Parents do you think you would have been as happy without kids?

[James637]

I’m debating which way to go, and currently very on the fence.

Do you think if you hadn’t had kids you could have been as happy and fulfilled?

It seems like as you get older family and especially children and leaving something behind become the point of life.

I’m struggling to imagine other routes, there’s no life map for childfree people. Anyone know examples of people who lived meaningful lives childfree? (And I mean people you actually know, not Mother Teresa etc)

I think so.

No

Me too and a bit weird if I’m honest, as well as a big burden on the kids

I don't know. Now I have kids I wonder if I'd have been ok without but without kids I think I couldn't have been happy because I never would have known

Personally, no I couldn’t have been as happy without kids because I’ve always wanted them. We struggled with infertility for a bit and it was horrendous.

But I have several close childfree friends, some who have never wanted kids, some who were on the fence and never made it happen. They live wonderfully fulfilling lives with careers, holidays and hobbies that are no longer realistic for me. If I could have skipped the “wanting” kids bit, I know I could have lived a brilliant alternate life.

On the subject of money - having money certainly makes life easier with little kids. Less worry, more outsourcing. But being able to take time off work isn’t necessarily a positive. I did three years at home, and I am so much happier back at work. Being at home was lovely, but also totally isolating (even though I actually had a good child-based social circle) and made my life feel very small.

I don't think so, I wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom and have a bunch of kids.

Way more happy with children. Absolutely love being a mother!

I would have been happy without them. Love them lots but would have been.fulfilled without them. I'm not interested in grandchildren

I think I'd always feel sad that I didn't have kids but I think I'd still have made a decent life for myself. It would just feel emptier.

For me personally absolutely not.

But I have friends who are at this cross road and I'm brutally honest with them, as much as you can say to someone who's not wild on kids, "it's different when it's your own", it's not a given you'll enjoy parenthood just because you made them.

If you value the life of lie ins, money, freedom, not needing to be engaged constantly etc, then I'd really consider what a child would bring to your life.

I know people who have children who find it absolutely joyless and there's no hiding it.

It's not an easy choice but I think if you enjoy being around children, whilst not a science, is a good indicator.

It's just such a huge commitment to your life, you can't just tap out once it's too overwhelming.
I'd also consider your relationship, support from family and friends, finances, work, everything.

I read many brave honest mums on here who's lives haven't benefitted from their children and whilst it's sad, I also think them speaking up is incredible, because it really isn't for everyone x

no
i am happiest with my children, without them I am nothing.

Was i happy pre-kids? of course. I love the freedom./no responsibility and not worrying about anyone but me.

But no, I would be lost without my babies

I love being a Mum and I'm also a stepmum which I love too. They are older so not new to it.

However, I have two of my good friends who haven't got either and I know one is very happy with their choice. Not sure about the other as never spoke about it.

Happy, yes definitely, as happy I don’t think so no. But to balance that, if I didn’t have children I wouldn’t have as many worries, I wouldn’t be as tired and I would have a lot more money.

I 100% wanted children, parenting is hard, yoy have no idea what its like to essentially be working unless you’re asleep. I would say to anyone unless you’re 100% sure and have been for a couple of years you’re probably best not going through with it and hoping for the best.

Sorry, the answer to your question is no I don't think I would have been as happy. Richer definitely.

At my wedding the two couples who were up on the dance floor first and looked so in love were both child free. I noticed this throughout the night every time I saw them. They just looked like they were having the best time! Without kids you probably avoid a lot of the bickering etc that drags a relationship down and obviously would have more money to go nice holidays or places you want to see.

On the other hand though I heard someone say recently that they decided to have kids because they got to a certain age and just thought how sad it would be if all they had done was go nice holidays when they got older.

I have a little boy and about to have #2. I was never a baby person and could have taken it or left it to be honest but something just came over me and I knew I wanted one all of a sudden. I think it doesn’t help that the baby/toddler years get such a bad name with everyone saying you don’t sleep etc. Obviously some people are going to have that experience but not everyone and it’s broadcast to people like everyone has that same experience. I haven’t been up during the night since the first couple of months. The whole thing has been a complete dream to be honest and it’s majorly added to my life! I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel like before being a mum I was kind of floating through life trying to find what I was supposed to be doing, going on nights out I didn’t even really want to be on just because I felt like I had to. Having a child is a good excuse not to do those things if you don’t want to!

You asked for some child free women who have lead meaningful lives - Oprah Winfrey, Dolly Parton, Katherine Hepburn, Helen Mirren, Gloria Steinem, Kim Cattrall, Jane Fallon, Candace Bushnell.

Probably evens out but I do find the responsibility hard sometimes. My fuck-ups aren't just mine sort of thing.

Absolutely not. My life was travel, friends, career, parties. All pales into nothingness compared to my kids.

Wanted them but wasn’t desperate, possibly if I’d been married to the love of my life or something it would have felt more important.

I was late thirties so had already imagined my ideal child free future / old age (which was full and enjoyable) and would have gone towards that if I hadn’t met someone. I look at older relatives without kids and they seem to have a good life, support network and enjoying life.

So I would have been sad without (but having them isn’t exactly easy either).

No, always wanted to be a mum. I think, yes id be having fun but also always thinking about having children, comparing my life to my friends who have children

This is what I don’t get! It makes being childfree seem empty when people say this

Although I did have children at 22 so maybe I just don't know what I'm missing out on?

I used to regret having children and would long for my child free days. But now DD is a bit older and she brings me so much joy. We also have DS and he’s an absolutely lovely little baby. So now I am very grateful for the life I have. However if I hadn’t had them I’d be used to it. I would be a lot richer, more interesting, healthier and be able to achieve all of my career goals.

What I do know is that we’re in a good place and I love our little family. But we have childcare 8-6, work full time and have good jobs which means we’re not financially struggling, we also have grandparents who regularly help out. DH is pretty good at sharing the mental load actually which is a huge help. I would definitely be miserable if I had to look after them as a SAHM and I would definitely would have been happier without them!!

Yes I would have had more money to do the things I wanted.

Without your kids you are nothing?
That is incredibly sad.