Will leaving newborn overnight effect bond

[EmmaLeaa]

My baby is 4 weeks old and me and partner have a couple plans this month, he has a great relationship with family members and always been around family members since birth. Will me leaving him overnight with grandparents couple times this month effect his bond with me? I’m a first time mum and don’t want him to forget I’m his mum. He stayed at my mums last weekend and my partners mum offered to have him this weekend so she can bond better with him, and then next weekend he is staying at my mums. Is this too many nights away from me? It will be 3 in total this month.

That said only do it if you want to. Not your partner or parents or MIL.
Look after you and baby, the rest will follow.

If your happy leaving baby then go for it and tbh from experience it's rather nice to have a break and also nice you have such a lovely family to share little one with. We have 3 2 and under and they've all stayed at grandparents from early. And now they adore there grandparents as much as me and hubby. The older kids exactly the same great bond with grandparents and us and now there older they also feel able to talk about problems with any of us since they have a nice good strong family network around them

Why does anyone else need to bond with a newborn apart from the parents of said newborn 🤔? It seems weird you asking about whether your bond will be impacted but then saying how others need to bond. I wouldn't have left any of my children the 1st month overnight, my first child was 7 months before I left her 1 night and the other 2 were around 2, both bottle refusers and still breastfeeding at night (my first was but would accept a bottle of breastmilk).

Was the baby planned? The only people I know who acted like this had an unplanned pregnancy early in their relationship, their baby has her own room at her parents house and stays most weekends, she's now 5 months old and this has been a thing since she was born. We do feel very sorry for the baby, she's almost an inconvenience in their relationship. This is my sister's brother and sister in law, my sister has a baby a few months older and is yet to leave him, her baby was planned though and they had been together years before deciding to have children so very different circumstances.

What you are suggesting isn't wrong, but I think most mums wouldn't want to leave such a small baby so often.

It'll be fine. My friend's dil left her son with my friend at 3 weeks so she could go to a gig for the night. He must be about 20 now. And all three have great relationships.

Surely taking care of your brand new baby together is nurturing you and your partner's relationship? I understand he works a lot, is he getting time to bond with the baby? I would prioritise that over nights together.

And while I don't think it would hurt your bond, I have to say, I agree it's unusual to want to leave your baby that often. Keep an eye on any other symptoms, feeling down etc.

I had to spend some time away from my 6 week old because my toddler was in hospital but my husband did the night shifts so I could go home to the baby. It wasn’t ideal but we had 2 little ones to consider and had to balance both their needs.

With one baby there is no way I would have left a 4 week old for one night and certainly not 3 in a month. Too disruptive IMO.

Your baby doesn’t need to see parents with a loving relationship because they are too little to be aware of anything apart from their own needs. They need a secure bond with their main caregiver. They also need a bond with their father and he needs to feel competent. In my experience when you bring a lot of family helpers in very early, new dads can tend to drift into the background as they feel they don’t have the skills to care for the baby. Invest in time as a threesome would be my advice.

The replies to this thread are so cruel, the OP was clearly stating that the baby was around the family members that will be looking after him a lot and he is settled and they want to look after him.
go and enjoy yourself with your partner, the baby will never remember it and you’re lucky you have family members that want to have him. Make the most
Aslong as it’s not a constant throughout his life sleeping out 3 weekends of the month I just don’t think it’s an issue at all x

A newborn doesn't been sleepovers to bond with anyone. Ridiculous
. If you need a babysitter for you that's fine. Don't dress it up as anything else. Or allow dgps to guilt you that this needs to be a regular thing.. It really doesn't

SO many judgy mums on this thread. OP is a first time mum reaching out and asking for opinions and advice.

OP, I really struggled with the newborn phase with both of mine. I barely slept with my first and got myself so stressed. With my second, my MIL who I'm very close to offered to have him for the odd night very early on. I really really needed that break for my own mental health. Baby was absolutely fine and I felt reenergised for a nights sleep.

The only thing I would say is that you don't seem sure about doing this. The reasons are because your mum wants to bond (she will and doesn't need an overnight to do this) and to make time for your relationship. This feels like external pressure rather than decisions of your own making.

Perhaps your mum could watch him in the day if you're unsure about overnight and you and your partner could have lunch out or a nice walk to get time together?

Honestly neither my husband or I could have or would have considered leaving our babies overnight in the first four weeks, not unless it was a medical emergency or something literally life and death. We bonded deeply over the shared experience of becoming new parents and giving our all to this tiny bundle who neither of us had a clue what to do with. To go away to a hotel just to have ‘alone time’ would have felt utterly absurd and totally, totally wrong. We were obsessed with our baby! So I do find it very unusual and a bit concerning that you’re planning multiple overnights away from your baby in the first month just to focus on your relationship. It’s important to focus on yourselves as a couple, yes, but when people say that they mean in the months/years ahead, not in the first four weeks!

No baby wasn’t planned, that’s not the point either as I love him just as much, planned or not. (Not in a rude way) I suppose there’s a lot of mixed feelings and I’m understanding all points, including the judgments. My baby is safe, very well looked after, very loved by me and my family and partner. Things are rocky sometimes with me and partner which is why I’m trying to include time together where we can focus and talk and spend time together but my main priority is my baby and making sure he is loved which is why I’ve made this post. There’s no reason to assume my life and feelings, my mental health is fine. It’s not always blue skies and birds which is why I’m just trying to improve everything I can as a 24 year old women. Leaving working life, adapting to maternity allowance and keeping a home for my baby since house prices have gone up, not seeing friends as much you need to remember Im still very young, it’s a hard adjustment but my little boy is thriving as much as he can as a newborn baby. Im very lucky to have the family I do and the support network I do and not many people get that opportunity. Please do not assume my baby is stressed. Do not assume my baby is not loved. You are wrong if you assume those things. My main concern is my baby’s bond and love for me which is the main question in this post because I love him very much and I love being a mum even when it’s hard. My pregnancy was very hard, I was very poorly with diabetes, my birth was very hard and quite traumatic and had to have an emergency c section, adapting to my new body and scar is also very hard. So I’m just trying to make a healthy balance for myself, my relationship and most IMPORTANTLY my baby. 😊 I’m sure most can relate to this.

The newborn will wonder where their mother has gone at the time though. Saying a newborn won't remember is nonsense, the baby will be distressed at the time!

I think everyone is different. I certainly could not have left our baby that young overnight, despite no sleepovers, he has the closest relationship with his grandfathers and uncles and aunties.
They dont need sleepovers to bond.

If you want to go out, that's fine to say and your baby will be safe with their grandparents and i dont think it will effect your bond, i do think it sounds like a few nights, quite close together

Not at all. I had to leave my 2 week old for 5 days while my toddler had an operation and he's the closest to me out of all my children. A real mummy's boy.

OP. Do not be affected by random people behind a keyboard.

It will not affect the bond with your baby. Many babies are cared for overnight by night nurses or nannies or family without harm at all. If you are uncertain talk to your Pediatrics an or home visitor. It is okay for you to have breaks. You don’t need to be holding the. Baby 24 / 7 to bind or to be a good parent. Many babies grow up in multi generational families where family other than the no her provide child care and again the babies are perfectly fine. Ignore the judgment and do what is right for you.

What do you mean leaving work and adapting to maternity allowance?

Are you receiving financial support from your partner for yourself and the baby? Make sure you are.

To answer your question- everyone has different needs and demands. You need to do what works for you. Personally I wouldn't have been away from my 4 week old baby for more than an hour while they slept, but then I read about women on here who send babies to the grandparents every weekend.

If you need the time for your mental health and it will help you (not make you stressed or unhappy), then take it. But personally I think it's unusual to want to be away from a baby that small, and there is evidence about the stress that causes the baby.

So weigh it all up.

Might have cried for 5 days wondering if you were ever coming back though! There was no choice in your case you did what you had to, you didn't leave a 2 week old and go to Glastonbury or something. The 2 things aren't the same. Saying you are the closest to that child etc, maybe you are, doesn't mean they didn't spend 5 days distressed at the time. Everyone saying "we are so close now", "they won't remember" it doesn't mean a newborn isn't distressed without their mother so little!

I also want to add, grandparents are not having him overnight to bond, they’re just very happy and helpful to have him, which I’m lucky for. My mum loves him unconditionally no matter having him overnight or not she’s so excited and happy to be a grandmother which is lovely to see, I’m very close to my mum she’s like my best friend

If you want to leave the baby, it'll be fine. There are lots of women who, for a variety of reasons, either out of choice or necessity, have to leave their babies with someone else for a time. Everything's OK. There's no drama.
Spend time with your partner as you want. Your baby knows your his mum and there's no way your bond will be broken.

I recently had to have a hysterectomy due to cancer 7 weeks after I gave birth to my little boy, I was in hospital for 5 days and I do believe my baby was distressed not being near me (I wasn’t able to see him apart from once for half an hour two days into hospital stay as children were not allowed on the ward). My partner did a great job but my baby cried a lot and only settled properly when he slept on a T-shirt I’d worn specifically to hold my smell so he could still smell me even though I was away from him. I do think it affected our bond for a short time after I returned home and I definitely felt like I’d abandoned him. 6 weeks on (he’s 13 weeks now) he’s absolutely fine, but It was a very hard few days. I’m sure it won’t affect him long term if you go away for a weekend, but when babies are so little they need their parents and especially mum - you are the only thing they’ve known…why cause them distress if you don’t need to…you have so much time to go and do things together as a couple, I know when you’re in those first few weeks it seems like you won’t come out the other side - but they are only little for such a short amount of time.

Hi OP, sorry if this is missing the point but if you are 4 weeks post birth then you and your partner shouldn't be having sex yet. You could get permanently injured.

There are a lot of relaxin hormones which flood the system for labour (even if you had a c-section delivery) and they make your vagina very stretchy and vulnerable to damage.

I was told 6 weeks no sex, and even then to take things really carefully and gently.

So if your partner is pressuring you to leave baby with grandma so that you two can have sex, then it's still too soon for that.

I do know that the adjustment to being a mum is massive and I think it's good that you get some downtime, but honestly I wouldn't do a whole night every weekend - I think that will, almost certainly, negatively impact your bond with your baby.

Wish you all the best though, whatever you decide.

So I’m just trying to make a healthy balance for myself, my relationship and most IMPORTANTLY my baby. 😊 I’m sure most can relate to this.

Sorry, I can’t relate at all.

I don’t want to come across as a martyr here, but when my son was 4 weeks old, the last thing on my mind was making time for my relationship, or even for myself.

I could maybe understand it if you had had something planned in advance i.e. a wedding that you were a part of, but planning a couple of child free overnights with your partner to make time for yourself and your relationship when your baby is only 4 weeks old, no sorry, I can’t relate.

I understand everyone is different, but this certainly doesn’t seem the norm. I still couldn’t sleep properly at that point, because my mind was so super focused on my baby. Even though he was right next to me and fine, I’d still wake up in a panic, searching for him.

I couldn’t physically have been seperated from my baby at all. Certainly not overnight.

This isn’t a helpful comment, is it?

Op, leave this thread. People have said what they've said. Go make your own decision.

Oh OP please don’t worry. It will not affect your bond at all but as others have said, it is unusual to want to be apart from your baby overnight every week since they’ve been born and I worry that you are only doing this to please your partner. As someone who had my second by c-section only 8 weeks ago, you should really be focusing on your own recovery and not worrying about making time to have sex with your partner (which reading between the lines is what these overnights are about). I’m pretty chilled with family members having our kids whenever they want but we still only really do overnights for special occasions - birthdays, anniversaries etc. I seem to remember going out for a meal with my DH when my eldest was around 4 or 5 weeks old which was great but we picked him up afterwards and took him home. Even that felt a little too much too soon for me!

Is your partner putting pressure on you to pretend that things can carry on as they were before?