My sons school have raised safe guarding concerns

[Livelove0x]

Due to unfortunate circumstances me and my three children have had to move quite a way from school, we get a bus or taxi then a 25 minute train and a 20 minute bus to school. With my youngest son now being at nursery and starting at 8.30 my 13 year old daughter takes my 6 year old son on the bus from town to school, I put them on in the morning and meet them off it after school. The bus stop is outside school so there are no main roads to cross, my daughter is quite mature for her age and I have no issues with her making sure he’s safe, she has a contract phone and we communicate during the bus ride. The school found out today that this is what we are doing and have raised concerns, I am trying my best to do what I can in our situation. Does anyone have any advice because if my daughter can’t take him I’ll be late dropping my youngest and late picking up my 6 year old. School want a meeting tomorrow after school, what do I say

That's ridiculous thousands of year 7's age 11/12 drop off/pick up primary age siblings from age 4 every day.

When I was 13 I had to travel across a city for about an hour on a bus after school to pick up my 9 year old brother. We then had to walk together for about 10 mins to get another bus which took about an hour so we could meet my mum. We managed just fine. Neither school was concerned, although this was over 20 years ago

That sounds fine. Really not a big issue if 13 YO is mature.

We allow teenagers to collect younger siblings from our infant school, and drop them off. Just need permission from parents for us to enable it.

I really can’t understand the problem here. She’s 13 not 8. Why are we so against teenagers having any responsibility whatsoever? It’s like we expect them to get to adulthood and be able to function without ever having been asked to do anything which might help them acquire the skills needed to navigate life.

I’d see this as an opportunity to get advice, support and even possibly help/funding. It’s good they are asking to speak with you - in your difficult situation communication and support are essential. Hi I’m with your plans and backups, but also do ask if there is any support available or for them to suggest ideas?

good luck

Your know your family best. When we grew up this would have been fine. I agree with the comment about how infantilised our teens often are these days. If your dd 13 is a sensible girl then this is fine. If school don't have anything helpful to say then nod and smile and carry on. All the best, living so far away without transport sounds like a difficult situation. Hope it resolves itself.

Our school doesn't allow it till age 16 i don't believe there are thousands of 11 year olds dropping off 4 year olds not in the UK anyway never seen that tbh.

The policy of anywhere I've worked would not allow a 13 year old to collect a child. It is up to you who drops them off, but we would not be willing to hand responsibility over to them ourselves.

Which makes me wonder how they've just realised, they must see who collects?!

Sometimes people take such a binary view of what is acceptable or not.

Sounds like you've had a tough time and are parenting on your own. Your DC have gone through an upheaval. It's likely best for them to stay at the same school, with familiar people, when they're going through this period of change. A 20min bus commute is fine in this context.

It's in no one's interest for you to give up work because its difficult to drop children off.

Have you registered with the school that there has been domestic violence and you are now single parenting? What support can they offer you? Ask them questions about how to keep stability for your DC, particularly if your aim is to move back to the local area.

13 year olds were babysitting babies and toddlers not so long ago. A sensible 13 year old can be trusted to keep an eye on a 6 year old for the length of a bus journey, especially when you're putting them on the bus.

My daughter is 13, 14 in 5 months and my son is 6, 7 in 4 months. Big difference from 11 and 4

@Ducksurprise is correct. Schools cannot make a decision that lies with the parent(s) on behalf of their parents. They can go through appropriate safeguarding referrals but no social worker will be interested in a thirteen year old dropping a younger sibling off at school.

With that being said it sounds EXHAUSTING, OP! Aren’t there any closer schools?

They don't mind my daughter collecting him, they are concerned with them getting on a bus

Don't panic. Just go into the meeting explaining unless they can provide transport this is the only way you can both keep your job and ensure your child attends school and that you're happy for them to liaise with your MP about it. My MP is very good with nuanced childcare issues here if yours isn't don't bother obviously!

Once at secondary school siblings can collect children at our infant school. So from age 11y can collect (though it tends to be slightly older ones (13+) ime can collect children aged 4-7y with written parent permission.

I think the children are far too young to be travelling alone . What happens if there is a problem en route . I think it'd make a big difference if this is only a short term arrangement

I'm in Scotland and there'd be no problem doing that here. It's very common.

I became responsible for walking myself and my brother to and from school when we were 9 and 6. I think now I was a bit young at 9 but 13 I can't see any issue.

The fact that this is only short term I'm trying not to make big differences. Of course if we stayed here I would move them schools, my children are very happy where they are and they don't need anymore change

No issue. "Safeguarding" people like to make work for themselves.

This is bad advice. Going in aggressively is unnecessary and will put backs up. The school are fulfilling their safeguarding duties. They've asked you for a meeting. They're not condemning you! Just go along and listen to what they say.

Pretty poor if a 13 year old can’t supervise her sibling on a 20 minute bus journey - not exactly difficult.

Presumably... they tell their Mum, as they have a phone.

What is it you think will happen exactly - miss the bus after school - call Mum, who tells them to wait there until she can collect or tells them a different bus to get on.

Bus breaks down, everyone off - call Mum who tells them to wait there or they find out what to do from the bus driver (as they can't typically just dump folk in the middle of nowhere so likely its waiting on the bus for a replacement bus).

Bus catches fire, explodes, gets lifted by an alien space craft - they are no more fucked than if Mum was sat right next to them.

Going TO school, even less risk, I can't think of one really that wouldn't be any less of a risk of Mum was present.

I can understand that. The bus might break down, be diverted, or be the wrong bus.

With it being a DV situation, what do the kids do if violent ex turns up at the school at home time and follows them? I don't expect a 13 yo to navigate that skilfully.

Really? DD has been getting the train to school on her own since she was 11 - as have thousands of other Y7s. I would certainly trust her to take her younger sister on a similar journey, especially at 13.

I suspect the school just want to check that there isn't more going on OP given you have had a difficult time. I see plenty of secondary school children picking up and dropping off younger siblings at my DC's primary school.