Will leaving newborn overnight effect bond

[EmmaLeaa]

My baby is 4 weeks old and me and partner have a couple plans this month, he has a great relationship with family members and always been around family members since birth. Will me leaving him overnight with grandparents couple times this month effect his bond with me? I’m a first time mum and don’t want him to forget I’m his mum. He stayed at my mums last weekend and my partners mum offered to have him this weekend so she can bond better with him, and then next weekend he is staying at my mums. Is this too many nights away from me? It will be 3 in total this month.

Sorry but that is far too much! Your baby is only 4 weeks old. Ask yourself what is more important than the newborn stage with your baby (and I’m not talking about PND and lack of sleep etc before I get jumped all over)

That was not a choice though. It’s totally different. Op sounds quite vulnerable to me.

I think 4 weeks is too young, they’re still a newborn until 8 weeks old and need their mothers scent and comfort even if you’re not BF. Read up on 4th trimester. I imagine the HV team would urge you not to, too.

I have friends who left their babies at 8-10 weeks old for a night away but baby was left with their father. To leave a newborn with neither parent is a little unfair when they’re this tiny imo.

Agree with PP that now is NOT the time to be prioritising your relationship and I hope your DP isn’t pressuring you into doing so.

If you do decide to leave baby, PLEASE ensure baby’s grandparents are clued up on latest advice from Lullaby trust. Do not settle for “I bought up my own children perfectly fine” because my MIL has looked after her grand babies several times, but last time she fell asleep on the sofa with one of them, she also dressed her for winter and pushed her cot against a full blast radiator because she didn’t want her to get cold (nieces and nephews, not my own DC, so cannot comment much further).

I couldn't have left either of mine overnight at that age and I'm not a particularly sentimental sort, but four weeks is still so tiny and I wouldn't have enjoyed being away from them at all (plus I was breastfeeding so it would have been more hassle than worth even if it had been practically possible).

I honestly don't know if it would do any 'harm', we don't really know how newborns feel sometimes because they can't communicate. I certainly think it's maybe more disruptive for them than needs to be - I felt like the consistency was important and that passing them round to family members for long periods/overnight while so little could be disruptive and upsetting for them. But that's just my opinion and what I followed with my own children. Every parent needs to make their own decisions about what they are comfortable with, and as long as you don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to, then you need to make your own judgement call.

Just make sure that ‘maintaining your relationship’ with your partner doesn’t include unprotected sex. You might not have got your periods back yet, but it is very possible to get pregnant again even at such an early stage, so don’t believe him if he says not to bother with condoms.

Are you actually happy with leaving your baby?

It doesn’t matter what I’d do, anyone else would do or what you think you should do. What do you want to do?

One of mine spent one night a week from a very young age with PIL because they didn’t sleep. So it was a sanity saver. It hasn’t affected my bond with him because I was happy with the decision I made because I felt the bigger picture made it the best choice.

If I wasn’t happy with it and was questioning myself then it may have done.

If you’re questioning yourself because it not something other people would do then don’t.

If you’re questioning yourself because something is instinctively telling you not to then do, and really think about it.

You are the one the needs to live with your decisions so make sure you are happy with them.

TomatoSandwiches · Today 11:24
I wouldn't have left any of mine overnight at just 4 weeks no, sorry, at this age they just need mum, they don't want anyone else “

This. That you’re questioning it yourself gives you your answer, really.

They absolutely do know. There will be “mum” and “not mum” categories.

Why does he have to stay overnight? Can't you go out for breakfast/ lunch/ dinner instead? I'm shocked that he's having weekly sleepovers and would be concerned that either this isn't something you really want and your family or partner are pushing for it, or that you're unwell so not able to prioritise your baby.

Agree with this, and I agree with the poster that said actively wanting to be away from your newborn overnight is quite unusual.

You seem to be asking quite anxiously whether your bond with your son will be affected, but OTOH you seem quite resistant to the views of those posters saying that the nights apart, at this age, are probably not the best thing for either him or you (and I agree with them). That's quite a contradiction and I would think about that a bit IIWY. Becoming a mother is a huge change and it's OK and normal for that change to extend into all sorts of areas of your life.

I don't think it will affect your bond with your son. And it is worth putting effort into maintaining the bond with your partner. Providing you can refrain from texting all night to find out how your baby is doing.

And if it goes well, you do know that if you and DP are ill and unable to cope with your much loved child someone can step in and care.

OP, do you feel under pressure from your parter to get back to the kind of socialising and nights out and sex life that you had before the baby was born?
Is it your partner who's organising these trips away? Do you live together? Is he behaving in the kind of supportive way a new father would, ideally, behave or is he focussing on work and social life and leaving you to look after the child?

I'm picking up vibes that perhaps you'd prefer to stay with your baby. As another poster said, make sure you've got contraception sorted before you resume your sex life. You don't want another baby by accident.

You sound like a good mum, from what you've said it seems like your gut is telling you it's not okay to leave him so much. Hence the the huge justification in your posts. Trust your gut on this one 😊

I think it's great to be able to have a break, but that's a lot for a tiny baby only 4 weeks old. Sorry to sound harsh, but why did you even have a baby if you were going to be leaving it so much. It's sounds like in 4 weeks, you've had one weekend with your baby? I find that really terrible 😕

Also google the 4th trimester. You and the father should still doing lots of skin to skin.

I missed your last post when you said you're not under pressure. Sorry about that.

I still think you're giving very mixed vibes. No one can say with any certainty how a day or two away from you will affect you and your child and your bond. For some babies it might be stressful, for others it won't. Babies are all diffeerent, carers are all different. But those saying that the baby won't have any idea who's looking after him because people are interchangeable at that age don't show much understanding of the importance of smell and sound. He knows your scent and the sound of your voice and that he's safe with you.

I wouldn’t have left my baby to be honest, and definitely not with my mother in law, who doesn’t need time by herself, to bond with the baby.

She had her own children for this.

You've had a baby and major surgery at the same time. Both you and your baby need time to rest and recuperate and get to know one another, and you need time to adjust emotionally to this massive change in your life and relationships. If you had to leave your newborn in an emergency, he would cope. But if you don't have to, it's much too soon to be leaving him through choice, it's not good for either of you. Your relationship with your partner doesn't need to be your priority right now. If he's decent, it will survive; if he's not, it might break down. But either way he's going to have to get on board with the fact that he's moved down your list of priorities for a while.

And, just to reiterate what others have said, sex at 4 weeks post c-section really isn't safe. There's a big risk of infection and permanent damage. Your body just isn't up to it. There's a reason they tell you you can't carry things, drive, exercise etc. after a c-section: your body needs to heal.

I think it's far too young. Your baby will only be this tiny for a few short months, then you will have plenty of time to leave him overnight if that's what you want to do.

I left my newborn over night for 6 weeks when he was in nicu. No bonding issues at all . One night will be fine.

I stayed with aunts for two weeks when I was a month old. My siblings both got chicken pox, and mum wanted to keep me safe, so they took me.

Mum and I have an incredibly close bond, live 10m apart and see eachother 3-4 days a week. We've always had a great relationship.

I think it'll be fine.

That's rubbish!
If you feel up to it, it's fine. That's what the NHS advice is anyway.

There's no rule about how long it should be, you should be guided by your body

I had sex after my sections at 11 days and 2 weeks respectively. It was fine.

This.

OP ignore the holier than thou people on here and do what's right for your family. Mumsnet is a terrible place sometimes. As long as YOU are comfortable and happy with the arrangement then 1 night here and there won't make a difference.

I personally wouldn't leave my 4 year old this much, I didn't leave dc as babies unless absolutely necessary, certainly not overnight at that age. Although they were exclusively breastfed so wasn't really an option. When I had children they came 1st, I preferred to miss out on 'things on' However I know a lot of people do leave babies with grandparents frequently and I don't think it does them any harm. Each to their own