Will leaving newborn overnight effect bond

[EmmaLeaa]

My baby is 4 weeks old and me and partner have a couple plans this month, he has a great relationship with family members and always been around family members since birth. Will me leaving him overnight with grandparents couple times this month effect his bond with me? I’m a first time mum and don’t want him to forget I’m his mum. He stayed at my mums last weekend and my partners mum offered to have him this weekend so she can bond better with him, and then next weekend he is staying at my mums. Is this too many nights away from me? It will be 3 in total this month.

I don't agree with idea that it's only problematic because both parents are away. What should single mothers do then?

Well said.

@OneMoreCookieMonster I’m glad you’re on the same page! I can’t get my head around how multiple people think this is okay or that any couple would want to be without their FOUR WEEK OLD baby overnight. I was very much in the ‘is he still breathing?’ every hour at that point!

Nobody’s saying you can never have a night out, but Christ - 4 weeks!! Not to mention sleep deprivation and recovering physically and mentally from birth.

Well if a single parent has someone willing to watch their baby overnight from newborn then they can use that support in lots of ways I imagine that don't have to be leaving a newborn baby overnight 🤷‍♀️ The newborn phase is such a short time in the grand scheme of things, so it's really just a short-term 'problem'. Most people don't 'need' to be anywhere without their baby overnight in the first few weeks, so it's just a choice. Which is fine if you want to make it, but I do think that painting going for an overnight trip with your husband three separate times while your baby is 4 weeks old is vital to your mental health is pushing it a wee bit.

and I wasn't. How about that, mothers are different.

I left him for the first time overnight at 6 weeks. I didn't feel anxious at all, he woke up once like usual and went right back to sleep after his bottle.

I had to be apart from my daughter every night for the first three weeks of her life. Our bond is fantastic.

Not there long term bond but they will be affected at the time. And I very much doubt you would want to be away from your baby at all as a newborn never mind at four weeks.

I wouldn't have been able to either. Especially as I was breastfeeding.

My first, it was a party for the evening after about a week, and a night away (just me) at 3m. I didn't have any anxiety over being a parent, didn't feel the need to check she was breathing, and recovered from my sections very quickly.

My second was breastfed, and because if that and covid, I managed a night away when she was 2, and was still struggling to even have an evening out at that age.

I felt like a more balanced, healthier woman the first time around when I could get away for a few hours.

It's not.

Clearly it is. Would a night away be good for her relationship? YES. Would a night away be good for her tiny baby who only wants its mother, in any way shape or form? NO.

I first left him during the evening at 2 weeks. I wasn't anxious then either.

I feel like it makes me a better parent too and it is also healthy for our marriage.

I think it's fine for a baby to develop a bond with grandparents early on. I never had this on offer but would have left mine. It sounds like they want to help & he will I imagine go to more people readily if he's used to it.

The number of people on here who complain about never having a moment to relax & babies that never sleep is high. At least you will be relaxed. It's as if they want to inflict the same on you.

I wasn't ready to leave my babies so early.

You do you. It wouldn't be for everyone but if you're comfortable with it and the baby is with you the other 99% of the time I can't see the harm. My only caveat would be that you shouldn't do anything that you don't want to; if these nights out are because your husband wants to go out and you don't, don't be bullied into being away from your baby if you don't want to be.

For what it's worth neither of mine stayed with grandparents until they were about three, but I did plenty of low key but boozy dinners with friends and nights out to my book group while DH had them (and bottles of expressed milk) starting from when DD1 was only about a month old. Lots of people would think that that was wrong, but it worked for us.

No. I left non sleeping ds2 with sil(3) overnight and it did me the power of good. She had no problems with him and he slept like a trooper for her.

@Summerishereagain

"but I suspect they will be stressed by it."

ODFOD

Agree with @SaulGoodman1

MN seems to flip between not being apart from a baby at all for 6 months. Then suddenly women are encouraged to work FT and leave a baby in a nursery every day.

Women seem to relish giving other Mums a hard time.

It's not so much these one off nights away at such an early age. It's what it's indicative of. Most parents don't leave their baby at 4 weeks overnight except for emergencies. What is your relationship going to need when baby is 6m? A year? I think I would prefer to stay home and encourage the dad to bond a bit more.

I still can't believe what I've been reading. We still had weekends away, holidays, dinners, brunches, bbqs, museum and gallery trips. But, do you know what? We adapted and took our dc with us. And, will with the newborn I have now. You just do things like book the first dinner sitting, ask for a cot when you book the hotel etc. Its not difficult to balance being a parent and being a partner. And if your partner can't adjust, then that's selfish of them as well. And, yeah sleepless nights are real but my H and I seem to manage balancing it out. Sure you can as well, if you both choose to. We were even able to give each other breaks to go out or to the gym. An hour or two headspace is always helpful and well needed. I won't dispute that and actively will encourage some time to yourself.

Your baby didn't choose to be made or be born. You've both made that choice. Deal with it and be parents. Get a grip on the situation, you've had a baby. Your life has changed therefore, your life choices and activities should have changed to accommodate your newborn. It's honestly not that hard. Prioritise. And, if it's a night (or several) out away with partner over your helpless newborn. I despair for you.

What is it indicative of?

My baby is 7 months now. Left him overnight for the first time at 6 weeks and it has happened monthly since then, sometimes a little more like OP.

Left him for a weekend the first time recently. The horror, I know.

Yeah, I couldn't have done this at 4 weeks, primarily because I wouldn't have put other family members through getting up multiple times during the night! I didn't leave DS for a night even with DH until he was over a year old.

It's fine, babies that age do not give a shiny shite who they are with regardless of what mn will tell you

The safest place for a baby to sleep in the first 6 months is in the same room as you. On that basis alone I wouldn't and didn't leave mine. I am sure the grandparents are fantastic and love him but you can't argue with the facts.

You can still go on dates and have babysitters etc but why the whole night? And don't forget you are at your most fertile around now so don't end up with a second unplanned pregnancy...

😅😅😅 have you ever met a human baby??