Will leaving newborn overnight effect bond

[EmmaLeaa]

My baby is 4 weeks old and me and partner have a couple plans this month, he has a great relationship with family members and always been around family members since birth. Will me leaving him overnight with grandparents couple times this month effect his bond with me? I’m a first time mum and don’t want him to forget I’m his mum. He stayed at my mums last weekend and my partners mum offered to have him this weekend so she can bond better with him, and then next weekend he is staying at my mums. Is this too many nights away from me? It will be 3 in total this month.

Your baby won't forget who you are, and leaving him with loving grandparents if you are happy to do so, won't necessarily affect his bond with you. You clearly love and care for him a great deal, no question about that.
I would really have a think and be honest with yourself about the reasons you want to go on these big nights out in the month following your traumatic c-section birth. Do you actually want to leave your baby to go out on the town because you feel you'll enjoy it and that's where you want to be or are you doing it for other reasons?

We did this with our child, grandparents did have experience of raising children hence the name grandparents so the knew what they were doing, all was fine and has been perfectly fine with other people since, don't see the need to never be away from each other there is no medal handed out.

It will not effect the baby whatsoever. I'd be more worried about you and your hormones missing your baby. However, if relationship is fairly new so understand why you need time together

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People need to stop assuming the sex thing, sex is my choice and not for others to make I’m asking advice about the bond between me and my son, there’s no pressure for sex at all. One night was planned and paid for before we found out about the pregnancy, and the other 2 are not nights out either. My partner is not pressuring me for anything, I feel like these times together are needed but I just don’t want to distress any bond with my son as he’s my main priority. It doesn’t make a difference if the day away was a planned wedding or if it was a night out its still time away which I’m asking could it effect him loving me as his bother. If it can then I would never do it, if it won’t effect him or his bond with me then I feel like it could be good for me and his father to have that time together which we missed out on while I was very very ill and basically hospitalised and bed bound through my whole pregnancy.

The baby will be fine but I would think it is quite unusual for the mother to be comfortable with this. It sounds like you are bending over backwards, at the expense of time with your baby and time to heal physically and mentally from the birth, to please your partner by showing him that nothing has changed and you can still have couple time like before.

I wouldn't have left any of mine overnight at just 4 weeks no, sorry, at this age they just need mum, they don't want anyone else tbh.

Op, your relationship remaining healthy should not depend on you leaving your tiny baby so often, at all.
It sounds like your relationship is rocky and you are trying to ‘save’ it without considering the point that your dp should want the best for you and the baby and that means doing what makes YOU comfortable not the other way around.

Your baby should not be second place to your boyfriend’s needs, no.

Is your dp struggling to adjust?

I feel the bond can be stretched at this tender age yes, secure attachment early on is vitally important.

Wouldn't do this out of choice. Babies need their parents. Imagine how long a whole night is when you're four months old!

I couldn’t have done it even if it were an option.

My concern would be that if your partner thinks 3 nights away is okay so early on in baby’s life (because you do it) what will be the expectation next month and the month after?

No, I had to spend 2 nights away from home when baby was 1 week old. They were perfectly fine at home with my husband.

So the answer is if your baby has too many main care providers his ability to form a secure attachment may be compromised, or it may be formed with your mother/a nanny etc for instance if she is always around and he sees her as someone that always provides love to him consistently.

You can make up for ‘lost’ time when your baby is older perhaps - what’s the rush?

It doesn’t make a difference if the day away was a planned wedding or if it was a night out its still time away

You’re right, it doesn’t make a difference, it is still time away.

I guess the difference I was trying to highlight would be finding yourself in a position where you had little to no choice but to leave the baby with someone else on a one off occasion, as opposed to actively choosing to leave the 4 week old baby with someone else, every weekend.

I think it is rather unusual for a new mother to want to do that.

I wouldn’t risk it. It could affect your baby’s bond with you, and there ability to form a secure attachment.
As the baby’s primary care giver, you should be with them as much as you can so that they feel safe and secure in the new world they have just entered. It wasn’t your mums or partners voice they heard for 9 months. It was yours. So yes, your baby wants to be with you over your mum and anyone else.
I could understand if it was a necessity but ‘couple time’ right now sounds like an odd priority. You have just become a mother, it’s a massive adjustment.

(I have an insecure attachment, identified in my 30s when I became a mum. Whilst not linked to being left as an infant it was from things that happened that caused my mum to withdraw attention from me before the age of 3. Don’t underestimate how important that constant unconditional attention is.)

I am concerned why you are needing to choose. Why can’t you go out for dinner instead? Why overnight?

The baby will be fine in that he’ll be cared for, fed, winded etc. but I agree with lots of other posters, I’m not sure I know any mothers that would have left their babies for 3 nights in a 4 week period to go out with their partners.

It’s generally accepted that now is the time to focus on the baby - relationships tend to take a back seat for a little while as you’re both so focussed on the child.

It’s obviously bothering you enough to ask on here so I’d postpone until your baby is older and spend time together as a family unit because that’s what you are now, you come as a package deal.

Oh good lord. Leave OP alone. Not everyone has to become a mum robot who can’t have any kind of life away from their baby for the first few months (and I’m saying this as someone who did become that Mum robot).

OP I assume you’re not breastfeeding? In which case your baby is so tiny she will have no clue who is feeding or cuddling her. You’ll do yourself and your partner the world of good for having some time alone.

I wouldn't have done this. You couldn't pay me to be separated from my baby at that age. Maybe as a one off but it sounds like it's every weekend. He's only 4 weeks and he's been with someone else for 3 of the weekends, that's rather a lot.

No I wouldn't leave my four week old. Research the fourth trimester, he doesn't even realise he's a separate entity to you yet. You're feeling apprehensive about it for a reason.

I wouldn’t do it. It’s seems unnecessary and unkind to baby. You say baby is on you all the time, so you obviously have a great bond. These early weeks are very important - why would you prioritise a night away? There’ll be plenty of time for that when your baby is older. If your partner can’t deal with that, that’s their problem.

Babies do not need to stay overnight with their grandparents to bond with them. That all sounds a bit strange. Are you struggling a bit with tiredness? I ask that kindly not judgementally. The first weeks are hard, and most women do feel exhausted. Prioritise baby and yourself not your partner.

This. 4 weeks old and 3 overnights with Grandparents . Why bother having a child???

@drpet49 I completely agree. 3 nights away from my newborn out of 28.. no thanks.

After I had my last one I developed a bad infection and ended up in hospital for a week when he was 10 days old. My mum looked after him and my other dc. ds4 and I were fine and still close.