Parents do you think you would have been as happy without kids?

[James637]

I’m debating which way to go, and currently very on the fence.

Do you think if you hadn’t had kids you could have been as happy and fulfilled?

It seems like as you get older family and especially children and leaving something behind become the point of life.

I’m struggling to imagine other routes, there’s no life map for childfree people. Anyone know examples of people who lived meaningful lives childfree? (And I mean people you actually know, not Mother Teresa etc)

I can't answer that as I don't have or want kids but try and tune out all the societal expectations. Why do you need a life map when you could just do whatever you fancy (within your own financial etc parameters). Are YOU bothered about leaving someone/something behind or do you just feel you should? What do YOU want your life to look like when you think about it without factoring in what other people do or expect?

I would have been very content without children. They have changed my life for the worse and if I knew then what I know now, I'd have remained child free and definitely unmarried for sure. 😔

I’ve never wanted kids. I’m 40’s now and so glad I didn’t give in to peer pressure to have them.
I can please myself, do things I’m interested in and I don’t have to constantly consider someone else.
I’m married and do things with my DH, but we also have separate interests. There are lots of women in my position, of a similar age and it’s great having them as friends and doing fun stuff together.
My life is meaningful to me and I think that’s better than looking to others to provide validation as to whether what I’m doing with my life is ‘worthwhile’.

I wouldn't be happy not having kids. Always wanted to be a mam.

No way. Best thing I ever did.

However wonderful my life had turned out I’d have always longed for kids. I wouldn’t have the knowledge I have now that it’s not always plain sailing and there is a lot of sacrifice involved. A lot of my identity is wrapped up in being a mum and I would have felt there was something missing from my life if that hadn’t happened for me.

Does that not... worry you?

Would you be happy if they felt that way about life?

Much, much happier as a mum than I would have been without. Lots of things make me happy but the depth of joy I feel around my kids far exceeds anything I experienced before them. I love being a parent.

Yes I think so. We would have just made a different life. Probably got a dog (which we have anyway) but done more extensive travel and go out more.

I also think that people who have had children very young (early 20’s) very rarely experienced much life in terms of career/travel/financial independence/completely carefree so they wouldn’t know what life could have been like without kids so have no other life to compare it to so obviously they would say they were happier with kids as they don’t know a proper life without them

Yes, it's why I tend to respond to these threads, because I had 20 years of childfree adult life, so I have a good sense of what my life was like without a child and without planning to have a child (fulfilling, largely enjoyable) and what it was like when I did have one at the end of my 30s. Obviously, I can't know exactly how my life would have continued had I stayed childfree, but apart from misfortune/illness etc, I imagine it would have continued to be interesting and fulfilling.

Exactly, you come from a place with a long experience of both pre child & post child. It would be pointless for someone who had children at 21 to comment

I think I could have been happy, but not as happy and fulfilled as I am now with a child.

Like if kids hadn't been possible for us, I would have enjoyed being DINKs and travelling a lot, frequent dates with partner, working on myself, having pets, creating a home etc. But I think eventually without them I would have felt "so what now?"

That's just me personally, as someone who did want kids. Not everyone feels that way, obviously.

If you're on the fence 100% don't do it. It's so hard. Hard, exhausting and relentless.

I'm very happy with kids but that's all I ever wanted in life so it's completely different for me.

I honestly have no blunt answer to give to this question. My children brought me a lot of happy memories that i may not have had without them like little holidays and zoo trips. However my
dogs also give me nice memories too and of course there are plenty one can do without children to build memories.
I think children brings a lot of angst and worry. Worry if they’ll survive, how successful they’ll be, will they be happy as adults etc.
I think after writing this I’m almost convinced that people can be just as happy without them just a different experience of life.
the childhood phase is so short that it’s over in a blink of an eye so you can never rely on that as a reason to have them.

I had a happy and fullfilling life before children but I wanted children and the breif moment where we struggled to have children made me feel sad. I dont know if we had never had children if that feeling would have passed or diminished a lot.

I now have an equally fullfilling life with children and there are moments of real joy. But It is not always as happy, as they say you are only as happy as your unappiest child. My unhappiest child is very unhappy.

We struggled to have children and would have been devastated not to have them but you need to want them as it isn't easy and involves sacrifices and lots of money.

I know someone who didn't have kids and was very career driven, she's married happily and got to be a director of an accountancy firm. Would never travel for environmental reasons. Seemed quite a dull life to me though very well off.

Another one again had a great career and kept a great body. First boyfriend left after years and a flat together as he wanted kids. Now with someone else and happy enough. All friend group have kids

Another one no kids, maybe scared of having them, interesting job which involves travel but not that well paid, nice life, bit like living in 20s forever.

It would have been happy. A different happy. I have different worries and priorities now. But your never know the road you didn't walk and just have to accept that really.
I think I'd have just occupied myself differently.
I like being a parent though so I say that as someone with no regrets for the road I have gone down. I sometimes feel constrained and limited as a parent, as a non parent I imagine I would feel constrained a whole lot less but maybe more moments of loneliness perhaps.
There are ups and downs whichever way you go.

I had all 3 of mine before 25. Quick as a flash I’m 36 and I’m not longer a ‘mummy’ they can take care of themselves so myself and their dad have evening walks with the dogs, dates, weekends away etc and making plans for the future just the two of us. In a funny way I’m
glad we did it when we were young because now we have money, and I haven’t had to worry about my aging fertility and I’m still relatively young enough to do young people things.
i reckon I would have been just as happy child free though although I don’t regret having mine.

I have a number of child free friends. I think we all see something to envy in each others existences. There is no perfect life.

There would have been an emptiness that I'd never be able to fill. And I know this because I didn't marry till late and had my child in my early 40s. All I ever wanted was to be married and to have a child and fortunately it eventually happened and I couldn't be happier. The love and joy my child brings into my life, and my husband's, is beyond measure.

I would not have been happy. I really, really wanted to be a mum with a ferocious intensity. I had a couple of plan bs formulated if the traditional route didn't work out! I am à mum and, so far, although it has been tough, it has never been as hard as not having them would have been for me. If I'm honest I'm not sure I could have coped if it hadn't happened for me and I have never regretted my decision to have children for a second.

Yes, I think I would have had a happy child free life. I love them dearly and enjoy their company. However I see child free friends enjoying travel, new friendships, interesting career moves, and time/money intensive hobbies that just aren't accessible to me. They have very lovely lives.

No

I find this statement incredibly sad