Will leaving newborn overnight effect bond

[EmmaLeaa]

My baby is 4 weeks old and me and partner have a couple plans this month, he has a great relationship with family members and always been around family members since birth. Will me leaving him overnight with grandparents couple times this month effect his bond with me? I’m a first time mum and don’t want him to forget I’m his mum. He stayed at my mums last weekend and my partners mum offered to have him this weekend so she can bond better with him, and then next weekend he is staying at my mums. Is this too many nights away from me? It will be 3 in total this month.

Forget what other people have done – do YOU want to do this? Or are you being pressured by family to let them have him overnight? Four weeks is so tiny still and if it's making you feel anxious to be away from him, don't do it. Your relationship is important but right now it doesn't need to take priority over you being with your baby.

Personally I wouldn’t have left my baby overnight until they were off the breast. But obviously you’re bottle feeding so its different. My only concern is you getting used to not being with your baby at the weekend and finding it hard not to have that time off if you can’t find a sitter. My SIL had her baby looked after every weekend since she was born and she’s never been that great a mother since.
you do what you have to do though although I’m a bit confused as to why you’ve made so many plans when you’ve just had a baby?!

Gosh! It's definitely not something I could do. You can nurture a relationship in many ways, you don't need to only go out to do that. Take baby with you! How is your partner's relationship with your newborn? When does he get to build a relationship with your newborn (as you say he works a lot)?

From another perspective:

3 nights away from a 4 week old baby is about 10% of their lifetime so far.

Did you say you're 24, @EmmaLeaa? Then for context 10% of your own lifetime so far would be at least 2years and 5 months, so it might 'just be 3 nights' to you from your point of reference, but it definitely isn't 'just 3 nights' to your baby....

I'm sure you won't lose the bond, but your baby is four weeks old and has already stayed three nights away from you, so presumably he stayed with grandparents at 2 weeks old aswell?
That seems very young to me, to be staying away from you all night.
I would be concerned that you're maybe prioritising your partner over the baby in these first few weeks.
As others have said, does it have to be a night away, could it not just be a few hours for dinner?

This isnt what you're asking so I apologise and I could be wrong in your case but it seems that it's always up to the mum to balance her attention between the child/ren and the partner, as though the partner is another child who needs sufficient attention. The amount of men that whine when they don't get enough attention when a baby is born, so the poor women are tying themselves in knots trying to keep them happy as well as focus on the child. If this is your partner, he should be alongside you prioritising your baby, not you trying to figure out the balance.

You must do what you feel is right for you.

I couldn't have done it and wouldn't have done it. I can't pretend to understand it. I would definitely worry about the effects on bonding, but it's your life and your baby so you should do what feels best for you.

Any relationship that required me to be separate from my newborn or even older baby to sustain would not be a relationship worth having imo.

(But I'm fully signed up to fourth trimester, attachment parenting type thing. People have to learn to navigate the journey into motherhood on their own terms.)

If you are ok with leaving your baby with someone else then that’s not wrong. You get a lot of shocked replies because most women aren’t up to leaving their baby at such a young age but that’s doesn’t mean you’re wrong or a bad mum. It means you do things differently to other parents.

I couldn’t have done it, too soon to be away from a baby that young.

I am leaning DS for the the first time next week when I go in for my c -section . Ds will be 20 months!!! I couldn’t bare to be away from him before this !

But everyone is different . If you are happy then you will be a better mum. So if having you free time gives you happiness then go for it now as it will be much harder when baby gets older and they become away of who mum and dad are and just want ‘mummy ‘.

Could you not have an evening out 6-11 then go home to baby ? So not to keep leaving baby overnight ?

A slightly different perspective: babies are newborn for a very very short time. It might feel like forever now, but look back on it and it will feel like it passed in a flash. It’s an incredibly special time that you only get a few times in your life as a mother (depending on how many babies you have). My two babies are now a little bit older and I still think of it with huge nostalgia and a bit of sadness that it passed so quickly. I just wouldn’t want to miss out on so much of those precious days with them. But that might just be me being a bit nostalgic!

Your not doing anything wrong OP, My son was born 7 weeks early and was in hospital for 5 weeks whilest I got discharged and it didnt effect our bond. Just because your now a mum doesnt mean you cant enjoy some alone time with your partner. You and your baby will be absoulutely fine.

In what way is that anything like the OP’s situation?!

The fact you are posting on MN asking this suggests to me that you’re uneasy with it. I didn’t leave my eldest overnight until she was about 18 months and my youngest was over 2. Both times were with their dad and when I had to be away for work. I think this is quite unusual (but they were breastfed and one of them co-slept) and lots of mums have nights away from their children at a younger age but I think it’s unusual to want to be away from a very small baby.

It'll be absolutely fine OP.

Are you really comfortable leaving him overnight at 4 weeks post birth? That's quite unusual. I wouldn't have done this for my own comfort levels and also due to worrying that my baby would have missed me. It's probably fine but I think it's odd to make a habit of it at such a young age.

My DS is 5 weeks old, I've been away from him for an hour max. I personally wouldn't be able to leave him overnight especially 3 night over a few weeks. Same with my eldest didn't leave him overnight till 6/7 month, his now 2 and loves a "sleepover" at my DM or MIL. But it's your choice, if you need a break say it, it's hard work don't be doing it just so the grandparents can bond. His 4 weeks old he just knows you! Read up about 4th trimester.

My situation isn't like OP's, it was worse, I didnt spend any nights with him for 5 weeks? The op is spending 1 night away at a time, im sure their bond will be fine. Does that clarify?

OP you said that things are rocky between you and your partner, was this before the baby was born?

It seems as though you're trying to please your partner by doing this?

In all honesty I would be soaking up the moments with your newborn, it really does fly by.

If you need a few hours break of course take the time but leaving your newborn overnight seems a little soon (to me anyway).

If your partner seems stressed or neglected by the baby then he needs to suck it up. You and the newborn are more important than him.

Will it harm the baby long term? No. Is it what's best for the baby? No

It's your decision and only you can make it but that is a lot of time away from a very, very tiny baby. As much as you think he has a relationship with your family he doesn't yet. He's not capable of forming bonds yet. All he knows is you. Your body. Your smell. Your heartbeat. He's programmed biologically to need to be close to you. He doesn't know he's living in the 21st century. All he knows is you are his safe space.

Personally I wouldn't dream of leaving my 7 year old over night that much in one month. And she does have a very secure bond with family and with me. 3 nights a month is a lot.

I'm all for a night away but personally think 4 weeks old is just too little and I wouldn't leave my newborn as think it would have the potential to affect our bond. If baby was 6 months old I'd be saying absolutely go for it. I have left my 12 month old twice overnight, once for 36 hours at 7 months and the other for about 20 hours more recently.

I don’t care if it’s judgmental - I wouldn’t be leaving my 4 week old … it’s very early days and you’re only just forming your own relationship with the baby. Grandparent’s relationships can wait. It sounds like you’re hoping to keep your previous life as it was tbh. Your relationship doesn’t need attention 4 weeks in - your baby does. And your partner should feel the same.

I have to say I totally agree with this.

OP, you're sounding quite defensive in all your replies. If you're so against hearing the POV that you shouldn't go, why did you post this thread? I mean that kindly, not trying to be snippy. I would see the fact that you've posted this as a sign you're not totally comfortable with the amount of time you're spending away from your baby at such a young age.

If your partner is worth being in a relationship with, then he will understand a freshly postpartum mother wanting to be with her newborn baby!

I started leaving mine during the day at 2 weeks and overnights by 6 weeks. It is usually once a month but can sometimes be 2-3 times a month depending on what's going on.

Of course it won't effect your bond and he'll be absolutely fine. It certainly doesn't mean that you're depressed, it just means that all mums are different.

I'm a better mum if I'm not attached to my baby 24/7. Not every mum wants to be a martyr.

I have also had this situation, and wouldn’t say it’s close the same thing. A medicalised preterm baby has no choice but to be in hospital, and parents are not usually allowed to stay. It is a heartbreaking experience, not one that you would choose.