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Original poster

My sons school have raised safe guarding concerns

223 replies

Livelove0x · 26/06/2023 17:43

Due to unfortunate circumstances me and my three children have had to move quite a way from school, we get a bus or taxi then a 25 minute train and a 20 minute bus to school. With my youngest son now being at nursery and starting at 8.30 my 13 year old daughter takes my 6 year old son on the bus from town to school, I put them on in the morning and meet them off it after school. The bus stop is outside school so there are no main roads to cross, my daughter is quite mature for her age and I have no issues with her making sure he’s safe, she has a contract phone and we communicate during the bus ride. The school found out today that this is what we are doing and have raised concerns, I am trying my best to do what I can in our situation. Does anyone have any advice because if my daughter can’t take him I’ll be late dropping my youngest and late picking up my 6 year old. School want a meeting tomorrow after school, what do I say

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VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 20:41

Sittingonasale · 26/06/2023 20:36

No, you don't request a formal meeting every time you want to ask a parent a question or check they are OK. If you did you'd be at school 24 hours a day.

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Re-reading the OP's posts, there's no mention of a formal meeting request, just that the school have "raised concerns". How does that not constitute talking to the OP? How can they tell that OP that they have concerns without raising concerns? Again, isn't "raising a concern" and synonym for "mentioning a concern"?

FixItUpChappie · 26/06/2023 20:42

Is it really fair on your 13 year old? School are correct to be concerned. It isn’t sustainable.

What a first world pov that somehow a 13yr old is suffering having to look after a younger sibling on a bus…..going to the same school she is going to? Seriously what is the specific safeguarding issue? That a 13yr old is expected to help out within her own family? Why does the school fee entitled to stand in judgement of whether it’s sustainable - if it is not OP will have to adjust her plan. On so many of these threads I feel like UK schools infantilize parents.

Zola1 · 26/06/2023 20:43

I'd definitely trust my 13 year old to take a 6 year old on a bus, but I'd worry about putting that responsibility on her and I know sometimes she wants to go out after school etc. Ask school what their solution is and can they help with funding, as otherwise you've no choice!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds 6 year olds Childcare & nursery Families
weirdoboelady · 26/06/2023 20:44

CapEBarra · 26/06/2023 20:06

Totally agree - this is great advice. Don’t go in expecting to be blamed or embarrassed. Instead, use it an opportunity to lay all your cards on the table, explain why you left (DV), how important the schools are to your children - ‘well settled’ ‘friendship groups’ ‘doing well’ ‘happy’ etc. and that after the turmoil of the last x years you don’t want to uproot them further if you can avoid it.

Obviously, you need to support your family alone now, and that’s why your job is so important, and that’s why the arrangements are what they are. And then once you have done that, say ‘I am glad you called this meeting because I would like to seek your advice on whether there are other options where the school could provide guidance and support to help us ensure we are doing everything we can to help the kids’.

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Absolutely this (both posters). The school has picked up on the fact that you have moved, and probably realise that you may be escaping DV. They should be coming to this meeting with their hands full of goodies, or at least information to help you access help. Don't forget to stress continuity of DC friendships and education during a difficult time - what can they do to make this easier for you?

It's a PITA that you have to find the time to attend the meeting, but apart from that I feel rather reassured that they are monitoring when parents are having problems, even when they are as organised and determined as you sound to be.

Skodacool · 26/06/2023 20:44

Holly03 · 26/06/2023 17:50

Apply for home to school transport with the local authority and explain the situation. I would explain the situation to school and mention if there is any funding available through the school to arrange taxis so that you can all go together or even mention breakfast clubs so that your six year old can be dropped off by you.

This, especially if you’re now living more than a certain distance from the school. There should be an education welfare officer, ask them if one or more of them is entitled to free school transport. This would be escorted for younger children.

FatGirlSwim · 26/06/2023 20:45

MaxwellCat · 26/06/2023 19:53

That was in response to another poster and again our school wouldn't allow a 14 year old they have to be 16

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Our primary school have a free ‘half hour club’ precisely to allow the many children who are picked up by their secondary age siblings to wait until the secondary school finishes.

Missmissy12 · 26/06/2023 20:45

Well done on leaving your ex arsehole partner that’s alone makes you a brilliant as for some of the posts I’ve read I wouldn’t let them get to you your doing brilliant and everything you can to make sure your kids have education and routine just explain everything to school and aske if they could help in anyway

Sittingonasale · 26/06/2023 20:47

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 20:41

Re-reading the OP's posts, there's no mention of a formal meeting request, just that the school have "raised concerns". How does that not constitute talking to the OP? How can they tell that OP that they have concerns without raising concerns? Again, isn't "raising a concern" and synonym for "mentioning a concern"?

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Stop being pedantic.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 20:47

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 20:41

Re-reading the OP's posts, there's no mention of a formal meeting request, just that the school have "raised concerns". How does that not constitute talking to the OP? How can they tell that OP that they have concerns without raising concerns? Again, isn't "raising a concern" and synonym for "mentioning a concern"?

Show quote history

And it turns out that I have to read things three times. Sorry.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 26/06/2023 20:47

Lots of 12 year olds take there young 6 and 7 year old siblings to school around here as the high school starts later and the parents go to work 🤷‍♀️
I really can't see the problem if your oldest is sensible!

PurpleWisteria1 · 26/06/2023 20:48

Our school don’t let anyone younger than 16 take any child younger than year 5 into school or pick them up from school. So it would be a definite no- they have to be accompanied in to school by someone 16+

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 20:48

Sittingonasale · 26/06/2023 20:47

Stop being pedantic.

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I'm autistic, pedantry is fitted as standard.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 26/06/2023 20:48

People wouldn't bat an eyelid at this at our local village school.

The secondary school bus drops off in the village at half four and there's several teens come off the bus and pick up younger siblings from the primary school after school club to walk them home, and I suspect also keep an eye on them for 30mins - 1hr until parents get back from work.

I have a very sensible 6 year old who would be fine in the OPs arrangement.

I was also the 13 year old left responsible for an 11 year old and 8 year old sibling after school on a regular basis (dad working 5mins away in case of emergencies but not physically present) and it was absolutely fine. We were sensible kids who got on well with each other. Mum also used to leave a note asking us to set the oven off with e.g some potatoes or a stew in ready for us all to have tea together when she got back.

she was a social worker.

we were all very independent teens and are all very independent, confident adults and have memories of a very happy childhood.

Willmafrockfit · 26/06/2023 20:50

speak to the school, accept any offer of help

LondonQueen · 26/06/2023 20:50

I agree with the school, it's not a sustainable plan for the long term. My school also doesn't allow those under to 16 to collect children, pretty sure this is the same at my children's school too.

Bunce1 · 26/06/2023 20:50

Your dd is effectively a young carer and that should trigger some additional support for her and you.

Be honest with the school and ask for help.

SuperGinger · 26/06/2023 20:51

I had a similar arrangement with a local teenager who took my daughter when she was five. All fine, mine involved crossing roads etc

BungleandGeorge · 26/06/2023 20:51

Our primary doesn’t allow collection by under 16s either. Are they worried that Dad is going to turn up when the children are unsupervised?

Supergirl1958 · 26/06/2023 20:52

wildfirewonder · 26/06/2023 20:22

The OP has explained it is a bus with other kids and parents on it.

What is it that makes it 'not OK' in your opinion?

I know someone who was in the back of the car when her mum crashed and died. That doesn't mean cars are not an OK way to transport kids.

Yes, the bus could breakdown - but this very rarely happens.

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it has nothing to do about ‘crashes’ it’s about the responsibility of a 13 year old dropping off a six year old, regardless of ‘other parents and kids.’ If the OP has a ‘friend’ adult on that bus who could drop off the child then that would be wholly different, but a 13 year old simply isn’t old enough to drop off a six year old.

im sorry about the tragic circumstances of your friends mum. That must have been really awful for all concerned.

But as a teacher, and from a safeguarding POV it’s a no no for me! I’ve been on a million and one safeguarding trainings! There is more than road safety to consider here! I’m too long in the tooth to be told my opinion is wrong by the likes of you!

TallerThanAverage · 26/06/2023 20:53

She’s mature enough at 13 until something happens then you’ll discover she’s not as mature as you think. All it takes is for the 6 year old to play up or your daughter be distracted for a moment on her phone and something happens with your 13 year old child deemed as responsible.
I’m pretty confident that if you did a post detailing how your 6 year old ran off from his 13 year old sister at the bus stop, falling and breaking his arm, or was bitten by a dog or they missed the bus everyone would question the rationale behind you entrusting him to his sister as he’s only 6.

HazyDragon · 26/06/2023 20:55

Wow, according to MN teenagers can't do anything!

YoucancallmeKAREN · 26/06/2023 20:59

Nothing wrong with what you are doing.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 21:00

I don't see much problem with the ages of the children, as long as DS isn't a little horror like my sister was. I see a problem, and I think the school might see it too, if violent ex knows that the kids have not moved school and turns up at home time. A 13 yo might be fine with younger sibling on the bus under peaceful circumstances, but if violent ex decides to lurk on the top deck out of sight, he could follow DCs home to find out where OP lives. Even if he lurks in plain sight, how is DD going to navigate that? She's 13, she's not going to know how to to run interference to stop DS (he's six, he might not understand the importance of not telling daddy where we now live) from answering violent ex's questions, she's not necessarily going to think on her feet about, for example, getting off at a different stop and going into a shop and phoning you. Safeguarding isn't just about coping with the best case, but the worst likely case as well. With a violent ex around, this is not a standard case of secondary child collecting a primary child after school.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 26/06/2023 21:03

She’s mature enough at 13 until something happens then you’ll discover she’s not as mature as you think. All it takes is for the 6 year old to play up

And your DD is being blamed for DS's broken ankle.

As I said, my sister (younger than me) was a little horror, and once, just once, it bit her, and guess who got blamed?

Soontobe60 · 26/06/2023 21:08

The main issue will be your daughter being expected to be the carer of her younger sibling. It’s irrelevant as to whether she’s competent or not. It’s not her job to get him to school on such a long journey. That responsibility shouldn’t be placed on her shoulders.
From tomorrow’s meeting, you need to come away with a strategy for getting all your children to school - what can school offer? What can Social services offer? They should be able to put a strategy in place to support you.