Will leaving newborn overnight effect bond

[EmmaLeaa]

My baby is 4 weeks old and me and partner have a couple plans this month, he has a great relationship with family members and always been around family members since birth. Will me leaving him overnight with grandparents couple times this month effect his bond with me? I’m a first time mum and don’t want him to forget I’m his mum. He stayed at my mums last weekend and my partners mum offered to have him this weekend so she can bond better with him, and then next weekend he is staying at my mums. Is this too many nights away from me? It will be 3 in total this month.

I wouldn’t do this in a million years except for a medical emergency. Building a bond between mother and baby is so important in those early weeks. Look up research on insecure attachment as that’s what this sounds like.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to leave mine in the first year. I was EBF, but even so, I wouldn’t have left them.

You can spend time with your boyfriend and your baby at the same time. Grandparents can bond without having overnights without you at 4 weeks.

You asked the question and have given increasing long and defensive justifications to those who disagree it’s a good idea to be, and already have been, away from your tiny newborn for so long.

You may be 24, your pregnancy may have been unplanned, it may have been difficult. But, you chose to have the baby and to be a parent and that means putting your child first which you’re not doing right now whatever your “reasons”.

With an adult, it doesn't have to be you

A 4 week old newborn wants their mother.

I know we're supposed to be all "you do you, it'll be fine" but actually I don't think that, I think it's quite shocking to be apart from such a young baby when you don't have to.

Personally I wouldn't and wasn't away overnight until mine was 3 years old and could understand time to an extent (mummy will be back in the morning, etc.)

I don't judge those who do because your mental health is absolutely vital in being the best mum you can be and if an overnight break is going to help that then absolutely go for it, mums are important too, and we're no good to our children if we're exhausted or struggling mentally.

In my opinion though it's too young, but I doubt it'll affect your overall bond so don't worry about that.

Gently though I'm worried OP from your posts that you're feeling under pressure from your partner to spend this time with him? His job right now is to support you and baby and adjust to being a dad. I get the sense that things are rocky and there's pressure to do what he wants, rather than what you want, or that (and of course I don't know your situation) there's something worrying going on with the relationship. Just hope you're okay OP.

My Mum looked after DD overnight a few times when she was very new, but she was also there at the birth and saw her every single day often for extended periods so was a familiar person. It hasn't harmed our bond whatsoever. I'm also a bit surprised at all of the judgment. I was happy that my baby was being safely looked after even if that wasn't by me.

I can't believe that your baby is only 4 weeks old and you haven't spent a weekend with them. Of course it will affect your bond. Why did you even have a baby? A baby should be physically with their mother at such a young age, not only is that science but it basic common sense. A few hours away sure, but every weekend!? Very sad to read, some people shouldn't be parents

Have a look at the First 1000 days, Nathan Wallis.

You might want to read correctly before judging. She has spent a weekend with him, she is talking about upcoming weekends.

Maybe people who judge shouldn't be parents.

Wow she has spent a weekend out of 4 with her own tiny, newborn. Amazing 👏 I don't usually judge but I am judging this one harshly. Incredibly selfish. I don't even think anyone would do this to a puppy.

Again with not reading the post correctly.

First overnight - last weekend at 3 weeks old
Second overnight - this weekend at 4 weeks old
Third overnight - next weekend at 5 weeks old

Just overnight too, not the entire weekend.

The majority of the time is still spent with her baby. It's a non issue.

What a joke, OP has no mental health issues she's barely even had time to be a parent as she's too busy with nights out! I'd be fully supportive if a mum needs a break, but that's not one of those scenarios and it's incredibly disrespectful to those with mental health issues to even suggest it. This is a couple who would rather go out, than care for their newborn baby. I agree with PP this is indicative of things to come, if they can't be bothered now, what hope does this poor kid have.

Totally messed up priorities 😒

Who are you to decide when a parent needs a break? It's individual.

Spending the majority of time with her baby? I don't think so.

You're obviously happy to live by the lowest common denominator so good for you, not so great for the lids though. Can't believe you think someone who spends the 'majority of their time' is a good parent 😆 The baby is only 4 weeks old, and these are nights out by choice. There probably is a bonding issue, given neither parent appears to prioritise their child, the fourth trimester is a real thing. I have to jump off this thread. I find this a really sad situation, at least it seems to have extended family that cares about it.

It is the majority of their time or is your maths as bad as your reading comprehension?

You clearly have no idea of sad situations if you think parents who are making sure their baby is cared for whilst they are out and otherwise spend the majority of their time with the baby is a sad situation.

You're deliberately being obtuse. All mothers (and fathers) should take breaks, but this is taking things to the extreme and imo selfish. I'd also be concerned that OP isn't bonding with her baby, as even if you don't have that instant rush of love (I know I certainly didn't), most mothers wouldn't be comfortable leaving their newborn for such long stretches of time, sounds like for maybe the first 30 days days of its life, OP has been away from the baby for 5 or 6 days already? Proportionately that seems alot, you only need to look to mother nature to know that's not normal or natural and can't really be best for the baby which is what is important to most parents. I'm assuming even OP knows that deep down given she's started this thread. A depressing read.

its life, OP has been away from the baby for 5 or 6 days already?

Where are you getting 5 or 6 days already when the OP has mentioned 2 nights so far?

Oh I see 3, that's still alot isn't it? Basically 6 nights on, then 1 night off? The whole thing just seems wrong. Each to their own I guess, unfortunately people will just do what they want anyway and try and justify their behaviour. I'm glad my mum wasn't like this, and I'm glad I'm not either.

Some parents clearly are comfortable with it. It doesn't mean they aren't bonded with their baby any less than the parent who doesn't leave their side until they start school at 4.

Not everyone believes that having a baby attached to their parents 24/7 is what is best for them. Not everyone believes that being a martyr is good or healthy for babies (or parents), not everyone is interest in the parenting competition of just how much they could never be a minute without their baby.

OP doesn't necessarily know that deep down. She just lives in a society where you are shamed and judged as a mother by people like you if you don't want to spend every second with your baby.

Oh please, the baby is barely a month old ffs. No one is saying she has to spend every second with it, in fact she probably shouldn't, but several overnights is too much in four weeks. It's just wrong. If you think that's being a martyr you have seriously low, low standards. I also think you're projecting if you think society thinks you should spend every minute with your baby, if anything it's the opposite of that, it's very much about taking time out for yourself.

It might be too much for you but again, you aren't OP or the other parents who are comfortable with leaving their baby from a young age. I don't think it's wrong at all, she's still spending far more time with her baby than not.

We live in a sexist society which judges mothers incredibly harshly. Especially when it comes to them taking time out for themselves and god forbid, separating from their baby.

I agree with you that society is sexist, and I feel part of that is because society doesn't really value mothers at all, from pregnancy onwards. A mother is actually the most important thing to a newborn, especially in those first few months and we shouldn't dismiss that. The way I read it was the OP wants to prioritise her partner which also seems pretty sexist and misguided to me. If this is now the new 'normal' the pendulum has swung too far the other way. Next thing women will be expected to go back to work after a week, because who cares about bonding, anyone can do that. Being facetious, but it wouldn't surprise me.