not a bachelor that looks so lonely

Ricky Gervaise and Jane Fallon. I love them.

As you get into 50’s plus and parents have passed etc that it becomes quite isolating as a couple without children?

I'm in my 50s and both my parents have died. We have an extended family and a circle of life long friends (parents and child free) that we have spent a lifetime loving and whose company means the world to us. Our close circle is made up of people we have holidayed with, been to college with and who we can call in the middle of the night if we are in need and visa versa.

We might not have children but we can fill our home and life with wonderful people. We can sit around a dining table surrounded by faces we love just the same a people who have children.

Life is what you make it.

I think I probably would have had a "better" life without kids in a way, would have had a better career, more money, travel, time for friends etc.

The good thing about kids though is they make it impossible to have regrets as you wouldn't wish them away for anything. So the cynical part of me thinks there's a bit of an emotional safety net there!

Is that true though? I can't find anything to suggest that.

Yeah 80% of women who don’t end up having kids by 45 it was involuntary according to studies if you Google.

Meaning only 4% of women of actually Childfree

Well I must know most of the women who chose to be child free then OP.

Are you any closer to making a decision? Has this thread helped you?

Not yet but yes it has helped!

Also those numbers are based on women born in 1970 so undoubtedly this will rise for Millennials and Gen Z

I don’t get why you’re so fixated on life paths and expectations. Do you have people in your life putting a lot of demands and expectations on you, or were you raised in a family that made a big deal of these things? I’m in the position of never having wanted kids and being very happy with my life without them, and the future I envisage. Some people will I’m sure say I don’t know what I’m missing but I’m absolutely fine never finding out, when I think of having kids it just strikes terror into me that it would decimate my nice and enjoyable life.

That aside, I’ve never even thought about the fact that it’s what “most people do” - I find it difficult to understand why this is occupying so much headspace for you. Even as a kid and teenager I just had an innate feeling kids weren’t in my future and the fact that my peers said they did want kids didn’t sway me or make me second guess this, likewise as an adult I really couldn’t care less what others are doing. Most of my friends are childfree which makes things easier but the main thing I think about is my life and what I want to be doing. Nobody has ever questioned my feelings either - maybe some people think I’m missing out/selfish/leading an empty life/a failure as a woman or whatever else but I’m pretty sure the sort of people I know just wouldn’t think that, and even if they do I really don’t care! Have you ever had therapy to unpick why others life paths or perceptions of you affect you so much?

Also Seth Rogan and his wife are happily childfree.

@TedMullins Totally agree and have always felt exactly like you.

Same!

Just had an interesting thought about role models and expecations within my own extended family.

In the two generations above us every single person (aunties, uncles, great aunts, everyone) married and had children. In my generation we were 10 cousins (all raised in the 1960s and 70s).

Of the 10 of us 8 have partners/spouses and 7 have remained child free by choice.

We are all equally 'successful' in life (whatever success means to each of us), have had careers, ups and downs, happy times, less happy times, pursued passions, suffered grief, illness and had love and joy.

All our lives are wildly different, but in general I would say that it's impossible to tell who is happiest and most content. Everyone seems totally assured in their decision and satisfied with it. Nobody has ever said to me that they made their decision based on external pressures or on the basis of a specific role model.