My sons school have raised safe guarding concerns

[Livelove0x]

Due to unfortunate circumstances me and my three children have had to move quite a way from school, we get a bus or taxi then a 25 minute train and a 20 minute bus to school. With my youngest son now being at nursery and starting at 8.30 my 13 year old daughter takes my 6 year old son on the bus from town to school, I put them on in the morning and meet them off it after school. The bus stop is outside school so there are no main roads to cross, my daughter is quite mature for her age and I have no issues with her making sure he’s safe, she has a contract phone and we communicate during the bus ride. The school found out today that this is what we are doing and have raised concerns, I am trying my best to do what I can in our situation. Does anyone have any advice because if my daughter can’t take him I’ll be late dropping my youngest and late picking up my 6 year old. School want a meeting tomorrow after school, what do I say

Again perfectly normal round here - 3 stops on the tube, call us as she was leaving and we'd pick her up the other end. Lots of London teens do this.

Were none of you propositioned by alcoholic tramps on your way to school? I think I was 12 when it happened the first time. I was so glad when my mum changed her job and her driving route to work went past my school.

I've not read the full thread but at 11 I moved country and had to get a bus alone at 5:45 am to be at school for 10 am in a country I didn't speak the language.
When I was 13 (and back in England) I used to drop off and collect my neighbours child (4) at school. At that point I was a carer for my parent so I had either a reduced timetable or was sent school work home once a week.

FWIW I'm in my early 30's so not that long ago.

At that point I was a carer for my parent so I had either a reduced timetable or was sent school work home once a week.

JFC what kind of third world country are we aspiring to be that the council thought that a child dropping some schooling to care for an adult was even remotely OK? When my Gpa was dying, adult social care people went around to look after him because we lived so far away that my parents couldn't do it. If we can do that for my Gpa, why not your parent?

I was a clever kids and because I was the only person there and judged by our LA as capable of caring for my parent, doing all my school work and having a part time job, Yes my local authority saw taking my neighbours to and from school as a part time job, They didn't need to step in.
After my parent died and I was made homeless my older siblings they didn't want to help then either 😕.

On a good point I did 2 years of coursework in a week and passed all my gcses with a minimum of a C, got into college and made a good life for myself and now my children 🙂.

I'm glad that your life turned out well. Still horrified that your LA and older siblings let you down like that.

Could school be concerned that they mighty bump into (or be found by) your abusive ex? That would place them in a terrifying position

Well let’s play it through

Teacher: we won’t release
13 year old: my mum has told me to. I’ll wait
Teacher: it’s 6pm I’m calling social services
SS: do you have any safety concerns for the child beyond walking with a sibling?
Teacher: it not safe, it’s our rule
SS: release the child.

Honestly a letter from home. Job done.

OP where I live if you have been moved due to DV the local authority has a duty to transport the child to their school. So do ask if there is help with transport for the children especially if it turns out school are not happy with your own arrangements

Fair enough but in 99% of cases it wouldn’t get to SS because the parent would have been told to come. If this happened repeatedly many meetings and interventions would be put in place by the school. Yes the parent could not attend I guess and completely leave the child to their own devices but in this case there is good grounds to be concerned if the parent won’t engage with the school at all and SS may become involved for a variety of reasons.
I mean which parent, trying their best for their child wants to risk the school calling SS. You just follow the schools rules or move schools?
Those parents that don’t give a fluting f* about anyone calling social services or anyone being concerned that they are neglecting their child are the ones for whom SS need to be called.
If a 5 year old was walking into school every day alone, is that unenforceable? What about a 6 year old? Where do you draw the line? and who are you to say what is safe and what isn’t? What SS would say ‘release them’ and not? If the school called SS there will be a good deal of concern all round.

A mature 13 year old and a sensible 6 year old, straight on and off a bus with an adult making sure they get on ok, and back off at home home safely doesn't sound terrible. Not ideal. But not terrible.

If this is a long term or permanent arrangement, I would look at moving to a school nearer home for the 6 year old. Mainly because a primary school run shouldn't look like this in most cases.

That's a lot of 'what if's'. However I counter this with, if I had been called to school and told to collect my child and I had sent my perfectly capable 13 year old, I would explain and refuse. It would be a standoff and I would prevail.

I can assure you having spoken to a HT on this very matter that once they get a letter to school and it's judge 'reasonable' no one is going to be chasing this up with SS. SS would more likely blacklist the school for wasting their time.

This is not helping young people to grow up and navigate the real world

I can tell you now you wouldn’t prevail in my kids primary school.
Why are you the exception to the rule? The school set out the rules very clearly when you apply. If you don’t like them, go elsewhere.
The school have to draw a line somewhere. If you say your 13 year old is capable someone else will say their 11 year old is capable and then someone else will say their year 6 is capable. And on it goes.
I can tell you that if you were letting your child walk in with an under 16 there would be consequences for you as it wouldn’t be fair on all the other parents. Why on early would the school be seen to be letting one parent break the rules and not everyone else?
I mean why stop there? I’m sure that uniform can’t be enforced. Ok sure that not bringing a large bar of chocolate and nothing else in for lunch daily can’t be enforced. Our school has a one way system round the outside due to narrow paths- I’m sure that can’t be enforced. Not Calling a the head teacher ‘ you slag face’ can’t be enforced.
Many many rules can’t be enforced but they are put in place for the safety and well being of the pupils and teachers. There would be consequences.

*oi you, slag face’

@PurpleWisteria1 you can choose to believe that but you are wrong. What consequences exactly are you implying. The worst would be that on the first day they held onto the child and called SS. After SS were told that suitable provisions had been made the school would have to handover child.

Okay, well as I’m not at your kids schools we’ll never know. I can assure you, it would be one rule I’d challenge and at a state school I have the right to a place. Try excluding a child for much worse. Rules that are ridiculous should be challenged. No Social Service in the country would back this, so it’s a line that’s been drawn too wide of the mark.

I love your dark threat of ‘consequences’. Like what?

Oh I agree with you there- some rules do seem bonkers. Trust me, I’m coming to the end of my primary journey and from my older children I know that secondary school rules seem a lot more relaxed- they trust the Y7’s 10x more than the Y6’s are trusted just 2 months before (except when it comes to uniform!)
I would imagine the consequences would be endless meetings and offers of ‘support’ which if you didn’t attend would be seen as you refusing to engage. You would be referred to various support organisations who would then be ringing you endlessly for phone meetings and in person support meetings. Again if you ignored it would all go down as refusing to engage. What I then would be worried about would be being on the ‘radar’ Any little parenting slip or mistake scrutinised. Under a microscope. The school ‘forming a picture’ from any absences or lates, what your child said they had for breakfast or even the child’s behaviour.
Indirectly of course you would be known as the ‘parent who doesn’t think the rules apply to them’ Other parents don’t like having to follow rules and seeing one parent get away with it- believe me seen that first hand. And how do you think that affects your child? They start not to be invited to stuff, start to be left out. Not saying it’s right but it’s realistic - even if you can’t see it happening, it’s what people are thinking.
No thanks. Think I will just keep within the rules as far as possible for a quiet life.

I doubt however they have the band width for your imaginary scenarios.

All that said @PurpleWisteria1 Ive never had a head teacher as obdurate as you appear to be. I’ve met and know a fair few.

Not really? I just don’t think the school set rules to then go ‘ok whatever’ when someone says they aren’t going to comply.

That would be enough of a consequence for most people to comply though?
If someone was expecting their y4 child (age 9) to walk home alone and no parent came to collect (but when phoned told the school to let them walk home they are fine) would SS tell them to let the child walk?

Probably, yes.

The school phoned social services when my ex went to pick up the kids and he shouldn’t have. The kids wanted to go with him and but I have the court order. Social services were not in the slightest bit interested in getting involved where as actually they should’ve been, in theory. As somebody else said they really don’t have the time or energy for this shit.

well that’s terrible and a basic failure.
It’s certainly not something we should just shrug and accept though. Rules are put there mostly for a reason and if they are to be challenged one parent stubbornly stomping their foot isn’t the way to go about changing it